You don't need to dump him, dump her. She is not welcome at your place. Stop leaving your things at BF's place. She is not your friend, she isna theif and she doesn't belong. You can tell her and BF why, be honest.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others with slight tweak:

She's lost the privilege to come to your house starting now. The boyfriend? While I don't like that he didn't stand by you, I can see a 27 year old guy having a soft spot for a much younger sister. He's on probation but don't think he warrants break up yet. Keep an eye on other ways he talks to you, protects you, stands in your corner and take this day to day. What do you want out of life and how does he really fit with those things?

OP here — In other respects he’s a very good partner — supportive, thoughtful, emotionally available and generally very protective of me and he has consistently defended me. That’s part of why this situation has given me pause.

I have a very close group of 6 cousins and we are 39, 37, 36, 36, 34, and 22.

Same thing with the 22yo. We will be at a family party and another cousin will be like what the heck are you wearing my jeans? Or most family functions are byob and no one really drinks much so one of us and our significant others will bring like a 6 pack of light beer or bottle of wine for the 2 of us. Without fail, 22yo will just grab a couple of the beers or a glass or 2 of wine without asking or saying anything when its very clear everyone has btob. She was at my house once and said she was cold and asked to borrow my expensive sweater and I said no and gave her a different one...and never saw it again.

Anonymous wrote:OP here — to clarify: I’ve addressed this with her multiple times, usually after items went missing, but she continued to do it. Each time she became defensive, denied it, and promised it wouldn’t happen again. When I confronted her about taking the drinks, she became very upset and cried, and I told her I would tell her parents that she stole drinks if she took drinks again. She has not taken drinks again since, but she continues to take other items. Most of what she takes are things I’ve left at my boyfriend’s place; I don’t let her be alone in my home anymore, so lately hasn’t taken anything from mine super recently. We’ve only been dating 7-8ish months.

If you really like the guy then you need to level with him about how much of an issue it is and don't leave stuff at his house and don't allow her in your house unsupervised or maybe at all.

It sounds like she has issues. Maybe she will outgrown them and your relationship survives, but probably not.

Agree with others with slight tweak:

She's lost the privilege to come to your house starting now. The boyfriend? While I don't like that he didn't stand by you, I can see a 27 year old guy having a soft spot for a much younger sister. He's on probation but don't think he warrants break up yet. Keep an eye on other ways he talks to you, protects you, stands in your corner and take this day to day. What do you want out of life and how does he really fit with those things?

Anonymous wrote:End the relationship.

You've been direct with her and she hasn't changed. Your bf has not backed you up and that will not change.

This.

Of^

Girllllll end the relationship.. With both them.

She should be banned from your house

If she takes your jacket.. you take his until she brings yours back. If she takes your drinks... you don't return until she brings them back. If she takes your perfume, you takes his.

It's not bothering him because its not impacting him.

Make it his problem!

Anonymous wrote:yikes. if she took a spray of perfume or used your conditioner to wash her hair, fine. but taking stuff with her is weird and cheap and a potential sign of mental illness.

she sounds like my sister

she has stolen a camera, artwork, hair things, etc.

she has issues. you dont want to deal with this for your lifetime.

I'm more concerned about your boyfriend's reaction. he should be pissed and telling her to cut it out.

I'd seriously consider breaking up because of this.

OP — He does say she’s like this with everyone (can come across as entitled to others’ belongings and time), that it’s only been happening since November (around when she started coming over), and that she’s still pretty much a kid who will grow out of it. He’s also fairly non-confrontational and worries she might react strongly, so his instinct has been to keep the peace rather than confront her. I’m considering whether to let it go and give her some grace, give her another chance (the possibility of involving her parents did stop the drinking, though I haven’t used that approach for the other items), or to end it.

Agree with PPs. Get all of your stuff back and break off the relationship. His reaction is a big red flag. You are supposed to put up with her stealing your stuff to keep things smooth? What will he do when really big stuff happens?

Run. (but get all your stuff back first). And tell her stupid parents.

It sounds like she has an impulse control issue and/or is a clepto. I highly doubt shes just taking your things and is also probably stealing from others.

I would distance myself from her and the relationship.

yikes. if she took a spray of perfume or used your conditioner to wash her hair, fine. but taking stuff with her is weird and cheap and a potential sign of mental illness.

she sounds like my sister

she has stolen a camera, artwork, hair things, etc.

she has issues. you dont want to deal with this for your lifetime.

I'm more concerned about your boyfriend's reaction. he should be pissed and telling her to cut it out.

I'd seriously consider breaking up because of this.

End the relationship.

You've been direct with her and she hasn't changed. Your bf has not backed you up and that will not change.