Anonymous
01/14/2026 12:05
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don’t demand perfection but if I think they are “dogging it” intentionally, I’ll call them back to do it right. To me it’s much more about teaching them habits. For example, I really really praise them when they see something that needs to be done and do it without asking. That’s a real life skill, and important for being an adult that someone else wants to live with. Whether every spoon gets put back perfectly isn’t anything I’m going to sweat
Anonymous
01/14/2026 11:31
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:I correct my kids when they load the dishwasher in a way that won’t get things clean- but I don’t correct them just because it’s not the way *I* would do it. (I do move things around to make them fit the way I want, but that’s on me not them).
Same goes for pretty much everything else. I don’t care if they fold their clothes- I do care that they don’t leave their stuff in the washer or dryer for too long. Or if their clean clothes stay all over their floor for more than a day.
It’s fine to tell them the best way to do something, but be self aware enough to let go the details that aren’t actually important.
I agree. Tbh, I like to sort utensils separately in a dishwasher, I have a spoon section and a fork section, so that when I reach for a spoon I don't stab myself with a fork... and my DH still cannot follow the "rule" after 20 years
And obviously, how our teen makes his bed is not as neat as when I do it, but as long as it's done by the time our cat wants to go on it for a nap, it's fine. If it's not done though and the cat gets in, he gets to rewash all his sheets!
Anonymous
01/14/2026 09:07
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
I correct my kids when they load the dishwasher in a way that won’t get things clean- but I don’t correct them just because it’s not the way *I* would do it. (I do move things around to make them fit the way I want, but that’s on me not them).
Same goes for pretty much everything else. I don’t care if they fold their clothes- I do care that they don’t leave their stuff in the washer or dryer for too long. Or if their clean clothes stay all over their floor for more than a day.
It’s fine to tell them the best way to do something, but be self aware enough to let go the details that aren’t actually important.
Same goes for pretty much everything else. I don’t care if they fold their clothes- I do care that they don’t leave their stuff in the washer or dryer for too long. Or if their clean clothes stay all over their floor for more than a day.
It’s fine to tell them the best way to do something, but be self aware enough to let go the details that aren’t actually important.
Anonymous
01/14/2026 09:02
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Expectations change with age. A simple empty/load of the dishwasher when younger was fine. But by 14/15, you can also manage the handwash-only pots and glasses vs leaving them on the counter for someone else, neatly wipe counters and sink, and sweep the floor. Our kitchen is a tiny so it's not that hard. !t 11, 12, and 13 the expectations were different. Kitchen still is not "perfect," but I don't care -- in the grand scheme of things it just isn't worth the stress for any of us. My teen helps w/o being nagged and that's good enough for me.
Anonymous
01/14/2026 08:33
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:Either is fine. Let it be.
+1.
Other families do things differently. No one is right or wrong.
Anonymous
01/14/2026 07:20
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
There is a lot of middle ground between perfect and sloppy.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 23:34
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At 14 I'd expect it to be done correctly and have them go back.
At 4 I'd be happy for the effort and improvement with time.
THANK YOU! I don't know what's up with the infantilization of teenagers. It's not rocket science to empty a dishwasher or fold towels - they should be capable of this.
It's not about the infantilization of teenagers -- some parents, like the OP, require the towels folded "just right" as if the towel cares how exactly it's folded. Or if one towel hangs over from the pile for 0.5 inches, it's an existential threat. It has to do with control and anxiety. I'm certain your DH does chores differently from you and sometimes it's annoying for sure.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 22:12
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:You don’t want them to be sloppy but you don’t want them to be a perfectionist either
Sometimes good enough is good enough.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 21:19
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:At 14 I'd expect it to be done correctly and have them go back.
At 4 I'd be happy for the effort and improvement with time.
THANK YOU! I don't know what's up with the infantilization of teenagers. It's not rocket science to empty a dishwasher or fold towels - they should be capable of this.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 20:26
Subject: Re:Chores—thoughts?
Chores are not their job
Their job is be in school and do well
Household tasks are a responsibility of every capable person living in a house. It is part of living in a house, not training wheels for a job
Their job is be in school and do well
Household tasks are a responsibility of every capable person living in a house. It is part of living in a house, not training wheels for a job
Anonymous
01/13/2026 18:34
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
At 14 I'd expect it to be done correctly and have them go back.
At 4 I'd be happy for the effort and improvement with time.
At 4 I'd be happy for the effort and improvement with time.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 17:54
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
It's better to let them just do it how they can. They improve over time. Your need to do them to your liking is a control issue. My dad did this to my brother -- he had to stack firewood over and over as my dad was not happy it was not completely straight (and I still remember it 40 years later being about 4-5 myself at the time!) -- and ruined his dad-son relationship. By the time I was old enough to do chores dad had softened up, or maybe it was because I was a girl.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 07:13
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
I have a 13yo. I don’t expect it done to my standards I just want her to do it.
One of her jobs is emptying the dishwasher, she tends to not put things away as neatly as I would. I’m not going to come down on her for that. It’s hard enough parenting this sge without worrying about the small stuff.
One of her jobs is emptying the dishwasher, she tends to not put things away as neatly as I would. I’m not going to come down on her for that. It’s hard enough parenting this sge without worrying about the small stuff.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 06:45
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:DH is like this and I am like you. It’s not so much about sloppy, it’s about his way. I don’t actually care about the order the glasses get put away from the dishwasher. He thinks they have to get lined up ever so perfectly. He is just as frustrated with me and would like me to redo them.
Same for towels in the linen closet. Yes, I want them folded too. I find his perfectionist habits exhausting. I would also have an issue if the kids put things in and they were falling out but he wants them to redo things if they stent perfectly lined up. I am always saying things are fine as they are, because I don’t perfectly line them up either.
My husband is like that with some things and I am with others so we divide them accordingly. Our 14 year old cleans his bathroom, room, does laundry and takes out trash. How he does things thing really isn’t my concern. I’m just happy he does.
Anonymous
01/13/2026 06:03
Subject: Chores—thoughts?
DH is like this and I am like you. It’s not so much about sloppy, it’s about his way. I don’t actually care about the order the glasses get put away from the dishwasher. He thinks they have to get lined up ever so perfectly. He is just as frustrated with me and would like me to redo them.
Same for towels in the linen closet. Yes, I want them folded too. I find his perfectionist habits exhausting. I would also have an issue if the kids put things in and they were falling out but he wants them to redo things if they stent perfectly lined up. I am always saying things are fine as they are, because I don’t perfectly line them up either.
Same for towels in the linen closet. Yes, I want them folded too. I find his perfectionist habits exhausting. I would also have an issue if the kids put things in and they were falling out but he wants them to redo things if they stent perfectly lined up. I am always saying things are fine as they are, because I don’t perfectly line them up either.