Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 15:38     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
My grandmother broke her hip at 89 and became less active. She had been living in a retirement village for some time, but was not on any real medical care or supports (and had DNR notes posted absolutely everywhere, as she was a social worker with a lot of experience). She was still completely present though, and I brought my newborn to see her every week. It required a hotel across the street. So we would stay for an hour, have a night out without her and then come back in the morning for an hour before driving home.

The final time I was there, at the end of a perfect one hour meeting, as we were about to go, she said that she loved us so much and that we had been such an important part of her life and to always remember how much she loved us. I was like, grandma, what you talking about, we will be back in the morning. And she said that she loved us and good night.

In the morning, she just wasn't there anymore. Her body was alive, but she wasn't really there. We spent a couple days looking at other rooms that would work for her new state, and in the meantime, she got into hospice and they helped her pass a few days later.

My step-father has alzheimers. We have been watching it for years. It is absolute hell. They finally approved him for hospice today.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 15:24     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about a person's last moments, there is inability to breathe, sometimes due to cardiac arrest, or sometimes due to fluid in the airway. When patients are under heavy meds or asleep, they might not react, and go peacefully. Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers.

Death is usually not pretty, OP. Just like birth. Both, unless medication is involved, tend to be painful, even if only for a brief while.

Modern society has stopped being present for deaths, which are often walled off from society and happen in hospitals under long-term medical care. Deaths before modern medicine used to happen most often at home, surrounded by relatives and neighbors, and after very brief illnesses. Death was a social affair, and last moments were familiar to all. There was very rarely this long walk towards death that our elderly undertake nowadays, accompanied by years of medical support and interventions, and an end either missed by relatives or attended only by a very few.

While it's wonderful that we can prolong life these days, and alleviate some types of pain, it's also important to think about what we want before and in our last moments, and how much, or how little intervention we desire from the medical establishment. Too many people are kept barely alive, in what must be agonizing pain (except they can't show it), before their final release, just because doctors have a sworn duty of preserving life, and the patient has not indicated a preference for receiving less supportive measures. For ex: think about a terminally ill patient or a very elderly frail patient who has a cardiac arrest and whose ribcage gets smashed during resuscitation because they have no DNR. Even though there is no long-term hope for them.

Make plans.


"Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers." What does this look like?


The patient fights desperately for air, making all kinds of gurgling noises, with or without physical flailing, depending on their degree of fitness. Some fluids might leak from various orifices. It's very distressing for witnesses, but even more so for the patient themselves, who needs painkillers and sedatives before they get to that stage, to make the end easier for them.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 15:20     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What is the easiest way to get a DNR for my dad who barely speaks English? I have a DPOA for him. Do I need to take him to a notary public?


To add, he is 80 and doesn’t show signs of death approaching but he definitely wants a DNR and I agree due to his age


In MD they have a MOLST form that the doctors fill out. I filled it out for my dad and dropped it off at the doctors (Kaiser) to sign. His Kaiser doctor sent it back to me signed and had put it in his file. I filed it with the hospital and his assisted living facility.
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 13:58     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about a person's last moments, there is inability to breathe, sometimes due to cardiac arrest, or sometimes due to fluid in the airway. When patients are under heavy meds or asleep, they might not react, and go peacefully. Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers.

Death is usually not pretty, OP. Just like birth. Both, unless medication is involved, tend to be painful, even if only for a brief while.

Modern society has stopped being present for deaths, which are often walled off from society and happen in hospitals under long-term medical care. Deaths before modern medicine used to happen most often at home, surrounded by relatives and neighbors, and after very brief illnesses. Death was a social affair, and last moments were familiar to all. There was very rarely this long walk towards death that our elderly undertake nowadays, accompanied by years of medical support and interventions, and an end either missed by relatives or attended only by a very few.

While it's wonderful that we can prolong life these days, and alleviate some types of pain, it's also important to think about what we want before and in our last moments, and how much, or how little intervention we desire from the medical establishment. Too many people are kept barely alive, in what must be agonizing pain (except they can't show it), before their final release, just because doctors have a sworn duty of preserving life, and the patient has not indicated a preference for receiving less supportive measures. For ex: think about a terminally ill patient or a very elderly frail patient who has a cardiac arrest and whose ribcage gets smashed during resuscitation because they have no DNR. Even though there is no long-term hope for them.

Make plans.


"Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers." What does this look like?
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 13:36     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:What is the easiest way to get a DNR for my dad who barely speaks English? I have a DPOA for him. Do I need to take him to a notary public?


To add, he is 80 and doesn’t show signs of death approaching but he definitely wants a DNR and I agree due to his age
Anonymous
Post 01/14/2026 13:35     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
What is the easiest way to get a DNR for my dad who barely speaks English? I have a DPOA for him. Do I need to take him to a notary public?
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2026 17:02     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
There are some Instagram and Facebook accounts like Death Coach and Hospice Nurse that do Q&A short videos about end of life. I find them interesting. Hospice is better than I feared.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2026 14:27     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
stopped eating, chemical pneumonia due to inability to swallow
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2026 05:02     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about a person's last moments, there is inability to breathe, sometimes due to cardiac arrest, or sometimes due to fluid in the airway. When patients are under heavy meds or asleep, they might not react, and go peacefully. Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers.

Death is usually not pretty, OP. Just like birth. Both, unless medication is involved, tend to be painful, even if only for a brief while.

Modern society has stopped being present for deaths, which are often walled off from society and happen in hospitals under long-term medical care. Deaths before modern medicine used to happen most often at home, surrounded by relatives and neighbors, and after very brief illnesses. Death was a social affair, and last moments were familiar to all. There was very rarely this long walk towards death that our elderly undertake nowadays, accompanied by years of medical support and interventions, and an end either missed by relatives or attended only by a very few.

While it's wonderful that we can prolong life these days, and alleviate some types of pain, it's also important to think about what we want before and in our last moments, and how much, or how little intervention we desire from the medical establishment. Too many people are kept barely alive, in what must be agonizing pain (except they can't show it), before their final release, just because doctors have a sworn duty of preserving life, and the patient has not indicated a preference for receiving less supportive measures. For ex: think about a terminally ill patient or a very elderly frail patient who has a cardiac arrest and whose ribcage gets smashed during resuscitation because they have no DNR. Even though there is no long-term hope for them.

Make plans.



100% this. I spent the first decade of my nursing career in long term care. I have been with about 30 or so as they died (literally died)

Personally I nursed my great aunt at home as she died of Covid and my father is dying of dementia very slowly now.

It varies. You want a DNR maybe even before you think it’s “time”. Resuscitation is VIOLENT.

It’s good to have hospice or a palliative care doc on board at the end for meds. They DO NOT speed up death but they decrease pain, anxiety, and shortness of breath or “air hunger”


This, 100% this
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 23:39     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
My dad had late stage Alzheimer’s, so at 74 the respiratory infection was a blessing. He was unconscious and passed peacefully.

Mom was 92, still very sharp, but cancer that had spread caused her death. Also very peaceful.

I guess it’s fortunate that they weren’t in terrible pain at the end or dying in a violent accident. I was privileged to be with them at the end.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 22:32     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about a person's last moments, there is inability to breathe, sometimes due to cardiac arrest, or sometimes due to fluid in the airway. When patients are under heavy meds or asleep, they might not react, and go peacefully. Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers.

Death is usually not pretty, OP. Just like birth. Both, unless medication is involved, tend to be painful, even if only for a brief while.

Modern society has stopped being present for deaths, which are often walled off from society and happen in hospitals under long-term medical care. Deaths before modern medicine used to happen most often at home, surrounded by relatives and neighbors, and after very brief illnesses. Death was a social affair, and last moments were familiar to all. There was very rarely this long walk towards death that our elderly undertake nowadays, accompanied by years of medical support and interventions, and an end either missed by relatives or attended only by a very few.

While it's wonderful that we can prolong life these days, and alleviate some types of pain, it's also important to think about what we want before and in our last moments, and how much, or how little intervention we desire from the medical establishment. Too many people are kept barely alive, in what must be agonizing pain (except they can't show it), before their final release, just because doctors have a sworn duty of preserving life, and the patient has not indicated a preference for receiving less supportive measures. For ex: think about a terminally ill patient or a very elderly frail patient who has a cardiac arrest and whose ribcage gets smashed during resuscitation because they have no DNR. Even though there is no long-term hope for them.

Make plans.



100% this. I spent the first decade of my nursing career in long term care. I have been with about 30 or so as they died (literally died)

Personally I nursed my great aunt at home as she died of Covid and my father is dying of dementia very slowly now.

It varies. You want a DNR maybe even before you think it’s “time”. Resuscitation is VIOLENT.

It’s good to have hospice or a palliative care doc on board at the end for meds. They DO NOT speed up death but they decrease pain, anxiety, and shortness of breath or “air hunger”
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 22:24     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Grandpa 1: Pneumonia, death in the hospital
Grandma 1: I don't remember - but it was an infection I believe
Grandpa 2: Heart valve replacement failure, catheter inserted incorrectly, sepsis
Grandma 2: Illness scare, got better in rehab & full time care, fell out of bed & fractured hip, died in 24 hours

My husband's family: Cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer....
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 21:22     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Several of my relatives have entered a death coma and then slipped away when left unattended for very short periods of time. Like when the family stepped into the hallway to talk with the nurse for 5 minutes. Or during a shift change. We felt bad about this but maybe there's something important about having privacy or solitude to fully let go of this world. The hospice staff assured me that it's common.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 18:36     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
Anonymous wrote:"Elderly" begins at 65.

I think you are referring to an age much older than that.



Yes of course older than 65. Do you mean a discount for a movie ticket? That's a senior, not elderly. Come on.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2026 17:32     Subject: What Was "The End" Like?
If you're asking about a person's last moments, there is inability to breathe, sometimes due to cardiac arrest, or sometimes due to fluid in the airway. When patients are under heavy meds or asleep, they might not react, and go peacefully. Other times, the body fights as it starts to shut down, and it's traumatic for the patient and the onlookers.

Death is usually not pretty, OP. Just like birth. Both, unless medication is involved, tend to be painful, even if only for a brief while.

Modern society has stopped being present for deaths, which are often walled off from society and happen in hospitals under long-term medical care. Deaths before modern medicine used to happen most often at home, surrounded by relatives and neighbors, and after very brief illnesses. Death was a social affair, and last moments were familiar to all. There was very rarely this long walk towards death that our elderly undertake nowadays, accompanied by years of medical support and interventions, and an end either missed by relatives or attended only by a very few.

While it's wonderful that we can prolong life these days, and alleviate some types of pain, it's also important to think about what we want before and in our last moments, and how much, or how little intervention we desire from the medical establishment. Too many people are kept barely alive, in what must be agonizing pain (except they can't show it), before their final release, just because doctors have a sworn duty of preserving life, and the patient has not indicated a preference for receiving less supportive measures. For ex: think about a terminally ill patient or a very elderly frail patient who has a cardiac arrest and whose ribcage gets smashed during resuscitation because they have no DNR. Even though there is no long-term hope for them.

Make plans.