Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:54     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
I call troll.

It is never Ivy or state school as your only choices.

Even if the post is fake we all know from reading this forum that there are many parents who feel this way tho.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:53     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
And Dukeis ranked 7th in the country and a tougher admit than half the Ivies.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:53     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:From when DC was little, we did it all. Lessons, tutoring, coaching, sports, extracurriculars, private school from when they could walk, you name it. We were gunning for those ivied walls.

And then the SAT score came back. A great score, and one to be proud of. But not 1500+. More prep, still no dice.

DC will likely end up at their state flagship or somewhere similarly ranked. The same as a lot of kids who didn't grind as hard. They'll get a good education. If the work ethic we tried to install in them through that grinding holds up, they'll get a great education. Or will DC melt like a hothouse flower once Mom and Dad aren't there to supervise? I don't know.

Do I have regrets? Ideally I wish DC could have spent more time with friends. Then again, people at our private aren't that social outside of school, at least not with us, so I didn't know if that was an option. I don't think DC needed more time playing video games or watching TV. The one thing I realistically could have given them is more time for pleasure reading, and I regret that.

So I didn't know, I feel kind of adrift. Our enterprise was a failure in its primary and unreasonable aim (getting DC into an ivy) and has yet to be tested on its secondary and reasonable aim (instilling a good academic work ethic). Has anyone been in this boat?


Too bad, gunning for an Ivy League is a terrible educational goal. Is your kid a curious learner? are they happy? Do they have friends? Do they have a passion for a subject? Do they have good work ethics? Yes, they should have had more leisure time to discover their interests. These are much more important questions than getting admitted to a particular college.

Also, Americans seem to completely ignore graduate schools. If experiencing an Ivy League is your dream, your kid can always apply for Ivy League grad school if they do well in college and aspire to have more professional or academic experiences.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:52     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:Rice, Tufts, Duke, Northwestern, UCLA, Carnegie Mellon, NYU, LACs …. Soooooo many options aside from state school


FYI UCLA is a state school.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:49     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.


OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?


Gunning for an ivy is not a good strategy for happiness or fulfillment.


The problem is your ivy or state approach. Normally when you couldn’t get in an ivy, there are plenty of great options like T20 schools.


Exactly. This post screams stereotypical FOTB striver who refuses to consider the many great schools that are not Ivies, and would rather throw a pity party about going public. If they have the money for Ivy, they have the money for Emory, Tufts, CMU, Colgate, Richmond, etc. But some people just refuse to consider these schools, then whine about state schools. Cry me a river.

I appreciate that this parent is at least somewhat remorseful and realistic, which is better than many others. But it is so reflective of this awful mentality. Which spins off from the striver thread that has been so unhinged.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:47     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.


OP here, I just want to warn others.


Then you should be posting in the Elementary forum because that’s where you blew it. You set a specific dream for your kid. Instead of setting the dream as your kid being healthy, happy and having as many opportunities as possible, you set a very small needle for your kid to thread through.

We did all the same things you did with the lessons and teams. Made sure she was challenged by picking rigorous classes. Did pubic school so that we could afford those experiences for our kid. When she was a junior and came back from a visit to Cornell on a school trip, she said she wanted to go there. It was only then that that I pulled out all the stops to support her in achieving that goal—SAT prep, paid for essay writing boot camp, etc.

It all worked out in terms of her achieving her goal. And it worked out for me because she’s healthy, happy and has so many opportunities before her.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:45     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
You said he went to a private school. Did you consider ED Chicago? That would be a great choice for him.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:44     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.


OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?


Gunning for an ivy is not a good strategy for happiness or fulfillment.


The problem is your ivy or state approach. Normally when you couldn’t get in an ivy, there are plenty of great options like T20 schools.


OP stated state school or somewhere similarly ranked. If it was UVA, that would be T20-30.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:43     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
A number of elite schools remain TO. If your kid is otherwise a very strong applicant, this post is odd.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:43     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Not to that extent but you can only do so much with a kid who just isn’t Ivy League material. I tried all I could but my kid is your average lazy, intellectually incurious teen.
At least he isn’t mentally disturbed and likes to read (though he mostly reads slop). I’ll take it in today’s world.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:43     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:OP is trolling and changing their posture in their tepliesm

I would normally say the problem with DC is regression to the mean, but OP’s replies indicate otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:42     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.


OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?


Gunning for an ivy is not a good strategy for happiness or fulfillment.


The problem is your ivy or state approach. Normally when you couldn’t get in an ivy, there are plenty of great options like T20 schools.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:41     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
shot for Ivy and got it, BUT the one thing I miss was being a boy scout during k-8. Go to Disney off peak. Visit grandma more. Take days off school. It doesnt matter
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:40     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
OP is trolling and changing their posture in their tepliesm
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2026 11:38     Subject: We gunned our kid for an ivy and it looks like we'll miss
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is what happens when you try to mold your kid into the one you want, rather than parent and love the kid you have. I feel so bad for your kid, who surely knows they have disappointed you.


OP here, I just want to warn others.

Away from what, exactly? If kid has great options, what is being warned against?


Gunning for an ivy is not a good strategy for happiness or fulfillment.