You aren’t presenting reason which is why she is not listening. You’re presenting an arbitrary rule you made up and are making her obey. Your whole premise that she doesn’t listen to reason is ridiculous since you aren’t doing or saying anything reasonable.

Well, the “I’m carrying a 15 year old to the car” screams troll. But, if you are not, we are regular churchgoers and have a 14 year old that doesn’t want to attend. We have a variety of compromises that we agree upon each week. Part of the issue is that she wants to sleep in well past 10 when we need her to get up.

Some weeks, we say she has to go. But she can volunteer for children’s church so she misses the “boring” sermon. Sometimes we agree we will eat out at her favorite place to motivate her to go. Some weeks, she does other volunteer related things through church and that counts. We worked a white flag night with homeless women last week. She did the bake sale for a ministry we have to help keep seniors in their homes. Etc. She needs the volunteer hours for school and it shows her how our church does so much in the local downtown community.

My main goal at this point is that we have exposed her to church and tried to show her what a “good church” looks like. She will quit going in college probably (like most kids do), but she knows enough to come back to it as an adult if there is something meaningful there for her. Forcing her into weekly Sunday 11am service is going to nothing but make it more likely that she NEVER comes back to church. You need to play the long game here. You are going to win the battle and lose the war.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you cannot make her understand, because this is not a reasoned decision on your part. It's an emotional decision. Choosing to believe in a religion is an emotional decision.

Yes, you can coerce her into a life she does not want until she's financially independent from you. Many parents all around the world think it is acceptable to force things upon their children, because they believe their children are extensions of themselves.

But actions have consequences. Do not then complain years from now that she does not behave like a dutiful adult daughter, does not visit as often as she should, and doesn't come running when you're old and in need of help.

- BTDT.

BTDT? Sorry. What does this mean?

It means "Been there, done that". I'm the poster from above. My mother was hyper-controlling (not for religion, but for everything else). I moved to a different continent as soon as I could, for grad school, and made my life on that continent. I only return to her country for short visits. We do not have a relationship based on trust, because she has shown me, time and again, that what she believes to be my best interest is not actually my best interest.

So have a care how you embed this church-going in the life of your child, OP. There are ways to persuade a child to do things they don't want to do, by convincing them that you really love them, and by meeting their emotional needs in other ways. That way, they see you are truly on their side. But if everything in their life is one unending "Do it because I told you so and ignore your own feelings" slog, then they will not trust you as adults and everything you forced down their throats as children will be for naught.

It’s both hilarious and sad that OP posted “DD won’t listen to reason” and then it turns out OP isn’t using reason at all— she has simply adopted an arbitrary rule and wants to know why DD won’t go along with it.

Church is not something to force on your kid. If she is showing disinterest, that will harm her relationship with your religion more than you think. Your daughter is allowed to have a different opinion than you, and if it harms her own morals or makes her uncomfortable going, why are you forcing her? You can explain kindly why you want her to go once, and don’t talk about it if she really does feel uncomfortable. Explain that she can come to you on her own time to talk when she is ready.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t going to “see reason”. If you embrace that it will be easier. It can still be a family rule she doesn’t agree with, but you can’t force someone to agree.

My kid doesn’t think they should have to unload the dishwasher. Nothing I tell them will change their perspective. They still need to unload the dishwasher.

OP here, I fear I didn’t make clear how dramatic her refusal is. We physically need to carry her out the door on Sundays. It’s strange and embarrassing. She’s mostly such a well-behaved child, I just don’t understand.

What's not to understand? She doesn't want to go and you have turned this into a huge, relationship-damaging power struggle so she feels backed into a corner, completely unheard, and forced to escalate as far as she can.

What is your end game here? Because right now you are headed toward your daughter hating you, hating church, hating G-d, wanting no relationship with any of them, and having so many negative associations built up that she will never consider coming back when she's older. Is that what you want?

OP please speak to your pastor about this issue. Tell them you have been physically forcing your child to go.
See what they counsel yo to do.

And whoever asked what BTDT means it is a common shorthand for "been there done that." I am not the PP that used the term.

Pls be a troll. You should bot be physically forcing her to do anything. Tie it to access your her phone or money if you are that desperate. She has a mind of her own and she is atheist. Full stop.

I love how if a person posted that their kid didn't want to go volunteer with ICE detainees you all would be like, YES, MOM! STAND YOUR GROUND! but when someone wants their kid to go to - gasp! a progressive and welcoming church! - you guys freak out about how it's a "cult."

OP carries her 15yr old DD out to force her to Church? Did I read that correctly?

So much is wrong with this.

Get a grip, OP.

I hope OP is a troll. If not, please do not force your daughter to go to church. She's 15, not 5 and is old enough to make this decision. You are only going to push her away in you keep forcing Jesus down her throat.

OP is clearly a control freak who is more interested in her cult than her relationship with her daughter

She is old enough to decide for herself. How about she volunteer on Sundays instead? You should not force her to go against her will.

OP, you are way out of line.

Church isn’t required. I wouldn’t ruin my relationship with my kid over it. My son said he was an atheist at age 15 too. He refused to be confirmed and I dropped the issue. He’s 22 now and is going through the process now. His choice.