Anonymous wrote:She might not feel excluded so much as overwhelmed and be even feel less than or like a fraud for going from zero to a 9 year old overnight. I’m sure it is a huge and difficult adjustment even as she feels joy and excitement, and she is probably self-editing in a way that you don’t with a new baby. Everyone is sympathetic if you have a crying infant or rascally toddler. But she probably feels like she doesn’t have grounds to complain about any challenges she’s facing with her new little kid. I can imagine it feeling really isolating, especially if she’s second guessing people’s reactions given how she expressed her feelings about parenting in the past.

Be there for the highs when they come and let just her be herself in the meantime. Maybe instead of asking constant kid questions or chit chat you can just give her a child-focused check-in question once a week and see how that lands.

Also, I’m sure this has been taken care of but what about a little gift that could be a bonding activity for the mom and child? A small gift card to a local bookstore for her daughter might be a nice neutral way to acknowledge the milestone without the pressure of a physical gift.