Anonymous
Post 01/16/2026 19:15     Subject: Re:Guardianship in will
Anonymous wrote:Op - my one hesitation is that sister (who is guardian) lives very far away so kids would have to move. Presumably if oldest child got guardianship they could stay in our house.


If your sibling the guardian felt that the kids staying put and in the care of the 18 yo would be best, she could make that happen. Guardianship is not like inheriting money - you can turn it down, the court can look at you and choose to do something different, you can be the paper guardian whose kids live elsewhere with your permission. Why don't you write down your thoughts and discuss them with your sister, so she knows your wishes?

FWIW, expecting the 18 yo to stay in the house and raise the youngers is at least as disruptive as making the youngers move, and probably has worse outcomes for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2026 18:58     Subject: Guardianship in will


You don't magically become capable of being a parent and somehow getting a job or going to college at the same time at 18.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2026 15:43     Subject: Guardianship in will
No, but it's because my oldest can barely take care of himself. If my youngest were my oldest, I might consider it.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2026 15:35     Subject: Guardianship in will
We did that when our oldest turned 21. 18 seems too young for that level of responsibility.
Anonymous
Post 01/16/2026 05:50     Subject: Guardianship in will
We did this OP. Some of us have no choice due to various reasons. The truth is that if we both die then the kids will all be deeply affected regardless. It’s best that they stay together and support each other. Plus I guess you need to look at how responsible and smart your eldest kid is, and how difficult the youngest is/are.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 23:54     Subject: Guardianship in will
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m sure there is some outlier 18 year old who would make sense, but 99.99999999% of the time that would be terrible for the 18 year old and the younger children.

Keeping kids in their high school should be a high priority imo, so if you don’t have family nearby, consider friends. And from our first estate plan we have always been advised to separate money from custody. Guardian gets the kids, trustee controls the money. It keeps greedy interlopers trying to interfere with your designated guardians in order to get the money.

Switching to an 18 year old guardian is dumb, but this post is a good reminder that people should review their estate plans every year and when the time comes, make changes.


The reality is the kids often have to switch schools to be close to the guardians. And the more kids you have, the harder it is for one person or couple to take all the kids. When my single SIL passed away, her two kids switched schools to be with their grandparents and then, when the elderly grandparents couldn't care for them, they switched schools again to live with an aunt.

I understand, that’s why I said I thought it should be a high priority for high school, not an end all be all. I think what I was really getting at is not to be wedded to the idea that you have to choose family. Friends can make sense, and I think in most cases would be a better choice than an 18 year old.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 03:34     Subject: Guardianship in will
Anonymous wrote:I’m sure there is some outlier 18 year old who would make sense, but 99.99999999% of the time that would be terrible for the 18 year old and the younger children.

Keeping kids in their high school should be a high priority imo, so if you don’t have family nearby, consider friends. And from our first estate plan we have always been advised to separate money from custody. Guardian gets the kids, trustee controls the money. It keeps greedy interlopers trying to interfere with your designated guardians in order to get the money.

Switching to an 18 year old guardian is dumb, but this post is a good reminder that people should review their estate plans every year and when the time comes, make changes.


The reality is the kids often have to switch schools to be close to the guardians. And the more kids you have, the harder it is for one person or couple to take all the kids. When my single SIL passed away, her two kids switched schools to be with their grandparents and then, when the elderly grandparents couldn't care for them, they switched schools again to live with an aunt.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 03:29     Subject: Guardianship in will
Most of the time, the grandparents get stuck raising the minor children.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2026 03:26     Subject: Guardianship in will
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:And this is yet another reason why being the oldest child is a disadvantage. Not only are you expected to be a role model for your younger siblings and your parents are first-timers with you, but they expect you to look after your younger sibs.


Well the role has to fall on someone. It is inevitable when you have multiple kids.


That someone is usually their parent(s)' siblings and close friends, and often grandparents if they are still able. If you have to rely on your oldest child, you are doing something wrong.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 22:40     Subject: Guardianship in will
I’m sure there is some outlier 18 year old who would make sense, but 99.99999999% of the time that would be terrible for the 18 year old and the younger children.

Keeping kids in their high school should be a high priority imo, so if you don’t have family nearby, consider friends. And from our first estate plan we have always been advised to separate money from custody. Guardian gets the kids, trustee controls the money. It keeps greedy interlopers trying to interfere with your designated guardians in order to get the money.

Switching to an 18 year old guardian is dumb, but this post is a good reminder that people should review their estate plans every year and when the time comes, make changes.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 19:47     Subject: Re:Guardianship in will
Anonymous wrote:Op - I think my thought process is that if we changed it to our 18 year old the kids could stay together. Otherwise they would have to most likely split up. Any family who would become guardians of kids live in different states and would not move to VA.

But I do see what other people are saying as well. It’s a hard decision to make.


So you’re basically expecting your oldest child to throw her future away for the sake of the younger kids staying together?
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 19:37     Subject: Guardianship in will
I’m the guardian for my sister who is far away. She has a 19 year old and a 14 year old. Her plan is for the grandmother to move in and get the 14 year old through high school. If her MIL dies, I become the guardian. Her son is a pretty major swimmer. She wants him to go to a boarding school that specializes in swimming and have both kids come to us for their breaks and to have some home base together.

The truth is if both parents die, things change in major ways. To burden your 18 year with staying home to care for younger kids seems way more terrible than high school kids moving to most people.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 19:11     Subject: Guardianship in will
I know people who changed into their two oldest who were 18 and 20. All very smart good kids, wouldn’t take a leave of absence from northwestern or fsu.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 18:50     Subject: Re:Guardianship in will
Op - I think my thought process is that if we changed it to our 18 year old the kids could stay together. Otherwise they would have to most likely split up. Any family who would become guardians of kids live in different states and would not move to VA.

But I do see what other people are saying as well. It’s a hard decision to make.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 18:46     Subject: Guardianship in will
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:And this is yet another reason why being the oldest child is a disadvantage. Not only are you expected to be a role model for your younger siblings and your parents are first-timers with you, but they expect you to look after your younger sibs.


Well the role has to fall on someone. It is inevitable when you have multiple kids.


That's the parents role. And if both parents have died then it should be a responsible adult. It is way too much to ask an 18 year old to do (who may still be in high school). Sure, some could do it, but most could not/should not.