Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 15:40     Subject: Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?



Ugh. I am the same way. Following.
Also I would like to note that I was never this way until I went to professional school and dated someone who would be considered out of my league from a class standpoint. That triggered all of this.


Same here, but it started when I starting dating my STBX. He was really critical and his voice got in my head. After he left I noticed my socializing ramped up immediately and with ease. The only time I’m flustered is the time leading up to having to interact with him for custody or legal stuff.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 15:00     Subject: Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk
Anonymous wrote:Same. Everybody tells me to do improv.


Yes! Improv and toastmasters will help a lot as well as meditation, exercise and breathing. Only resort to drugs as a last measure.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 14:46     Subject: Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?


Just stop being that way. Sounds simple but starting today just say "I am who I am. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me." Have confidence in who you are. Try to be a good listener, do not interrupt others when they are speaking, and be aware of reading the room Other than that - just have confidence in who you are and stop questioning yourself.


Idk, I think I am a good listener (I much prefer it, since I hate speaking) and ask questions but I always feel like whatever tiny contribution is bad, and actually much worse than someone who was super chatty and said a bunch of crazy or even rude things because that's entertaining, while someone who doesn't talk a lot and says something dumb when they do speak adds so little value. I am 46 and in peri but I've always been a little bit that way. Now it's much worse (I'd say it increasingly got worse post covid and peak now).
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 12:57     Subject: Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk
Anonymous wrote:Toastmasters is designed to address this.


NP. This made me google and find a club nearby. Thanks!
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 11:48     Subject: Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk
Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?


Just stop being that way. Sounds simple but starting today just say "I am who I am. I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me." Have confidence in who you are. Try to be a good listener, do not interrupt others when they are speaking, and be aware of reading the room Other than that - just have confidence in who you are and stop questioning yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 23:20     Subject: Hyper self-cousciousness when I talk
Anonymous wrote:Whenever I talk to someone, anyone, I get SO in my head about whether I said the right thing or offended someone, talked too much. It's gotten to the point I've developed a phobia of speaking. I just forced myself to participate during a zoom. My boss seemed interested in what I said, but I feel like I took up too much space and sounded dumb in the way I phrased my ideas. I will now replay this for a couple hours and feel like the biggest idiot. A couple months ago I went to a wedding and I will have thoughts pop in my head randomly about whether I sounded like an ass when I said bye to the bride, or whether a comment I made to a distant cousin was rude. If dh takes our dog to the park, I don't even want to go because I fear I'll say something stupid to someone. How do I stop being like that?


*pulls up chair to commiserate*
🌻