Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he do any extra curricular activities currently?

Not with the school, he was doing a sport with a neighborhood league but hoping to join a club and a sport this semester.

Friends are made during activities. He should sign up for anything that interests him because you never know where you will find your people.

Won’t make any friends just going to class and sitting home.

Yep, clubs at school. My neighbor who had a kid in HS when my kid was about to start said to me that the best thing a kid can do for their social life is to get involved, join clubs.

My youngest joined the theater and met some friends there. They also joined an art group, and met some good friends that way.

Another kid I know who is not sporty at all, helps manage an athletic team in HS, and met a good friend that way.

Another type of crew to consider is Crew aka rowing. Also getting ready to start up. My DD's Best Friend started her Sophomore year after rough freshman year of trying to find her place. It is a club sport at most schools.

Anonymous wrote:Is this FCPS? Did your child go to South Lakes or Oakton? This is my greatest concern with my kid. Everyone at their middle school is going to go to the new high school except for them because of a handful of mommies obsessed with status. It's so frustrating OP. Try to see if he can get together with sports friends or old middle school friends.

This isn't relevant to OP yet, but if your kid is going to South Lakes, my kid ended up being friends with a lot of kids that went there. He met them at work. I am one of the early posters and he didn't make a ton of friends at school at first but did later at a part time job. The South Lakes kids seemed really nice that he became friends with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tech theater - the spring musicals are getting ready to start up rehearsals soon. He can help build sets. Theater kids tend to be very accepting and outgoing. If he’s feeling really brave, try out, boys are always needed for the shows!

That’s a good idea, I hadn’t considered it

+1 to theater. I have a friend whose son never quite ‘fit in’, he played sports but it wasn’t his thing and he felt like the odd one out. He got involved in theater I think in late MS and the transformation was amazing. All the kids seem so welcoming and accepting and this previously shy, a little awkward kid is starring in productions! I think he’s done tech too and enjoyed it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why the post used "they" as the answers will differ for boys versus girls unless they only want us to commiserate.

Why does the answer differ for girls and boys at this age? People have given the menu of options that apply to either gender.

Ok, you're right. There are no differences in how kids of either sex make friends.


Carry on, then.

I mean the general advice for either gender is join things and get involved and get some repeat exposure to other kids. Right? I have never seen girls do this and boys do that.

The one thing I haven't seen mentioned here that more applies to older kids is to get a job. Another good suggestion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why the post used "they" as the answers will differ for boys versus girls unless they only want us to commiserate.

Why does the answer differ for girls and boys at this age? People have given the menu of options that apply to either gender.

Ok, you're right. There are no differences in how kids of either sex make friends.


Carry on, then.

This will be a learning experience. He is extroverted but maybe has not had to really go out of his comfort zone if he’s gone to school with all the same kids, this will improve his social skills in the end but I know it’s hard now.

Boys at this age can be really clannish. They do not have high bars for entry into social groups but you need an “in”. A sport, skateboarding, video games seem to be the go to, so if he’s not into any of that it might be harder plus freshman boys are terrible at planning and inviting. He really should consider making friends with a girl or two. They will include him in things boys won’t think to.

A spring sport that’s low entry bar or no cut is a good idea. Encourage him to maintain his middle school friends so that he at least has weekend and summer plans. Kids typically have friends outside their school at this age.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why the post used "they" as the answers will differ for boys versus girls unless they only want us to commiserate.

Why does the answer differ for girls and boys at this age? People have given the menu of options that apply to either gender.

Not sure why the post used "they" as the answers will differ for boys versus girls unless they only want us to commiserate.

Is this FCPS? Did your child go to South Lakes or Oakton? This is my greatest concern with my kid. Everyone at their middle school is going to go to the new high school except for them because of a handful of mommies obsessed with status. It's so frustrating OP. Try to see if he can get together with sports friends or old middle school friends.

My DS was in similar boat for half of high school. No social calendar at all despite being an outgoing, sporty kid. By junior year, ended up becoming very tight with kids from a variety of schools (but not his own school) through his club sport and now does stuff with those kids all the time. This renewed social calendar then gave DS more confidence at his own school and things have gotten better there too even though he still doesn’t have “outside of school” friends from his own HS. It has been tough though so I feel your pain. You can find many old posts on this same issue in this forum.

Thank you all for the good suggestions and for commiserating. I appreciate it and hope all our kiddos find their tribe.

Theater is a great group. Cast can be very competitive at large publics but they always take crew kids. The good thing about theater is its a lot of time. Once a week club isn't going to cut it in terms of forming a bond with other kids.

Anonymous wrote:Tech theater - the spring musicals are getting ready to start up rehearsals soon. He can help build sets. Theater kids tend to be very accepting and outgoing. If he’s feeling really brave, try out, boys are always needed for the shows!

This has worked for my kids. And it will keep him busy after school for a few weeks. Theater kids definitely form a tight bond.