Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Are you and the other mom hanging out while the 9-year olds and the younger sibling play? If so, this may explain it. It's probably easier for one parent to do stuff with both kids and the other parent to have some time to take care of things at home, or maybe the other parent is working or away. That would seem reasonable to me.

If however you're inviting the 9-year old friend to be dropped off and no parent is staying to socialize, and the family is expecting to be able to drop off both kids, you just need to say no. Just say your child really wants to play with their one same-aged friend, or that the dynamic of a group of 3 isn't great (which is true), or that you have some things to do and can leave the 2 girls to their own devices but when there are siblings it makes it too hard for you to manage. Whatever the reason, just say no. You can also try to set the tone by planning things for your child and the friend out of the house, like if you were going to take DD to a movie see if she wants to bring a friend then tell the other family you have 1 extra ticket and would love to bring larla.

Anonymous wrote:If it is at my house, well, I cannot kick away my younger child to somewhere else or lock him/her in the room not to join. If it is at your house, I will only bring the invited child only. If it is outside of any home event and I need to come along, I will evaluate to see if I should bring the invited only or both depends how long, how far away, where, and what that is.

Exactly this. I try to schedule playdates when the younger kid isn't around too.

I feel you mama! I am a parent of an only and friends's siblings are annoying. When they've got an older sibling, you don't know what kind of abusive tendencies they may have, and when they're younger, they tend to get in the way of the kids getting to know each other and playing.

When I was younger, my friend's sibling poisoned me.

Parents of multiples, please schedule play dates for each of your kids so that they each have a friend to play with.

You could also plan playdates outside of the home and this won't be an issue. Especially if you pick up the other child, take the kids to lunch/ice cream and then go to your house. Not saying you should have to do this but if they are sending a sibling along on a play date like this, you need to just stop setting up plans with that family because they are clueless.

You could also say you are working while the kids are playing so need to limit the number of kids. Then they may get the hint.

My kids are both boys and close in age and when the older one has friends over, the younger one will hang out with them and they don't seem to mind. The older one is too cool to hang with the younger kids But I would never just drop both off unless specifically asked to do so. I look at it as an opportunity to spend time one on one with the other child.

No. Mine are really close in age, but play dates are generally limited to exclude siblings. Occasionally, if meeting at a playground or friend coming to our house, they’ll end up all playing together.

My 2 sons were a year apart. When they had play dates, I allowed the other sibling to join in for 1 hour all together. Then, the sibling and friend could play alone for the next hour. House rules.

Anonymous wrote:If it is at my house, well, I cannot kick away my younger child to somewhere else or lock him/her in the room not to join. If it is at your house, I will only bring the invited child only. If it is outside of any home event and I need to come along, I will evaluate to see if I should bring the invited only or both depends how long, how far away, where, and what that is.

+1 and anyone who gets offended at sibling not being invited to a playdate at someone else's house is out of line.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is an only child who would love to play one-on-one with some of their friends but it seems like other parents always expect the younger sibling to be included. We don’t mind including everyone most of the time but there also needs to be some solo time to develop a closer relationship as individuals. It’s sad when my DC expresses a desire to spend time with her peer but the little sibling always ends up dominating the whole play date and the other parents are practically offended if anyone asks to split the kids up once in a while. Is there a good way to approach this situation given the tender nerves of some parents or is this just the way it is with siblings?

It's good for your only child to experience sibling dynamics even in a second hand way. It will help develop her social skills much better than your attempts to curate inorganic 1 on 1 play. Otherwise, just make playdates with fellow onlies.

This is ridiculous. They can learn dynamics of playing with multiple kids at recess, sports, activities etc. Individuals are all entitled to their own friends and siblings/spouses/others don’t always need to be along for the ride.

If the playdate is hosted at the home of siblings, you're way off base. Siblings have a right to be in the common areas of their own home and do not have to go hide in the attic just because some spoiled only child can't handle a curious little brother.

It depends on the family and the dynamics of the siblings.

I’m an only child with three kids. I notice families with kids close in age, often still have kids who tag along.

DD is 16 and her best friend has a 14yo sibling who comes along at times to the park or mall.

Thinking back to my own life, I had a friend with b/g twin siblings that hung out with us all of the time. They were four years younger but close and all of our personalities matched.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is an only child who would love to play one-on-one with some of their friends but it seems like other parents always expect the younger sibling to be included. We don’t mind including everyone most of the time but there also needs to be some solo time to develop a closer relationship as individuals. It’s sad when my DC expresses a desire to spend time with her peer but the little sibling always ends up dominating the whole play date and the other parents are practically offended if anyone asks to split the kids up once in a while. Is there a good way to approach this situation given the tender nerves of some parents or is this just the way it is with siblings?

It's good for your only child to experience sibling dynamics even in a second hand way. It will help develop her social skills much better than your attempts to curate inorganic 1 on 1 play. Otherwise, just make playdates with fellow onlies.

This is ridiculous. They can learn dynamics of playing with multiple kids at recess, sports, activities etc. Individuals are all entitled to their own friends and siblings/spouses/others don’t always need to be along for the ride.

Anonymous wrote:My DC is an only child who would love to play one-on-one with some of their friends but it seems like other parents always expect the younger sibling to be included. We don’t mind including everyone most of the time but there also needs to be some solo time to develop a closer relationship as individuals. It’s sad when my DC expresses a desire to spend time with her peer but the little sibling always ends up dominating the whole play date and the other parents are practically offended if anyone asks to split the kids up once in a while. Is there a good way to approach this situation given the tender nerves of some parents or is this just the way it is with siblings?

It's good for your only child to experience sibling dynamics even in a second hand way. It will help develop her social skills much better than your attempts to curate inorganic 1 on 1 play. Otherwise, just make playdates with fellow onlies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Yeah that’s weird. I have 3 kids and make an effort to ensure they each get some time with peers without a sibling around. However, there are times friends come over spontaneously (e.g. snow day) and I expect them to get along with all my kids. I would never expect someone else to host a sibling though. The only time this ever really comes up is in a few instances where my kids are friends with same aged siblings, so sometimes they’ll all get together, and other times we do a sibling swap (e.g. we host the older brothers and the other house hosts the younger sisters).

After 2nd grade it's drop off. I have 2 kids and when the older has a friend over I try to engage the little one or take her elsewhere if the other parent is home. The sibling with the playdate gets a choice if they don't want their sibling part of the playdate. Thankfully we have a lot of friends with kids same ages as ours so we do cross playdates or all 4 kids at one house and they naturally split by age and separate themselves in the house and everyone is entertained.

No, we never bring the other kid to play dates unless they are explicitly invited.

I have a newly 10yo only and no, we don’t invite younger siblings to play. Honestly, for a lot of his friends, they love coming to our place and not having their sibling underfoot. I’ve had other parents, when we’re setting things up, straight up ask if we can host so they can tell sibling that they’re not invited and it’s a special play date for the older one. Parents are happy to drop off one kid.