Anonymous wrote:One child, female. Age 19. Not married yet. Plan to pay for most or all of $75k wedding. HHI $300k NW $5M.

Is this hypothetical, or is your 19 year old really planning a $75k wedding?

I paid entirely for DD's traditional wedding (250K). 230 guests. Middle of the road wedding for my community. 4 days of events. I would want to pay for a similar wedding for DS.

However, I do not owe my kids to pay for a lavish wedding. I can pay for a temple wedding and a restaurant dinner for a few close friends and that would be it - if that's what I want to do. Here is the thing - how much I want to pay or not pay for my kids wedding is entirely up to me. The money is mine. I don't owe them $200K if we spend only $50K. If my kids felt entitled to my money, it will be really terrible.

I have paid to raise my kids till they got their first post college job, paid entirely for their college, paid for their first new car, paid to set them up in their new apartment once they get a job after college, paid $20K seed money when they started college, made them bank all their earnings (gigs, internships etc) and paid for the first 6 months of rent for them. I think it is more than sufficient leg up that most people (including us) got. As parents, we are financially secure and won't burden them. In their adult life - they need to afford their home, lifestyle, their children's future. What we give or not give them is entire up to our wishes.

I would pay entirely for a traditional wedding of my culture as my last formal cultural obligation to them. But if they want me to pay for a wedding that I did not agree with then they could use their own money to afford their wedding and I would gift them a modest sum ($20K) and attend as a guest.

NW is 7m.

We have one gay son. When he marries, we will be delighted to contribute.

We plan on contributing to both our kids equally.

One of our kids is in a long term relationship with someone we feel is not a good match. I’m not elaborating. In this case, we might contribute their share towards their grad school student loan. (We paid for their full college). It still helps them as a couple, but it helps our kid more.

DD
28
$30,000 Budget was $150,000 they got to keep the difference.
Approx 120 people
HHI 1% in this country. We don't believe in large weddings. Even this was more people than DH and I would have liked.
No we did not split it I wanted DD to have a wedding she wanted without input from too many other voices.
Location Downtown Ashville NC.
Inlaws to be paid for night before welcome party.

Weddings are personal. Very happy to attend, but total waste of money. Marriages hopefully for a life time instagram weddings are just stupid financial decisions. I don't care how high your income is.

Anonymous wrote:When my older sibling was getting married, I was around 30, and told my parents that I didn't think marriage would happen for me, so if they had a wedding budget for me, I wouldn't at all be offended if they threw it towards my sibling. Turns out they didn't have a wedding budget for either of us.

We are contributing about 80 each for our 2 kids weddings. One is a boy - getting married this year and we are paying the majority. I have a few friends in the same boat with boys. If your son marries into a family that takes on the traditional “brides family pays for the wedding” that is very uncommon these days. Our HH income is 420,000 and from what I’m seeing both families contribute plus the bride and groom. Even small/casual weddings are expensive these days.

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you do, make it equal between genders. I felt like it was sexist that my in-laws gave $1500 to us and 25k to his sister.

+1
DH’s family literally asked what my parents were contributing and wrote a check for the exact amount almost instantly. His siblings never married.

I will give my daughters a gift for them to spend as they see fit. It won’t be enough to pay for the wedding, probably the max fed amount is (19k in 2025). I’ve paid for private education and I’m paying for undergrad and medical/law school. Then they are on their own. I also have some stock and a vacation property in trust for each - profit generating ski condos in CO. That will be with a prenup, so definitely not a gift to the couple, but to my girls. Their spouses will obviously benefit from using them.

Anonymous wrote:Kids genders?
Their age when they got married (if they are already married) How large was wedding and where was it held?
How much did you pay or contribute? Or how much are you setting aside?
Your HHI or NW?

Four kids, 3 boys & 1 girl, all grown but only 1 married (daughter). Wedding was ~70 people, held in a rural setting in northernmost Maryland. We paid the bulk of the cost, which was $30,000. The parents of the groom paid for the rehearsal dinner. HHI $285,000 & NW $5.5 million.

Other kids won't likely marry if that matters.

Paid 100% for daughter’s wedding, age 26
Paid for huge rehearsal dinner, tuxedos, and open bar for dinner and reception for son age 28.

Anonymous wrote:I have a DS and DD. We'll offer to pay whatever they'd like us to.

I don’t know a single person who asks their parents to pay. I would have to be desperate to beg my parents for money. Parents should offer money willingly if they want to contribute.

Whatever you do, make it equal between genders. I felt like it was sexist that my in-laws gave $1500 to us and 25k to his sister.

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is only 15, and a boy, but if/when he gets married, I work contribute whatever they need if the bride’s parents aren’t paying or we’d do rehearsal/honeymoon. DH and I were able to fund our $100k wedding 20 years ago, and I’d want something at least as nice for them.

You expect the women’s family to pay?! Why? Because it’s tradition? It’s only tradition because historically women didn’t work or receive an education. Now that’s not the case. Don’t continue your sexist way of thinking when the world has changed.

I have a DS and DD. We'll offer to pay whatever they'd like us to.

When my older sibling was getting married, I was around 30, and told my parents that I didn't think marriage would happen for me, so if they had a wedding budget for me, I wouldn't at all be offended if they threw it towards my sibling. Turns out they didn't have a wedding budget for either of us.