Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has borderline personality disorder. They cut off people and never look back. You don't have to do anything wrong. It usually has to do with their fear of abandonment and black / white thinking.

I assume you have other siblings and parents? What do they say?

The golden child in the family has entered the chat.

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has borderline personality disorder. They cut off people and never look back. You don't have to do anything wrong. It usually has to do with their fear of abandonment and black / white thinking.

I assume you have other siblings and parents? What do they say?

The golden child in the family has entered the chat.

No, just experience in real life with people that have BPD. I had a friend that cut me off after 7 years of friendship for getting married. She warned me that that's what BPD people do. They fear abandonment and pre-emptively leave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went zero contact with one sibling. Best choice ever. Year three.

Leave it be.

Did you ever discuss the behavior that caused you to go zero contact? Did you act like all was fine, then boom, cut them off? If so, that is extremely immature and borders on instability. However, if you let the sibling know the behavior wasn't acceptable and they continued to do it, then fine, cut them off.

Without over sharing and w years of therapy.. My approach works.

You do you.

Anonymous wrote:She probably has borderline personality disorder. They cut off people and never look back. You don't have to do anything wrong. It usually has to do with their fear of abandonment and black / white thinking.

I assume you have other siblings and parents? What do they say?

The golden child in the family has entered the chat.

I've gone no contact with my sister. With my entire family actually, but that's a bigger story, but cut my sister off first. Why? Because she is a covert narcissist who does not mean me well. She had done so many underhanded things that would seem unbelievable unless you've experienced narcissistic abuse. And when confronted she would say some version of can't you see how hard my life is, why are you being mean to me. Takes zero accountability. Needs to assert control the whole family, and uses exclusion and scapegoating to gain control. I'm the family empath who finally said enough, no more. I'm the only one in my family who is brave enough to push back and go no contact. I don't expect anyone else in my family to do the same; they're too weak and need the approval of the group to survive. I chose to save myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are fast becoming a society of self absorbed narcissists. And I blame it on the boomers and older gen X who gave everyone a participation trophy.

You sound self-absorbed.

You must be one of those people who I am referring to who only thinks about what they want, believing they deserve every little thing that pops into their heads without working for it.

You spend a lot of time thinking about this.

Ah, a troll, and not a smart enough troll to have a good comeback.

Anonymous wrote:Younger female sibling went no contact about four years ago. Have never gotten a straight answer as to why. Relationship was fine up to that point with shared holidays and frequent contact. This happen to anyone else? Ever get an answer to why or reconnect? Seems like time is not a friend in these sorts of situations.

Brother, is that you?

Because if it is, I’ve explained a million times and you just don’t understand. The relationship was never fine - you only thought so because I tried so hard to keep a relationship. But the last antic was the straw that broke me. But you should be well aware if you looked honestly at the last 30 years.

She probably has borderline personality disorder. They cut off people and never look back. You don't have to do anything wrong. It usually has to do with their fear of abandonment and black / white thinking.

I assume you have other siblings and parents? What do they say?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are fast becoming a society of self absorbed narcissists. And I blame it on the boomers and older gen X who gave everyone a participation trophy.

You sound self-absorbed.

You must be one of those people who I am referring to who only thinks about what they want, believing they deserve every little thing that pops into their heads without working for it.

You spend a lot of time thinking about this.

Anonymous wrote:My sibling was always talking about herself. She would often resort to therapy language to justify her behavior. I humored it for years because she was younger but after I had kids I just had no more time for the BS.
Other things happened which exacerbated the thoughtlessness. Like visiting but treating my place like a hotel while she spent most of the days with her friends. The big kicker was engineering a partition lawsuit. Her excuse was that it wasn't about ME, it was about the property and that's why I shouldn't take it personally. Like it said, therapy talk BS.

What is your point? I'm not disagreeing with you, I just don't understand what point you're trying to make since you aren't quoting another post.

My sibling was always talking about herself. She would often resort to therapy language to justify her behavior. I humored it for years because she was younger but after I had kids I just had no more time for the BS.
Other things happened which exacerbated the thoughtlessness. Like visiting but treating my place like a hotel while she spent most of the days with her friends. The big kicker was engineering a partition lawsuit. Her excuse was that it wasn't about ME, it was about the property and that's why I shouldn't take it personally. Like it said, therapy talk BS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes siblings do and say things that they don't realize are hurtful/not acceptable/think are fine after years of the same behavior being tolerated. Then there is a moment were the person asserts themselves and cuts off contact.

The reality, a mature person would talk to the sibling, discuss, since in many cases the behavior was never intentional to harm, and frankly the person wasn't aware it was a problem. Might not even be aware that something they do is a problem for someone else.

Again, mature people talk these things out. Unfortunately, the person who is cutting ties WANTS no contact. They don't want to talk. Given that, there is nothing to do about it.

This. My spouse had this experience with their sibling. Got along great as adults, but sibling really struggled in keep a job and never left home, while my spouse was very successful in life professionally and personally. One day sibling said where I am in life is all your fault, and because of bullying as kids. Wouldn’t give any examples or discuss; just said they know what’s true. That was it. They haven’t spoken in years. It’s weird because my spouse nor the family remember real bullying but everyone experiences things differently. It’s sad because they were so close, and sibling wouldn’t even attempt to talk it out.

This stuff happens OP. It’s sad. In my spouses case, the sibling is very mentally ill. In their 40s, hasn’t worked in years, really emeshed with their mother like they are a couple.

Two part answer here:
1) I agree that siblings who struggle find ways to blame many in their past for their lack of success. Easier than taking responsibility.
2) I watched a program on a family that thought they were fun and supportive, wrestling in what they thought was a loving way to show togetherness. When in reality, it terrified othe youngest sibling. He wasn't laughing in joy, he was silently crying.

Which leads me back to the idea that, as you said, not everyone remembers things the same way, or interprets things the same way. Also, I think that many older siblings can't admit, for their own mental health, that what they thought was good fun actually felt like bullying to the younger kid. (And I am an older sibling, not the younger.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are fast becoming a society of self absorbed narcissists. And I blame it on the boomers and older gen X who gave everyone a participation trophy.

You sound self-absorbed.

You must be one of those people who I am referring to who only thinks about what they want, believing they deserve every little thing that pops into their heads without working for it.

Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes siblings do and say things that they don't realize are hurtful/not acceptable/think are fine after years of the same behavior being tolerated. Then there is a moment were the person asserts themselves and cuts off contact.

The reality, a mature person would talk to the sibling, discuss, since in many cases the behavior was never intentional to harm, and frankly the person wasn't aware it was a problem. Might not even be aware that something they do is a problem for someone else.

Again, mature people talk these things out. Unfortunately, the person who is cutting ties WANTS no contact. They don't want to talk. Given that, there is nothing to do about it.

This. My spouse had this experience with their sibling. Got along great as adults, but sibling really struggled in keep a job and never left home, while my spouse was very successful in life professionally and personally. One day sibling said where I am in life is all your fault, and because of bullying as kids. Wouldn’t give any examples or discuss; just said they know what’s true. That was it. They haven’t spoken in years. It’s weird because my spouse nor the family remember real bullying but everyone experiences things differently. It’s sad because they were so close, and sibling wouldn’t even attempt to talk it out.

This stuff happens OP. It’s sad. In my spouses case, the sibling is very mentally ill. In their 40s, hasn’t worked in years, really emeshed with their mother like they are a couple.

Anonymous wrote:We are fast becoming a society of self absorbed narcissists. And I blame it on the boomers and older gen X who gave everyone a participation trophy.

You sound self-absorbed.