I have a group that is loosely connected to a book club. We were friends first, then started a book club, and absorbed a few more women this way. The book club means that most of us see each other at least monthly, plus there are other smaller gatherings based on other connections or location proximity (we all used to live nearby, but then a few people moved away, and we became kind of bipolar geographically). We’ve traveled together (a subset of the group) a few times, but haven’t resumed it since covid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t like friend groups - the superficiality of the interactions isn’t for me - I am not enough of an extrovert that I enjoy just standing around and chatting for it’s own sake on a regular basis.

That said … now that I am older and have more free time, I think I would like a “friend group” that was actually an activity group. I’m going to start looking around for that.

I find it very odd that you think a group of FRIENDS is sitting around being superficial. My closest friend group (about 12 couples total, 8 that are really the core) has been there for deaths, divorces, etc. We aren't just sitting around chatting about the weather.

That’s not the norm

I’ve always had multiple groups, never feeling like bffs with anyone. I moved away from one group after Covid because they continue to hang out with a conspiracy/antivaxx crazy person and I just don’t want to deal with her. I generally prefer small get together, one on one lunches or dinners.

My husband has a group of friends that he’s known since elementary school. They all get together a few times a year. We usually do NYE with them.

I also have multiple friend groups. One of them is a group of about 8 women I've known since high school (or earlier). We're mostly scattered but have kept in touch over the years and in the past 10 years (we're 55) have started going on one or more beach/international trips per year.

Another, a small group from college. One married couple, plus me and another guy. We have a group text thread and text daily. See each other for all major holidays.

Locally, I have a close friend group of other parents that I raised my kids with. We are still pretty close even though our kids are grown now. Probably 15 people in this group.

And another local friend group with group text chat of people I see and hang out with regularly. We have backyard fires, go to events, out to dinner, help each other when needed etc. Some singles, some couples. Probably 10 people in this group.

I've also been part of other groups that have blown up for various reasons. It can be sad and hard when that happens, but it doesn't outweigh the benefits of being in community with people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t like friend groups - the superficiality of the interactions isn’t for me - I am not enough of an extrovert that I enjoy just standing around and chatting for it’s own sake on a regular basis.

That said … now that I am older and have more free time, I think I would like a “friend group” that was actually an activity group. I’m going to start looking around for that.

I find it very odd that you think a group of FRIENDS is sitting around being superficial. My closest friend group (about 12 couples total, 8 that are really the core) has been there for deaths, divorces, etc. We aren't just sitting around chatting about the weather.

Chatting with 24 people is not exactly going deep! My point is, those are not FRIENDS by my definition. They are acquaintances. That doesn't mean that you don't get social support from them, but the relationships are more superficial than I have energy for.

That's not necessarily how it works. Yes, I'm closer to some friends in a given group than others, but they are not acquaintances. We have shared memories, experiences, vacations, etc., and we are comfortable enough in each others's company that we can just let go and be ourselves when we get together. It's not awkward small talk like at the country club or office happy hour or whatever . . . and I say this as an introvert.

I have multiple friend groups (church, book group, PTA friends, college friends and even HS friends), and as a lifelong extrovert, I am happy about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t like friend groups - the superficiality of the interactions isn’t for me - I am not enough of an extrovert that I enjoy just standing around and chatting for it’s own sake on a regular basis.

That said … now that I am older and have more free time, I think I would like a “friend group” that was actually an activity group. I’m going to start looking around for that.

I find it very odd that you think a group of FRIENDS is sitting around being superficial. My closest friend group (about 12 couples total, 8 that are really the core) has been there for deaths, divorces, etc. We aren't just sitting around chatting about the weather.

Chatting with 24 people is not exactly going deep! My point is, those are not FRIENDS by my definition. They are acquaintances. That doesn't mean that you don't get social support from them, but the relationships are more superficial than I have energy for.

You're missing the point. We had a party back in December with around 25 adults in attendance. I wasn't speaking to all 25 of them at the same time. Instead, I was having conversations with one person, conversations with maybe 2-3 people, and then some larger conversations with maybe 4-6 people max. These people actually are my friends, and some of the things we discussed were deep. These are the people who show up at 5 am to watch your kids when you have to go to the hospital with your husband. The people who take your kids for the weekend so you can go to a funeral when your husband is deployed. The people who make dinner and invite your family over because they know you're going through a rough time. The people who go to court with you to testify on your behalf in your custody battle with a crazy ex. I'm sad for you that you don't have relationships like that that aren't superficial.

We have multiple small groups of friends. We are probably closest to one of them, with a pretty active group chat and seeing each other at least once or twice a month. But we see our other friends almost as often, once a month or sometimes every other month.

These are just loose groups though. In every group, people have friends outside the group.

I am an introvert so I don't crave constant socialization, but I do think it's important to have friends and community.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t like friend groups - the superficiality of the interactions isn’t for me - I am not enough of an extrovert that I enjoy just standing around and chatting for it’s own sake on a regular basis.

That said … now that I am older and have more free time, I think I would like a “friend group” that was actually an activity group. I’m going to start looking around for that.

I find it very odd that you think a group of FRIENDS is sitting around being superficial. My closest friend group (about 12 couples total, 8 that are really the core) has been there for deaths, divorces, etc. We aren't just sitting around chatting about the weather.

Chatting with 24 people is not exactly going deep! My point is, those are not FRIENDS by my definition. They are acquaintances. That doesn't mean that you don't get social support from them, but the relationships are more superficial than I have energy for.

Yes I have a lot of friend groups:

1) My college friends
2) My husbands college friends
3) Mom friends from pre-school
4) Neighborhood friends

I spend quality time with each of these groups every year, some more than others.

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend group of 7+ moms in my neighborhood. We hang out, party, go on vacations, support each other. They are amazing and wonderful people. Zero drama.

Same. We also spend a lot of time with the husbands (i.e. couples) and the kids. People have moved and some have divorced so now only one of them is left in the neighborhood but the same mostly core group has been going for 15 years or so. Before anyone had kids.

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t like friend groups - the superficiality of the interactions isn’t for me - I am not enough of an extrovert that I enjoy just standing around and chatting for it’s own sake on a regular basis.

That said … now that I am older and have more free time, I think I would like a “friend group” that was actually an activity group. I’m going to start looking around for that.

I find it very odd that you think a group of FRIENDS is sitting around being superficial. My closest friend group (about 12 couples total, 8 that are really the core) has been there for deaths, divorces, etc. We aren't just sitting around chatting about the weather.

More than one. I feel like I collect one at every life stage, although at 57 that's slowing way down. The most enduring (and drama-filled) one dates back to middle school.

Anonymous wrote:We are becoming a loneliner nation. With every generation, people have less and less friends and that's true for both men and women.

You can thank the Tech Bros for this. These autistic A*holes, lonely AF, weird antisocial basically "transfered" their way of life onto us via technology. From dating apps to social media platforms, they have successfully managed in making us more and more isolated like them.

Even friendships today are superficial. I read an article that said that vast amount of people can go an entire week without talking to a stranger even just saying "good morning". It's crazy.

I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 46 and don't use social media much so I get almost zero interaction with my friends in that manner. As a result, I talk to them on the phone (if they live far away) or see them in person (if they live closer) on a regular basis. I'd say they're all the same as me - spending time with friends in real life appears to be a priority for all of us.

I have multiple friend groups in my life and a few I see on a regular basis. One is the moms of the girls in my twins' grade. We do lunches, dinners, parties, etc. One is our neighborhood families, all of whom have kids within a few years of ours. We do get togethers a lot, sometimes with the larger group, sometimes smaller, sometimes with kids, sometimes just adults. I also have 1:1 relationships with multiple people in that group. The others are my college girlfriends and although we live all over, we get together 3-4 times a year.