Hi OP,

I get it!! I really do. Ignore all the dumb posters who lack the imagination to understand you can be betrayed very badly by a non-spouse without someone, God forbid, sexually abusing your children.

I've lived through the equivalent of having a family member write a mean-spirited tell-all about me -- I'm not Jennifer Anniston, but think to the tune of when Jennifer Anniston's mom wrote a negative book about her. A primal betrayal and emotionally abusive.

I also have a more distant family member who swindled an immediate family member of mine out of millions of dollars. Betrayal and financially abusive. Criminal, actually.

So I understand that someone very close to you can betray you in a way that rocks your world and leaves you questioning everything.

What worked for me:

-- Therapy, including EMDR

-- Cutting them off without looking back (this is very hard)

-- Slowly rebuilding my life in a new way. The best revenge is (1) living well and (2) no longer caring. I exceeded what I though I was capable of with #1 and never ever thought I would achieve #2, but I got there and it is very satisfying.

If it’s emotional damage that’s been done to your kids I would focus on helping them heal, of course. If it’s a financial abuse type situation (like your once beloved cousin talked your demented parent into leaving everything to them and now you don’t have college money you had been led to expect) I would lean into radical acceptance. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was not molestation, but it WAS abuse. And no, I'm not a troll, and won't go into the details. I just want to confront the person that did this, that used to be my best friend, but it would make the situation worse for several reasons. I don't want opinions on the original situation of course, since there are not details, I'm just so angry.

Why would it make the situtation worse?

The only way to stop your anger is to say something.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was not molestation, but it WAS abuse. And no, I'm not a troll, and won't go into the details. I just want to confront the person that did this, that used to be my best friend, but it would make the situation worse for several reasons. I don't want opinions on the original situation of course, since there are not details, I'm just so angry.

so your best friend abused your children? Or you? And I am guessing this was verbal abuse, not physical, since if it was physical you wouldn't be so cagey about it.

Anonymous wrote:So my guess is a family member molested all the kids and nobody in the family believes it and/or blame OP and their kids to cover up.
What say, OP?

This was my thought too.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was not molestation, but it WAS abuse. And no, I'm not a troll, and won't go into the details. I just want to confront the person that did this, that used to be my best friend, but it would make the situation worse for several reasons. I don't want opinions on the original situation of course, since there are not details, I'm just so angry.

God you sound dramatic. Continue on with therapy

Take the time you need to feel the hurt and pain. Just don't allow it to live there forever. Forgiveness is for you, not for them.

OP here. It was not molestation, but it WAS abuse. And no, I'm not a troll, and won't go into the details. I just want to confront the person that did this, that used to be my best friend, but it would make the situation worse for several reasons. I don't want opinions on the original situation of course, since there are not details, I'm just so angry.

Anonymous wrote:First of all, yes I am in therapy. I am having a lot of trouble dealing with the severe betrayal trauma inflicted on myself and my children by someone we all trusted. The fallout of this betrayal is lifelong, severe, and filled with loss of relationships within my family. I am angry beyond anything I've ever felt before, but also feel guilt for not protecting my family better. The damage is done, and there is no going back, and I have to learn to live with it, but it is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with as it has taken such a huge toll on my children's lives. I wish I could go back in time and not meet this person.....

Humans are complicated. You can only control yourself and your actions. You cannot read into someones mind. You can only hope for the best. Life sucks.

Anonymous wrote:So my guess is a family member molested all the kids and nobody in the family believes it and/or blame OP and their kids to cover up.
What say, OP?

The molester said OP and her family made up the story and is still getting invited to her extended family parties .