My distant grandparents weren’t told when I was graduating, though they knew which year , and weren’t invited to the ceremony or graduation party. My close grandparents were, and everyone had a great time. No big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're literally creating a problem where there isn't one. Bravo.

The discomfort is clearly on OPs side. The graduate doesn't even have to sit with the family so why would he be so worried?

As OP said, she causes drama. What kid wants their grandmother creating chaos at his graduation? I think OP is just trying to figure out how to navigate telling the grandmother she’s not invited, should she ask, which she likely will since she’s still in occasional contact with her son, and likely knows her grandson is a senior this year.

Anonymous wrote:You're literally creating a problem where there isn't one. Bravo.

The discomfort is clearly on OPs side. The graduate doesn't even have to sit with the family so why would he be so worried?

The right thing to do is to not invite her. This should not even be a question.

Anonymous wrote:
DH is torn about what the “right” thing to do is. DS does not want her at either the graduation or the party. I generally side with prioritizing the kids’ comfort, but I’m struggling with how to handle this tactfully and fairly, especially since DH has no other family he’s in contact with.

His graduation, his choice. I'd not invite her or even discuss it, and if she ever brings it up suggest a dinner later to celebrate.

Anonymous wrote:Does the grandmother even know about the graduation and the party? Do not invite her. Do not tell her.

Seriously? I’m sure she knows her grandkid is graduating and that there will be some sort of celebration.

Anonymous wrote:Is there a live stream? Send her the link.

Plan a separate dinner "celebration" with her at a different time if she pushes it.

As always, it’s completely up to the graduate. They may not want your parents there, perhaps there are two friends they want instead.

Does the grandmother even know about the graduation and the party? Do not invite her. Do not tell her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reassure your ds that she won’t be there. No reason for him to be so worried about it. If she asks about coming to the cereminy, tell her that tickets are limited. If she asks about a party, tell her that your ds is having a small party for his friends (or no party).

If your dh speaks to her that infrequently, the subject will likely not come up at all.

I think we are all wondering what will happen because she ignores the kids all year until it’s a “big” event or celebration, and then she begs to be included (we don’t and hold firm, but she tried).

Someone else said that she shouldn’t get to ignore the kids all year and then want “in”, and I needed that, so thank you to that PP. I needed that reminder. I will be reassuring DS after I press submit on this. She won’t be invited.

If she is abusive then why would you want her paying attention to the kids?

Assure your son she will not be there as the allotted tickets cover nuclear family and 2 guests. (Does he want his other grandparents or did you choose them?)

Say nothing to her. If she asks, it’s perfectly fine to say it’s a ticketed event, and Joey doesn’t receive enough to cover everyone. Just leave it there. If she asks about a party, say you haven’t made any plans because he wants to work around all of his friends parties as well. Offer to send photos and ask her if she’d like to take him out to celebrate or something personal. Putting the ball in her court to honor him might squash her interest entirely!

Anonymous wrote:Reassure your ds that she won’t be there. No reason for him to be so worried about it. If she asks about coming to the cereminy, tell her that tickets are limited. If she asks about a party, tell her that your ds is having a small party for his friends (or no party).

If your dh speaks to her that infrequently, the subject will likely not come up at all.

I think we are all wondering what will happen because she ignores the kids all year until it’s a “big” event or celebration, and then she begs to be included (we don’t and hold firm, but she tried).

Someone else said that she shouldn’t get to ignore the kids all year and then want “in”, and I needed that, so thank you to that PP. I needed that reminder. I will be reassuring DS after I press submit on this. She won’t be invited.

Anonymous wrote:Setting aside for the moment that wearing a knee brace, getting special seating, and having over the top food preferences are not reasons to disinvite or go low contact — if you already do not have much contact then why would you invite her? Simply don’t bring it up and if she asks, say there are not enough tickets (which is true) and be done with it.

Those aren’t the reasons, those are just things she does to draw the attention back to herself, always.

Reassure your ds that she won’t be there. No reason for him to be so worried about it. If she asks about coming to the cereminy, tell her that tickets are limited. If she asks about a party, tell her that your ds is having a small party for his friends (or no party).

If your dh speaks to her that infrequently, the subject will likely not come up at all.

You're literally creating a problem where there isn't one. Bravo.