Anonymous
12/28/2025 15:27
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do your children have Chinese passports or would your husband/his parents be able to apply for them? If so the settlement needs to specifically say he cannot do so.
China does not allow dual citizenship.
The kid can't have a Chinese passport unless born there.
Thats not clear, depending on whether OP’s husband is a citizen of the United States which she does not say.
OP discuss with your lawyer. Make it explicit that your husband and his parents may pose an international kidnapping risk.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 15:11
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
The grandparents legal expectations should align with the the legal structure of country in which they reside.
Sorry, but this is not China.
Sorry, but this is not China.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 14:11
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:This is also how it works in my husband’s non-Chinese Asian culture. The wife moves into the husband’s home and the children are the property of his family. My in-laws hit the ceiling the first time I took the kids for an extended visit to my family out of state. Luckily my husband agrees this is crazy.
OP and this anecdote explains a lot, actually. We don’t live with or anywhere near my ILs, but they’ve always had strong unarticulated feelings about what I’m doing solo with the kids. They wouldn’t leave me alone with them after their births when they came to visit and would try to take them from me, and when I take them on trips for sports tournaments or to see friends who have moved away, my MIL gets very judgey. I thought she was judging my baby care, socializing, and the sports they do, but now I wonder if it was closer to what you’re describing.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 14:03
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
This is also how it works in my husband’s non-Chinese Asian culture. The wife moves into the husband’s home and the children are the property of his family. My in-laws hit the ceiling the first time I took the kids for an extended visit to my family out of state. Luckily my husband agrees this is crazy.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 13:58
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In China, children are treated as chattal. As they are considered a source of retirement income, children have traditionally been fought over as an asset belonging to only one divorcing parent. That's why boys are so valued - they stay with the natal family and bring in a bride whereas a daughter is simply going to marry out one day so is a waste of an investment.
Anyway, you are in the States and here the priority is what is in the best interest of the children. The Chinese grandparents probably don't understand that. Most Chinese immigrants still think the world operates like China does.
Don't let them take the kid to China. There are stories where the child is kept there and it's almost impossible to repatriate them.
Otherwise, you will be fine. However, the half Chinese child - well, if he's a boy he will enter his teens with questions about his masculinity and value in the sexual marketplace. Asian men are amongst the lowest tier in dating apps. But maybe not. I know a half Japanese boy who was chased by lots of girls in high school and as a college freshman his high school girlfriend who attends another college races to visit him every single weekend. So what I am saying is that if you have a Wasian son, a relationship with the Asian parent might be good, might be not so good because of this. Adolescence can be a tough period when it comes to this topic.
This is the weirdest take??
OP and I actually understood where this PP was coming from even if it was kind of rambling. My STBX brought a lot of the negative baggage alluded to in this post to our relationship.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 10:13
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:In China, children are treated as chattal. As they are considered a source of retirement income, children have traditionally been fought over as an asset belonging to only one divorcing parent. That's why boys are so valued - they stay with the natal family and bring in a bride whereas a daughter is simply going to marry out one day so is a waste of an investment.
Anyway, you are in the States and here the priority is what is in the best interest of the children. The Chinese grandparents probably don't understand that. Most Chinese immigrants still think the world operates like China does.
Don't let them take the kid to China. There are stories where the child is kept there and it's almost impossible to repatriate them.
Otherwise, you will be fine. However, the half Chinese child - well, if he's a boy he will enter his teens with questions about his masculinity and value in the sexual marketplace. Asian men are amongst the lowest tier in dating apps. But maybe not. I know a half Japanese boy who was chased by lots of girls in high school and as a college freshman his high school girlfriend who attends another college races to visit him every single weekend. So what I am saying is that if you have a Wasian son, a relationship with the Asian parent might be good, might be not so good because of this. Adolescence can be a tough period when it comes to this topic.
This is the weirdest take??
Anonymous
12/28/2025 09:17
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
OP, do you already have a lawyer? If so, contact them or an associate tomorrow morning about the travel concern.
If not, you need a lawyer and to contact the Dept of State tomorrow.
You will get the custody that the law entitles you to. Don't worry about his parents or the motions that he will file. Don't worry about things you can't control. Have a good lawyer.
If not, you need a lawyer and to contact the Dept of State tomorrow.
You will get the custody that the law entitles you to. Don't worry about his parents or the motions that he will file. Don't worry about things you can't control. Have a good lawyer.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 09:15
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Dear OP, dont worry. If you were both regular parents, 50/50 is the likely scenario.
His family might try to turn the child against you. You have to be a supportive parent through that.
Chinese daughter here and it is a thing for Chinese mothers to manipulate the children emotionally against the other parent. My mother used us as weapons in her unhappy marriage. The end result being adult children who realized her toxicity and set up strong boundaries. The Chinese have a tendency to live through their progeny and there is very unhealthy enmeshment. You will have to provide a healthy model for parenting. And they need to respect and help develop the autonomy of the child. The latter is definitely not a Chinese parenting style but too bad, they chose to immigrate here so they need to accept the outcome of their choices.
His family might try to turn the child against you. You have to be a supportive parent through that.
Chinese daughter here and it is a thing for Chinese mothers to manipulate the children emotionally against the other parent. My mother used us as weapons in her unhappy marriage. The end result being adult children who realized her toxicity and set up strong boundaries. The Chinese have a tendency to live through their progeny and there is very unhealthy enmeshment. You will have to provide a healthy model for parenting. And they need to respect and help develop the autonomy of the child. The latter is definitely not a Chinese parenting style but too bad, they chose to immigrate here so they need to accept the outcome of their choices.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 09:00
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:Do your children have Chinese passports or would your husband/his parents be able to apply for them? If so the settlement needs to specifically say he cannot do so.
China does not allow dual citizenship.
The kid can't have a Chinese passport unless born there.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 08:13
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Do your children have Chinese passports or would your husband/his parents be able to apply for them? If so the settlement needs to specifically say he cannot do so.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 04:42
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:Put the kids on the stop list for travel purposes or just hide their passports
What I mean is you’d have to give an official negative response to official travel requests by dad, but keeping the passports ensures he doesn’t take them abroad secretly
Anonymous
12/28/2025 04:39
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Put the kids on the stop list for travel purposes or just hide their passports
Anonymous
12/28/2025 02:36
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Anonymous wrote:Let me take a guess - the child/ren are boys.
They wouldn't make such a huge fuss over girls.
No but same difference basically because they will be the only grandchildren in this generation on MIL’s side of the family and DH is the only boy in his generation on MIL’s side.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 02:30
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Let me take a guess - the child/ren are boys.
They wouldn't make such a huge fuss over girls.
They wouldn't make such a huge fuss over girls.
Anonymous
12/28/2025 02:26
Subject: Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
Most judges will not go for it. Actually, seeing a parent behave this way can be a red flag to the judge / mediator and backfires against the spouse seeking this kind of alienation.
Courts ALWAYS prioritize the best interests of the children. Not the parent.
Make sure you have a seasoned attorney.
Courts ALWAYS prioritize the best interests of the children. Not the parent.
Make sure you have a seasoned attorney.