Anonymous wrote:This is how it would roll my house. Drinking is illegal. Her social life would go down to nothing. If she drives, that stops. Overnights at her friend’s house stops. She has lost your trust. Perhaps she needs to do some research on females who are impaired and the likelihood of bad decisions.

Obviously, your husband ‘s “good practice” approach wouldn’t work for me.

And you would have created a cat and mouse game you won’t win. Some rules are fine. Trying to crush her into submission won’t work. She cares more about peer acceptance than what you want. It’s better to use whatever influence and leverage you have to steer things where you can and to understand your limits.

small amounts? suuuuuuurrre. It's not small amounts and they are not staying put at the sleepover.

I’d take away driving privileges, not her phone. I can’t trust an underage drinker with a car. How much “practice” for college drinking does your dh think she needs? You’re not even talking about giving her permission to drink under your supervision on a couple special occasions; what you’re describing is her drinking when she feels like it and the opportunity presents itself. That’s not “practice,” that’s just plain drinking.

Lax parenting is so trendy and enlightened!

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that the practice for college thing is not real and has the opposite effect, and it's dangerous for teens to drink for many reasons.

If it were me, I'd allow my DC a very small amount of wine or beer under my supervision, at home, only. Just so they know it's not this great thing and actually kinda gross.

This is a pervasive mindset and it's because it's easy for the parent.

For the person saying kids need to learn how to get drunk in high school in a safe environment...they are not getting wasted with you at home while watching an after school special. It's all the same dynamics at play as college it's just even less formed brains and poor decision making skills and more likely cars are involved than college.

Anonymous wrote:Mine would no longer be allowed to sleepovers or parties.

If that is even where she is when she's drinking.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that the practice for college thing is not real and has the opposite effect, and it's dangerous for teens to drink for many reasons.

If it were me, I'd allow my DC a very small amount of wine or beer under my supervision, at home, only. Just so they know it's not this great thing and actually kinda gross.

100% agree.

This kid is probably going to grow up to be an alcoholic and there's not much you can prevent it. It starts very young. It's how the brain is wired. OP's husband sounds like too, one given his attitude.

I wouldn't be allowing sleepovers! That's the first thing to go, more so than the phone imo. And parties? Are you picking her up from these "parties"? No teen should be driving. You should be evaluating her condition after any of these parties, having discussions

what good does taking her phone away do here? no parties. no sleepovers. discussions about legal consequences of getting caught drinking underage. reminders that you do not get in a car with someone who has been drinking.

What does turning 18 have to do with it? Is your DH so out of it that he does not know the legal drinking age is 21?

I agree with your H so many girls came to college, drank for the 1st time and didn't know how much would affect them and were in a strange place.

Talk about safety, Ubering, covering your drink, what to do if you feel you over indulged, don't crash around strange boys, etc .

Agree with others that the practice for college thing is not real and has the opposite effect, and it's dangerous for teens to drink for many reasons.

If it were me, I'd allow my DC a very small amount of wine or beer under my supervision, at home, only. Just so they know it's not this great thing and actually kinda gross.

Anonymous wrote:DD ia 17, a senior, and has started drinking small amounts with friends, at sleepovers, parties, etc. I’m not happy about it but my husband says that it’s good practice for college, and that she’s almost 18(in may!), as an excuse to not give her consequences or step in.

How would you handle this?
She’s 17, so what consequences would be appropriate, besides taking her phone away?

What does her phone have to do with underage drinking? How is taking it away an appropriate consequence? Explain it to me like I'm five... Or are you just so lazy that you don't know how to parent so this is your fallback punishment for everything?

The thing about drinking is it has natural consequences. Hangovers, getting bloated and fat, making an ass of yourself, etc. Let her experience those things. Maybe remind her that drinking will absolutely make her fat and put her at risk for sexual assault.

But taking away her phone? That doesn't make a lick of sense.

Good lord, practice for what? Many don’t drink in college. Youth are different these days.
Anyway, this is a serious issue. You need to ground her, no more seeing those drinking friends, monitor her texts etc on phone and she gets limited time with phone every day. I would probably notify the other parents involved, so no one blames you for supplying.
I know parts of dc have no problem with kids drinking and going drugs, but it’s not ok.