Anonymous wrote:ESH

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are this woman's kids and does she have or expect grandkids?

I honestly think in a second marriage with adult children, the wife tries to monopolize the husband's time away from his own kids and grandkids, because she's trying to reconstruct an intact family and doesn't want his kids around at all. And the man on some level knows this, and starts behaving like OP is behaving to get rid of his kids. Because he understands that is the price of the marriage and wants a wife young enough to care for him.

Yes she does, 34 and 22. She has two grandkids. Her daughters don’t get along - she had separate them from a physical fight recently.

Anonymous wrote:My parents are about your age, OP, and my mom passed, and my dad remarried a 56-year-old woman; I wouldn't want to deal with her either. 56 is too young for my early seventies dad; a woman that young would only date him for money. I especially wouldn't want to have to deal with her during his end-of-life care. Happy to do it for my parents if they are married to each other or single and widowed, but with a new spouse in the way? No.

Anonymous wrote:How old are this woman's kids and does she have or expect grandkids?

I honestly think in a second marriage with adult children, the wife tries to monopolize the husband's time away from his own kids and grandkids, because she's trying to reconstruct an intact family and doesn't want his kids around at all. And the man on some level knows this, and starts behaving like OP is behaving to get rid of his kids. Because he understands that is the price of the marriage and wants a wife young enough to care for him.

Anonymous wrote:My wife used to frequent this site, so I’m hoping you all can give me some insight.

I was with my wife for over 45 years, and she unexpectedly passed in August of 2024. I started casually dating around February 2025. I told my daughter (35) then that I was dating and I planned on remarrying. She told me then it was my business, but she thought it was too soon for me to date but it was definitely too soon for her to hear about it. She said that I could do what I want but asked that I don’t speak to her about my dating life.

Fast forward to August and I met someone, and we’ve been dating since. I met her children back in early October so we thought it would be a good time for her to meet my children. I brought it up to my daughter and she told me she wasn’t ready to meet her yet, especially since we’d only been dating for a couple of months. I told her that was rude and that this would hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. She said if she’s a decent person she’ll understand. After this, admittedly, I says some things I regret (I tried to make her feel guilty). My son also said he wasn’t ready to meet her either.

Last week I brought up them meeting again. Before I brought this up I told her I was still seeing her but let her know I was unsure if we’d go the distance because we fight so much. I also told my daughter that my girlfriend was upset about she had her brother not wanting to meet her. She asked if she was upset or disappointed, because according to her she can understand disappointment but not hurt. I told her both, and that I told my girlfriend to extend grace to she and brother because of their grief. She said given my age (72), is this how I want to spend my time, fighting with someone all the time? She said that if we’re fighting this much and it’s only been a few months it’s only going to get worse. I told her I’d think about that.

After this is when I asked her if she’d consider an introduction between the two of them, not to spend time, but simply an introduction. She hesitated and told me she doesn’t know. I told her that at some point in the future if I’m still around, I’m going to have another wife. She said, “I know” and brought up her aunt and her mother. Her aunt, my wife’s sister, who was like a mother to her also unexpectedly passed 4 months before my wife. She said, “Mary passing is still fresh. So can you imagine how fresh mom passing is? Plus, now that I’m pregnant (first time), I miss her even more and it’s even harder for me. This is a very sensitive time for me.”. I told her that I understood and let her know that my girlfriend could help with that. My daughter said no, and that she didn’t want her to help. That this would’ve been a time reserved for her mom, and no one else. I asked her to just think about it when she was ready.

My daughter stayed the night last night because she’s helping me go through the attic. My girlfriend and I got into a pretty loud, nasty argument over the phone. We both said some nasty things. My girlfriend said some mean things about my wife, although she denies it. This morning, my daughter came downstairs and asked , “You guys fighting again, huh?” I told her yes. She said, “I’m not trying to be in your business but I heard you tell her that she said some mean things about mom.”. I told her I thought she did but that she denied it. My daughter said that if that’s the case she will never meet her, and that she knows her brother never will either.

I’m meeting my girlfriend tonight for dinner to patch things up.

So now what?

Just in case people are wondering:

Me, 72
Girlfriend, 56
Son, 39
Daughter, 35

Anonymous wrote:I think your dd is being pretty immature and selfish about your need for companionship; you were incredibly obtuse and insensitive for acting like your girlfriend could help your dd through her pregnancy when your dd is so sad that her mom isn’t around for it; and your girlfriend sounds like a volatile piece of work. All of you seem too self centered to make a successful blended family.

I don’t know what your relationship was like with your wife, but if you’re not accustomed to this much fighting, your girlfriend is probably not a good potential spouse for you.