Anonymous wrote:To play devil’s advocate, maybe the relatives believed you were treating since you suggested the house. DH went to his nephew’s wedding alone. None of his siblings brought spouses or kids either (they weren’t invited) so it ended up being just him, his mom and siblings. His oldest sister stated she was renting a house so they could all stay together. I asked him if he was paying a portion since a hotel would be cheaper but he told me his sister was paying since she offered to rent it. But as far as I know, she never stated she was paying for it. DH assumed. I’m not sure what her intention was but DH insisted he didn’t need to contribute.

I always ask what I can contribute. I even did so when my parents planned beach vacations years ago and when my sister invited us to use her rental home (she was losing income otherwise). Unless you had clearly expressed you were treating, I would pay my portion even if only asked after the fact. But in your shoes, I would assume that not everybody might respond favorably. I’d still ask though.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Way to screw your generous cousin.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

You should let the cousin know how much you appreciate them helping or something like that in a card or text. Send them some love. I think splitting up costs based on room type AFTER THE FACT could cause hurt feelings if people didnt find it fair (even among those happy to pay their share)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m sorry, but I do think there may be genuine confusion. That said, there’s also a genuine lack of consideration on most of their parts!

If my cousin reached out and said, “I’m booking a beach house, want to see if you can make it the week of X,” my assumption would be that he is booking the house no matter if I’m also coming or not. So in other words, $6K is what he is spending already.

That said, OF COURSE I would be like, “how much can I contribute,” but I might feel like it was a contribution, rather than a cost-share, we’ll parse out payments per room, etc., because of the way it was phrased.

Next time, there is no excuse not to simply and clearly state everything up front. “If people are free these dates and can commit to cost-sharing on this $6K rental, I would be happy to put down the deposit, and we can figure out the per-family payment breakdown and room assignments later.”

Your family is being kind of clueless, but you were absolutely the primary contributing factor to the confusion.

You are a freeloader. Are you the type of person where family treats you to dinner and you offer to pay the tip?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Shocked at the responses - calling my family trash, etc. I was just looking for a way to equitably divide costs - and never thought for a second anyone of my beloved cousins would refuse to pay if I sent them a message letting them know how much they owe.
The cousin who reached out paid for half the house. I decided not even to ask the others. They are all generous and would always help my family in any time of need so I feel like being generous back. I just wasn't sure if it was ok with my husband - but he was fine with it. End of thinking about it. In the future, though, I would ask upfront how everyone should split the costs.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m sorry, but I do think there may be genuine confusion. That said, there’s also a genuine lack of consideration on most of their parts!

If my cousin reached out and said, “I’m booking a beach house, want to see if you can make it the week of X,” my assumption would be that he is booking the house no matter if I’m also coming or not. So in other words, $6K is what he is spending already.

That said, OF COURSE I would be like, “how much can I contribute,” but I might feel like it was a contribution, rather than a cost-share, we’ll parse out payments per room, etc., because of the way it was phrased.

Next time, there is no excuse not to simply and clearly state everything up front. “If people are free these dates and can commit to cost-sharing on this $6K rental, I would be happy to put down the deposit, and we can figure out the per-family payment breakdown and room assignments later.”

Your family is being kind of clueless, but you were absolutely the primary contributing factor to the confusion.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m sorry, but I do think there may be genuine confusion. That said, there’s also a genuine lack of consideration on most of their parts!

If my cousin reached out and said, “I’m booking a beach house, want to see if you can make it the week of X,” my assumption would be that he is booking the house no matter if I’m also coming or not. So in other words, $6K is what he is spending already.

That said, OF COURSE I would be like, “how much can I contribute,” but I might feel like it was a contribution, rather than a cost-share, we’ll parse out payments per room, etc., because of the way it was phrased.

Next time, there is no excuse not to simply and clearly state everything up front. “If people are free these dates and can commit to cost-sharing on this $6K rental, I would be happy to put down the deposit, and we can figure out the per-family payment breakdown and room assignments later.”

Your family is being kind of clueless, but you were absolutely the primary contributing factor to the confusion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also shocked you didn't work this out and get money from them before the reunion. You know you'll be paying the bulk of this, right? You were dumb to have laid out the money without getting people to pay you first.

Her family is trash though. So there’s that.