Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Save more money, spend less, and leave them all you can in their inheritance. That is how you can help them and your grandkids.

Honestly, this. If they currently have some lifestyle (courtesy of you) that you don’t think they can make for themselves as adults—despite going to college and getting a professional job—then you clearly have the resources to help them in the future. Annual gifts, 529s for the grandkids, trusts when you die. Teach them deep financial literacy and long-term/intergenerational wealth planning. This is how every UMC and above family helps those who can’t swing it on their own (for those families that help, that is).

Ick. Don't have or want any of this. Parents don't feel the need to help us financially, which is fine by me. Isn't this how hustle dissipates through generations?

No. I grew up in the Midwest where that view was dominant. But it’s incomplete.

What they missed is that capital compounds advantage. It’s not about consumption (at least not purely), but about removing downside risk. It allows lower-paying but prestige-enhancing jobs early in a career. Unpaid internships. Long educational paths. Starting businesses without fear of destitution if they fail. The key is to use the money to support capacity building and limit it so that you remove stress without removing need for purpose.

Annual gifts under the exemption are not large ($38k if coming from both parents). 529s for grandchildren are for the distant future but alleviate a drain on your children’s finances now (or whenever they have kids). Covering educational expenses supports upward mobility, for financially and socially. Trusts come later. You teach that your family is a steward of money and it is a resource for other things, not that money is a goal unto itself.

+1

This is the last thing I worry about. I come from a family who lost everything due to a war. Our lands, money, social circles — everything disappeared. They once had everything, and then had to start again with nothing. Today, we are once again well-off, with land, money, and prestige (all in a different country), because we have always known what brings success— awareness of the situation around you so that you can see your choices clearly, and a love for yourself and others, so that you can make the right choice.

Seek help if you’re not a troll.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I was born into a European aristocratic family. My forefathers were ennobled in the 10th century. The family tree, as currently researched, stretches out for more than a thousand years.

Were all my ancestors happy and comfortable? Of course not. My family line survived countless European wars. Many ancestors killed and were killed, some in political or religious wars, others in assassinations (so rivals could inherit title and castles). Some generations were rich, some were poor.

The point is to survive, and hopefully do so while knowing your place in the world, and who came before you. It doesn't matter if your child is less well-off than you. Perhaps a distant descendant will research the family tree and find you, and know you were one of the contributors to their existence, comfort and happiness.

Take the long view.

I agree- I am asian but my family history goes back centuries, from what I know of our family history- they survived wars, border changes.. colonization and then its dismantlement etc etc BUT we always end up ok, money comes and goes but your values and sense of self and how you interact with the world should stay the same. Maybe my grandmother was able to give solid gold coins away to ppl and I certainly cant but I can donate to my local food pantry and volunteer. what your family values and how it lives those values should stay the same and you should rest easy knowing that mostly those who do well.. end up creating enough of a cushion that their progeny can survive changes. Due to the end of the British empire- my father ended up going to university on scholarship but we are the only ones who know that if he hadn't gotten it- he would've struggled to pay, my grandparents were that stretched- but he ended up very financially successful. you have to teach your kids how to manage their money, belongings and how to live in a way that gives them joy and embodies their values. I think that most families revert to the mean over time despite setbacks or even extraordinary success.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care if your kids have a downward trajectory - especially if they themselves don’t particularly care? It happens all the time. Family fortunes go up, and down.

Perhaps, but most people on DCUM prioritize status and wealth above all else, so it’s natural for this to be their concern for their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Save more money, spend less, and leave them all you can in their inheritance. That is how you can help them and your grandkids.

Honestly, this. If they currently have some lifestyle (courtesy of you) that you don’t think they can make for themselves as adults—despite going to college and getting a professional job—then you clearly have the resources to help them in the future. Annual gifts, 529s for the grandkids, trusts when you die. Teach them deep financial literacy and long-term/intergenerational wealth planning. This is how every UMC and above family helps those who can’t swing it on their own (for those families that help, that is).

Ick. Don't have or want any of this. Parents don't feel the need to help us financially, which is fine by me. Isn't this how hustle dissipates through generations?

Frankly, I'm not buying yoru "ick." There is nothing icky about this.

Anonymous wrote:I know nearly a dozen young people who have opted not to have kids because they feel they can’t afford them.

All of these young people grew up in nice homes with two loving parents, great schools, travel, etc. Despite having good educations and jobs, the cost of housing plus kids is just too much.

Only one of my kids is old enough to really worry about such things, and they’ve opted to not come back to the dc metro area after college because it’s too expensive.

That's just an excuse not to have kids. Poor people have kids.

Anonymous wrote:If you give to your DC's the best education in the world and they still can't succeed, an inheritance isn't going to make any difference (unless you have Elon Musk money).

... in which case you'd be rotting in hell, so is it worth it?

What a silly thread. There are many people who are lazy and untalented and fail upward (insert son/daughter of someone famous here). As has been proven, if you come from middle to upper class (add non-brown), know the dress and etiquette of a certain class, you’d almost have to work at failing.

Your DC will be just fine; sounds like he/she has a parent who’s at the ready to bail them out if need be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Save more money, spend less, and leave them all you can in their inheritance. That is how you can help them and your grandkids.

Honestly, this. If they currently have some lifestyle (courtesy of you) that you don’t think they can make for themselves as adults—despite going to college and getting a professional job—then you clearly have the resources to help them in the future. Annual gifts, 529s for the grandkids, trusts when you die. Teach them deep financial literacy and long-term/intergenerational wealth planning. This is how every UMC and above family helps those who can’t swing it on their own (for those families that help, that is).

Ick. Don't have or want any of this. Parents don't feel the need to help us financially, which is fine by me. Isn't this how hustle dissipates through generations?

No. I grew up in the Midwest where that view was dominant. But it’s incomplete.

What they missed is that capital compounds advantage. It’s not about consumption (at least not purely), but about removing downside risk. It allows lower-paying but prestige-enhancing jobs early in a career. Unpaid internships. Long educational paths. Starting businesses without fear of destitution if they fail. The key is to use the money to support capacity building and limit it so that you remove stress without removing need for purpose.

Annual gifts under the exemption are not large ($38k if coming from both parents). 529s for grandchildren are for the distant future but alleviate a drain on your children’s finances now (or whenever they have kids). Covering educational expenses supports upward mobility, for financially and socially. Trusts come later. You teach that your family is a steward of money and it is a resource for other things, not that money is a goal unto itself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Save more money, spend less, and leave them all you can in their inheritance. That is how you can help them and your grandkids.

Honestly, this. If they currently have some lifestyle (courtesy of you) that you don’t think they can make for themselves as adults—despite going to college and getting a professional job—then you clearly have the resources to help them in the future. Annual gifts, 529s for the grandkids, trusts when you die. Teach them deep financial literacy and long-term/intergenerational wealth planning. This is how every UMC and above family helps those who can’t swing it on their own (for those families that help, that is).

Ick. Don't have or want any of this. Parents don't feel the need to help us financially, which is fine by me. Isn't this how hustle dissipates through generations?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the college application process wraps up, I’m realizing something that’s getting harder and harder to ignore: it really seems like DC is headed for downward social mobility. I just don’t see them pursuing a career that would allow them to maintain the lifestyle they grew up with. And since they’re not getting into Ivy League schools, they won’t even have the prestige, however little it may be, that might help them hold onto whatever social status comes with it.

And then there’s the bigger picture. The spouse they end up with will probably be in the same situation, and then there are their kids and the whole family trajectory. Add in the rise of AI and the disappearance of jobs, and it’s only going to make things worse.

Maybe this isn’t something people say out loud. One of those quiet anxieties. But can we rant about it on an anonymous forum.

Save more money, spend less, and leave them all you can in their inheritance. That is how you can help them and your grandkids.

Honestly, this. If they currently have some lifestyle (courtesy of you) that you don’t think they can make for themselves as adults—despite going to college and getting a professional job—then you clearly have the resources to help them in the future. Annual gifts, 529s for the grandkids, trusts when you die. Teach them deep financial literacy and long-term/intergenerational wealth planning. This is how every UMC and above family helps those who can’t swing it on their own (for those families that help, that is).

No. We are already considered the poors so the only way my kid can go is up!

Anonymous wrote:Those with hustle don't worry about downward mobility. There is endless opportunities in the US.

Sounds like the hustle may be missing here.

I know nearly a dozen young people who have opted not to have kids because they feel they can’t afford them.

All of these young people grew up in nice homes with two loving parents, great schools, travel, etc. Despite having good educations and jobs, the cost of housing plus kids is just too much.

Only one of my kids is old enough to really worry about such things, and they’ve opted to not come back to the dc metro area after college because it’s too expensive.