Anonymous wrote:I grew up in such a competitive "hothouse" environment when it came to going to top colleges that as an eventual parent I got truly shocked to find out how many people either just don't care about it or their kids just go pretty much "anywhere" ... places like lesser state campuses that out-of-state people have never even heard of and no one even takes time to rank.

Wealthiest classmate I had who just donated a $15m building to my prep school sent both her kids to places exactly like that. They were either sub intellects or maybe they're just too rich to care.

The whole game seems different today

Sub intellects? Or maybe they cared and understood that you can get a great education at a university some people sneer at. They are filled with bright, interesting, engaging people, and the professors and instructors come from a lot of great schools.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid is like a tag along, slow at grasping things, has 2 friends who ditch DC when they find someone else to hang out with. DC is not very outspoken or bright and charming which is what has me worried more than the being average at studies.

Maybe you should start trying to hone in on their strengths and interests, rather than seeing them in such a negative light. Even if they’ve drifted a bit as a teen, you must have some idea what their intrinsic characteristics are.

Are they artistic, crafty, good with their hands? Are they compassionate, soft-hearted, or nurturing? What do they gravitate toward? Do they like animals? Nature? Technology? Are they quietly observant? There must be something they can eventually build on, with your encouragement.

Most people aren’t going to set the world on fire, but they usually find some way to get by. Unless they’re heavily resistant or extremely apathetic, college of any type is usually a pretty good way for them to start finding their footing.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in such a competitive "hothouse" environment when it came to going to top colleges that as an eventual parent I got truly shocked to find out how many people either just don't care about it or their kids just go pretty much "anywhere" ... places like lesser state campuses that out-of-state people have never even heard of and no one even takes time to rank.

Wealthiest classmate I had who just donated a $15m building to my prep school sent both her kids to places exactly like that. They were either sub intellects or maybe they're just too rich to care.

The whole game seems different today

“Sub intellects” Are you this insufferable in real life dear?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I want to know how kids who are kind of slow fare in life, their careers.

If any of you were not very good at academics, nor very charming and street smart, are you successful in life with a good income?

What kind of job do you do?

Hi OP, I guess I was a bit like that in HS. I came out of my shell in community college and was even an orientation leader. Earned my Masters and I am a teacher .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in such a competitive "hothouse" environment when it came to going to top colleges that as an eventual parent I got truly shocked to find out how many people either just don't care about it or their kids just go pretty much "anywhere" ... places like lesser state campuses that out-of-state people have never even heard of and no one even takes time to rank.

Wealthiest classmate I had who just donated a $15m building to my prep school sent both her kids to places exactly like that. They were either sub intellects or maybe they're just too rich to care.

The whole game seems different today

The wealthy person game you are describing is the same was it ever was.
They go wherever and do whatever because they have a huge safety net (wealth, trust fund allowance, can go work for Daddy, etc.).
And no, wealthy avg intelligence families don’t hot-house their kids.

Hot-housing is for striver families, intrinsically motivated kids, or extreme right tail talent who is going for it.

I sort of think you're right but I was also raised with a lot of those kids who automatically got into Ivy League schools and barely had to try

I can think of one prep school classmate whom I roomed with on a few international school vacation trips who was basically forced into going to my dream 1st choice college by her father. Old 1600s New York Gilded Age quality Dutch surname. Somewhere during freshman year, though, she turned 18 and came into a trust fund outside of his control. She applied on her own to a 7 sisters school and transferred. And she hated her dad so much she actually legally changed her last name.

I just got recently surprised that a fellow classmate's kid who probably could have been admitted anywhere to a university with his name on the buildings is at a SUNY I'd never heard of. And I grew up in New York state.

Once upon a time Ivies weren’t academically exclusive, they were the just the only colleges around and only rich people went to college. It took a few generations to fully transition to the current hothouse model. You (and I) went to school in the crossover period.

Anonymous wrote:Op, check out the FB page College for Awesomely Average kids. Lots of options out there.

You don’t say your kid’s age or grades but, they could still mature a lot. It also depends on their own motivation. It may change as they get older.

Boys especially mature a lot from late high school to early 20s, don’t sell them short.

This. If I had met my DH when he was 19, he would’ve seemed aimless. Much, much different story now.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid is like a tag along, slow at grasping things, has 2 friends who ditch DC when they find someone else to hang out with. DC is not very outspoken or bright and charming which is what has me worried more than the being average at studies.

Sorry to hear that. Hope you talk with your child and not just lecture (reminding myself as well). If possible, consider moving/changing the environment - location, school, something. Or make your basement more liveable for your stay-at-home child.

Op, check out the FB page College for Awesomely Average kids. Lots of options out there.

You don’t say your kid’s age or grades but, they could still mature a lot. It also depends on their own motivation. It may change as they get older.

Boys especially mature a lot from late high school to early 20s, don’t sell them short.

What does High school grades matter. I had a 77 GPA in high school. A C average. I went to a good four year college. I got full financial aid. I graduated with a 2.6 GPA. Got a job small local bank in their management training program, after a year a job in a large prestigious management training program, then did MBA in Finance, graduated lowest GPA possible. 3.0 as needed at least an overs B average to graduate. School is just a piece of paper GPA is meaningless.

I had Harvard people working for me, on same level IVY league students and worked for CEOs who went to worse schools than me.

Dirty secret there are colleges that will take anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in such a competitive "hothouse" environment when it came to going to top colleges that as an eventual parent I got truly shocked to find out how many people either just don't care about it or their kids just go pretty much "anywhere" ... places like lesser state campuses that out-of-state people have never even heard of and no one even takes time to rank.

Wealthiest classmate I had who just donated a $15m building to my prep school sent both her kids to places exactly like that. They were either sub intellects or maybe they're just too rich to care.

The whole game seems different today

The wealthy person game you are describing is the same was it ever was.
They go wherever and do whatever because they have a huge safety net (wealth, trust fund allowance, can go work for Daddy, etc.).
And no, wealthy avg intelligence families don’t hot-house their kids.

Hot-housing is for striver families, intrinsically motivated kids, or extreme right tail talent who is going for it.

The whole thing about striver families is interesting

Both my in-laws attended ND, but they made it a freaking mission to send all their kids to Ivy League schools and they did, 6/7 (1980s). The last one they tried to get into ND. There’s a whole story about that … my MIL said “the admissions committee called us and apologized but they had to take a black girl instead” (update: don’t talk to those in-laws anymore for years for lots of reasons, but also that one)

My wealthy stepdad was OG from a poor Brooklyn Jewish family with 6 boys, every single one of them went to Columbia first and if they didn’t stay on there, they went to Harvard. Did not work out exactly that way for most of their kids. It was like some of them actually somehow even tried not to be academically successful because they were so sick of the pressure.

All my kids have already been through college at this point so it’s a moot discussion for me personally, but interesting nonetheless

Anonymous wrote:There are 19-20 million college students in the US. Many of them are average students.

Most are average not just many. The very definition of being average is being part of the largest group.

Most important will be the right campus. Close to home, smaller campus might be best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in such a competitive "hothouse" environment when it came to going to top colleges that as an eventual parent I got truly shocked to find out how many people either just don't care about it or their kids just go pretty much "anywhere" ... places like lesser state campuses that out-of-state people have never even heard of and no one even takes time to rank.

Wealthiest classmate I had who just donated a $15m building to my prep school sent both her kids to places exactly like that. They were either sub intellects or maybe they're just too rich to care.

The whole game seems different today

The wealthy person game you are describing is the same was it ever was.
They go wherever and do whatever because they have a huge safety net (wealth, trust fund allowance, can go work for Daddy, etc.).
And no, wealthy avg intelligence families don’t hot-house their kids.

Hot-housing is for striver families, intrinsically motivated kids, or extreme right tail talent who is going for it.

I sort of think you're right but I was also raised with a lot of those kids who automatically got into Ivy League schools and barely had to try

I can think of one prep school classmate whom I roomed with on a few international school vacation trips who was basically forced into going to my dream 1st choice college by her father. Old 1600s New York Gilded Age quality Dutch surname. Somewhere during freshman year, though, she turned 18 and came into a trust fund outside of his control. She applied on her own to a 7 sisters school and transferred. And she hated her dad so much she actually legally changed her last name.

I just got recently surprised that a fellow classmate's kid who probably could have been admitted anywhere to a university with his name on the buildings is at a SUNY I'd never heard of. And I grew up in New York state.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I want to know how kids who are kind of slow fare in life, their careers.

If any of you were not very good at academics, nor very charming and street smart, are you successful in life with a good income?

What kind of job do you do?

Don’t worry there is a huge shift going on with AI and the world economy.
No body is going to tell you how it’s going to work out.
The military might be one good option to learn discipline, leadership and other skills.
In addition there is always huge budget for the military.

And off the boat immigrants kids

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in such a competitive "hothouse" environment when it came to going to top colleges that as an eventual parent I got truly shocked to find out how many people either just don't care about it or their kids just go pretty much "anywhere" ... places like lesser state campuses that out-of-state people have never even heard of and no one even takes time to rank.

Wealthiest classmate I had who just donated a $15m building to my prep school sent both her kids to places exactly like that. They were either sub intellects or maybe they're just too rich to care.

The whole game seems different today

The wealthy person game you are describing is the same was it ever was.
They go wherever and do whatever because they have a huge safety net (wealth, trust fund allowance, can go work for Daddy, etc.).
And no, wealthy avg intelligence families don’t hot-house their kids.

Hot-housing is for striver families, intrinsically motivated kids, or extreme right tail talent who is going for it.