OP here. Some things about me:

Pros: solid career with good earnings, physically 7.5-8, good sense of humor, good at planning things, smart, own home, go to therapy when I need to

Cons: don’t want kids (this narrows my pool), I’m sometimes overly sensitive, I am not submissive, my family members are a mixed bag

The inflexibility and stubbornness is an absolute no for me.

Lacking flexibility, open-mindedness, and coach ability are the most difficult traits to have to deal with in a partner, on a team, and in a marriage. This is a no no no.

Add into that the dysfunctional family means that he will likely not be open to working on his $hit when it inevitably comes up in marriage.

The low earner and adhd is just more crap to deal with.

A year and a half is not long. He will likely continue to be sweet for another 1.5-5.5 years until it all begins to fade.

I say no but again you are the only one who really knows. We also don’t know anything about your side etc…

Again, what are your flaws? What would he say is the drawback to marrying you? Lack of self awareness perhaps?

Op again. Thanks for the spelling correction.

OP here. I’m 31. Don’t want kids so no particular timeline, but do enjoy the companionship of a partner.

His messiness is very bad. I’m middle of the road on being tidy. I think I can live with this trait and just hire help if it comes to that.

Communication doesn’t help all the way with the adhd symptoms. He got on meds at my request which has improved things some, but it’s still a struggle with symptoms. He’s very inflexible.

That ADHD is a Red Flag 🚩
Proceed w tons of caution

The biggest red flag I see is the inflexibility. Though difficult to say if he's actually inflexible or it's him not agreeing to do what you want all the time

Cons: diagnosed adhd: Yikes
messy: Yikes
stubborn/inflexible: Yikes
dysfunctional family (but not local): Yikes

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone Gen Z and younger think the word wary is the same as the word weary? It used to be an occasional mixup but I can't remember the last time I saw someone even use the word wary, it's always weary and always incorrect. It's bizarre.

+1

It's right up there with loose/lose and the constant mix-up about advice/advise.

What are your flaws, OP?

Only you can decide that op. This isn’t a decision to be crowd sourced

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I love him. We’ve been dating a year and a half. I don’t think love is enough to make marriages work though. It’s a good start. I’m concerned him being inflexible and other ADHD symptoms will wear me down over time. He gets treatment but the symptoms are still there.

Yea, the "messy, stubborn/inflexible" would worry me, especially after having kids.

The mess will be tripled after having kids, and you will be the one to clean up after both.

A relationship requires compromise, and if he's inflexible, that would be a warning sign. People are more accommodating with each other in the early stages of a relationship, but after a while, what was once a cute quirk becomes a huge PIA.

-married 22 years.

No. I suppose it's ableist but his ADHD characteristics will become more pronounced after marriage and ss he ages. Read the relationship threads about ADHD spouses. Don't marry.

What are your life goals? Do they align with his? If he’s low earning and you’re cool with it that’s fine, especially if you don’t want kids. But do you want to buy a home? Does he? Does anyone want to travel? Talk about what life “looks like”, even if you’re not sure, and gauge that stuff. He doesn’t have to be wealthy or strive for dollars. But if he’s content to rent, not travel, and be on a budget for life, and you’re not, this will be an issue.

He's wooing you right now so the sweetness comes naturally

Over the decades, you will be left with mostly the cons

Also, kids make this situation worse