Anonymous wrote:I have come across heterosexual men who are 40+ that never married and never had children. A few have never lived with a romantic partner. They spend their time in nightclubs, picking up much younger women, traveling with male friends (rarely with female companions) looking for the new hot party/club/lounges, etc.

What do you honestly make of men like this (being judgemental is included)?

Not marriage nor relationship material.
Shallow
Broken at some level.

If they’re at work or the same gym or in a circle of friends I’m in, I’m kind and civil. Don’t care what the look like or how much money they make.

Anonymous wrote:As long as people don't mislead others, I don't see a problem with it. If you do feel strongly about marriage and kids (either wanting them or not wanting them) you need to be upfront and honest about it.

+1 I think this and the "better than getting married when it's not for you" comment are where I land. Live your dream, just don't lie to anyone.

And honestly, breaking some 25 year old girl's heart because she thought she'd be the one to change your mind about 'forever' is significantly less terrible than running out on a pair of kids because you miss the thrill of the chase.

I'm a DH and if I had to do it over again that's the route I would take, although I would consider adopting a child. I like having kids but I don't think I'm cut out for the lifetime partner thing. The benefits of having a wife don't seem worth it to me.

One of my friends was like that, minus the clubs. Commitment phobia, and he simply wasn’t valuing having a family that much - he had enough fun as is. But eventually it got to him, and when he was in his late 40s, he married a woman 20 years younger, they’ve been together for about 15 years now, no kids, living a quiet life somewhere far out in Maine. The last part is what was most surprising to me - prior to that he spent most of his life in NYC.

I was going to comment on the man my mom married, he was 40+ but definitely not into younger women or clubbing lol. But he needed someone to care for him (mommy vibes) and my mom needed someone to take care of. She recently found out he was stealing money from her and has started divorce proceedings.

So my general view of bachelors is not very glowing. If he was a loser going clubbing every night trying to pick up young women? About the only thing that would make him grosser!

Anonymous wrote:They usually don't have much of a sex drive. They don't get turned on unless the woman is really hot and they will go months without if a really hot woman isn't available. When they do get lucky, eventually the glitter wears off when they see the woman without makeup or sick. It just isn't that important to them to get regular sex.

Correct. Which often comes with being on the spectrum.

One of my DH’s best friends from childhood is like this. He’s over 60 at this point. Very good looking and not gay. But he’s a man-child, always living in basement apartments and spending what little money he has on fantasy baseball camps. He’s the one you enjoy an affair with, not the kind you marry or even live with. The women who would put up with him are not the women that hold his interest.

I knew a guy like this: extremely successful with an advanced degree, lived in an expensive but bare-bones condo in a fancy building. Worked a lot and didn't have time to do much else aside from watching sports and going to concerts with buddies (one of which was my DH). Drank a lot more than any of the married/partnered guys. Was handsome but mopey and a little overweight.

He'd had a relationship in his early 30s that didn't work out due to distance, and he was a workaholic in a mostly male field. He finally got on the apps and settled down in his late 40s and had two kids. Seems extremely happy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a guy with whom I graduated HS. He is in his late 50s and has never been married or had kids. He was/is still very good looking. He seems to have a great life. He has a steady job. He plays in a band with friends for fun. He has taken up several cool hobbies, one of which is photography and posts his pictures online.(really cool perspectives and exposures) He volunteers as a docent at several museums in the city he lives in. He volunteers for other charitable organizations like food banks and Habitat. He has many friends in the city and is close with his family.

If he were a woman, people would say his life is rich and full. Because he is a man, and a really good looking one at that, there must be something wrong with him.

Gay

I'm the OP of this post. He dates women and he lives in a big city with lots of gay men, so if that were the case, I think he would be out at this point. The group of friends he still has from HS wouldn't shun him for being gay, if he were. I wouldn't say 100% that he isn't gay but I would put the odds at well over 90%. He just doesn't give off any gay/closeted vibes.

I think it's the dream for a lot of men. Good for them. I would pity a woman who thinks they can "change" them though. But at a certain point, everyone has to be responsible for their own choices, and it's well within a man's right to choose to remain carefree and single, so as long as he's not lying about intentions, go for it man.

The forever bachelors I know aren’t actually partying jetsetters. They are men who generally prioritize looks over character. Or, they have their own mental health issues that exacerbate as they age. And frankly, most of the ones I’ve know.do marry late in life so I wonder how old the OP is. As an example, one married at age 60 when both his parents were dead. I think he realized no one was going to take care of him if he didn’t partner up.

These men definitely are not people I would want to marry, but they also aren’t actually running around sleeping with tons of women or anything.

I find it refreshing when anyone can be self-aware enough to realize they aren't going to be a good long-term partner, through marriage or otherwise. As long as they're up front about it when dating, who cares? Unfortunately most confirmed bachelors I've met (and some women)...aren't.

As long as people don't mislead others, I don't see a problem with it. If you do feel strongly about marriage and kids (either wanting them or not wanting them) you need to be upfront and honest about it.

I know two guys like this. My bf's coworker (42) who is a horrible human being, on top of being autistic, which makes dating hard for him, and my friend's ex-bf (45) who is a controlling a-hole and very old-fashioned.

I don't care what they do one way or another. I do see the ex-bf getting married eventually but he prefers to date younger (friend and I are in our early 30s) and women our age don't tolerate him insisting she call to check in every night, etc. Plus he wants kids and it's like, you're 45. Better hurry. I know men have longer than women but at a certain point it's like, do you want to be 50 with a newborn?

The coworker should stay single forever; he's a sexual deviant with horrible hygiene and no woman or child should be subjected to living with him.

Any human can choose to remain unattached and they won't get any flack from me.

No slurs about cat ladies, etc.

It's their life