Anonymous wrote:Yep, I have seen this. I think it's a few things:

1) Kids with older siblings. This is probably the biggest.
2) Kids watching a lot of shows aimed at slightly older tweens. I'm thinking of the Nickelodeon stuff that's on Netflix.
3) Kids whose parents ignore it or even think it's cute. DD has a couple of friends like this. The parents are lovely but clueless and trying to be their kids' friend.

Its this.
My 8 year old boy has a friend who always pulls this stuff. Whining at me about wanting to play Fortnite which we don't have, then mocking my son for it. Insisting on sneaking around in my bedroom when I told him it's off limits. Whining for candy. Basically acting like he hates being at our house. I don't want him over anymore.
But the mom is a total doll. Sweetest lady ever. And she's like that with her son too. Never ever would raise her voice or say a harsh word.

Anonymous wrote:4th grade has always been the turning point, especially for girls. I remember back to my own childhood in a fairly affluent area (but a much, much smaller town and metro area than the DC area) there was a big change, looking back, between 3rd and 4th. 4th is when the “cool” groups started forming. Not saying all those kids were like that or that there weren’t obnoxious kids outside of the cool groups, but yeah … that’s when it definitely started.

I agree with this. We have girls who are older now but 3rf thru 7th grade is my absolute least age of girls. The divide between their perceived maturity becomes so pronounced and cliques and hierarchy start to form. Lots of parents don’t seem to call them out which feeds the poor behavior.

Anonymous wrote:It’s because it’s girls. Boys aren’t like this.

Absolutely not true. When my son was that age, we had a party at home and one of the guests kept trying to go upstairs even when we said the upstairs was off limits. He pushed past and said “I don’t care”

FWIW my DS is a very polite and kind kid at home and in public (people tell me this all the time), but not all of them are

I have teens. I think it’s uncommon for kids to be rude to *other* kids’ parents, ever, let alone at 9. Kids save their rudeness for their nearest and dearest. I would be very wary of your child spending a lot of time with those kids.

Anonymous wrote:I am an elem. school teacher and also have a 4th grade girl, and I have noticed the same thing. If I see her friends treating their parents or other kids that way - we have a conversation on the way home about how it is not acceptable. When her tone of voice shifts I shut it down immediately. Sometimes I think they are oblivious and don't realize how they are being perceived. Just mimicking tone from Youtube or other shows. Sometimes they are doing it for attention from their friends.

OP here. I really appreciate this perspective as I'm sure you encounter a lot of kids. I agree with you that I think the kids are often being oblivious. I wonder about what they think is happening in these interactions with adults where they are being demanding and dismissive. Do they think I'm privately thinking "wow, this kid is cooler than me, I better watch out"? I don't think they realize how much it lowers them in my eyes. If they did, I don't think they'd do it.

I am an elem. school teacher and also have a 4th grade girl, and I have noticed the same thing. If I see her friends treating their parents or other kids that way - we have a conversation on the way home about how it is not acceptable. When her tone of voice shifts I shut it down immediately. Sometimes I think they are oblivious and don't realize how they are being perceived. Just mimicking tone from Youtube or other shows. Sometimes they are doing it for attention from their friends.

4th grade has always been the turning point, especially for girls. I remember back to my own childhood in a fairly affluent area (but a much, much smaller town and metro area than the DC area) there was a big change, looking back, between 3rd and 4th. 4th is when the “cool” groups started forming. Not saying all those kids were like that or that there weren’t obnoxious kids outside of the cool groups, but yeah … that’s when it definitely started.

I have seen this in my daughter's circle too (9). We have talked openly about it with DD, how acting like that is rude, unacceptable, and most certainly not "cool," and we shut down this behavior when we hear her doing anything remotely close to it. Worst offenders are the girls with divorced parents.

Yep, I have seen this. I think it's a few things:

1) Kids with older siblings. This is probably the biggest.
2) Kids watching a lot of shows aimed at slightly older tweens. I'm thinking of the Nickelodeon stuff that's on Netflix.
3) Kids whose parents ignore it or even think it's cute. DD has a couple of friends like this. The parents are lovely but clueless and trying to be their kids' friend.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter’s friends are pretty nice. We will see how well they behave at her upcoming 9th birthday.

I also have teens and they would not treat adults that way. They are polite to us, say thank you and have good manners.

+1 I wouldn't necessarily call this teen behavior, especially toward other people's parents.

My daughter’s friends are pretty nice. We will see how well they behave at her upcoming 9th birthday.

I also have teens and they would not treat adults that way. They are polite to us, say thank you and have good manners.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hosted a birthday party for our 9 year old this weekend. Mix of 3rd and 4th grade girls.

Some of these kids are so snotty. Eyerolls, little petulant comments to DH and I (so not just to their own parents but to a friends' parents). Lots of snotty behavior towards each other too, one-upping, getting really condescending and rude at times.

Is this normal? I personally found it kind of shocking to have these kids, most of whom are only 8 or 9, just being openly rude towards us for no reason, while being hosted in our house. It was stuff like DH asking a girl if she wanted pepperoni pizza or cheese and her staring at him open mouthed and then saying "duh, it should be obvious." We just let it go but... what? I'd be so embarrassed if my kid was doing this at someone else's house. I hope she isn't!

What are other people seeing? Is this behavior typical or did we just have a really rude group of girls here yesterday?

They sound like kids who have phones.

I don't think any of them have phones (my kid doesn't). A bunch of them have those smart watches but I don't think that's why they act this way. Tho I don't know why they act this way, honestly.

Anonymous wrote:Could you find a more descriptive word that using snotty over and over? It sounds judgey and other than the one kid making an odd comment about their pizza (maybe this kid is neurodivergent), what else happened?

OP here. I stand by snotty. In addition to the pizza exchange I mentioned earlier, two of the girls found me in the kitchen when the group was having a dance party in our rec room and asked if they could watch TV. I said no, but if they were done with the dance party they were welcome to hang out in the living room until we started the movie in 15 minutes. They just rolled their eyes and went back to the dance party, no other words to me. These two girls also asked repeatedly if we could put on some Netflix show after the movie was over, even though I said no every single time. Again I just can't imagine my kid doing this to another parent -- if I heard about it later, I'd be totally mortified.

And again, just the way some of these girls talk to the other girls. That actually bothered me most of all because it was such a crappy dynamic. Rolling their eyes when the other girls were excited about a song that was playing or really enjoying the movie, like it was lame to be enjoying themselves. Also (and this feels like it's on the parents): bragging about trips they'd taken and Christmas and Hanukah gifts they'd received in a competitive way that I feel must be learned.

Actually the more I think about it, the more I think I'm just done with these particular girls and don't want them around my kid. I'm just really disappointed. It's a bummer to be seeing this behavior at this age, IMO.

It’s because it’s girls. Boys aren’t like this.

Anonymous wrote:Hosted a birthday party for our 9 year old this weekend. Mix of 3rd and 4th grade girls.

Some of these kids are so snotty. Eyerolls, little petulant comments to DH and I (so not just to their own parents but to a friends' parents). Lots of snotty behavior towards each other too, one-upping, getting really condescending and rude at times.

Is this normal? I personally found it kind of shocking to have these kids, most of whom are only 8 or 9, just being openly rude towards us for no reason, while being hosted in our house. It was stuff like DH asking a girl if she wanted pepperoni pizza or cheese and her staring at him open mouthed and then saying "duh, it should be obvious." We just let it go but... what? I'd be so embarrassed if my kid was doing this at someone else's house. I hope she isn't!

What are other people seeing? Is this behavior typical or did we just have a really rude group of girls here yesterday?

They sound like kids who have phones.