Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a job or is in school and otherwise a functioning adult? Not everyone cares about a great social life and medications do have side effects for some.

Yes, he’s functioning and in school

Young adults his age are mostly like him.

It's autism and/or anxiety. High-functioning autism often comes with a lot of social anxiety. You need to recognize his fears and his efforts when he does socialize and honor his downtime when he needs to recuperate.

You cannot fix this with meds, OP, and it's best that he's not on SSRIs all his life. He needs to build self-awareness and understanding that sometimes social interactions are necessary. It's difficult. We're all HFA with social anxiety in this family.

Is he merely shy?

https://www.npr.org/2025/12/19/nx-s1-5550228/comic-6-tips-to-help-you-overcome-social-anxiety-this-season

Anonymous wrote:Socializing is a muscle that needs to be built over time. Maybe a therapist helps him but only if he wants to get better. If he has friends and he is more relaxed around them then what you are describing is situational. I’m sure it’s totally awkward and uncomfortable to see your child so uncomfortable. Mine was kinda cringe at 18,19 too - eye aversion, twitching leg, short answers, giving every indication that they wanted to be anywhere but there. Between college and just life - summer internships, rounds of interviews, discussions with professors, bosses, all of it - mine is much better as a young adult. So some of it is just letting them grow and mature into adulthood.

Op here. I do agree with this. He had a social job last summer which seemed to help a lot. But 6 months later after months of semi isolation studying, he seems to have reverted back

Anonymous wrote:Is he autistic? My autistic almost-adult is incredibly uncomfortable around people. So uncomfortable that he makes those around him uncomfortable. He’s never learned any social skills and doesn’t understand how to read people.

No, not autistic

Anonymous wrote:Can you identify what the actual problems are? He's doing well in school and has some friends. So he's not as sociable as you think he should be? He doesn't have a girlfriend? That's not really a reason for him to be on meds. What are the specific behaviors you're worried about.

Social anxiety which can lead to overall anxiety and depression if it gets too acute… it did for a few years when he was younger and things were pretty bad. SSRi helped tremendously but he wanted to go off after a year. I think it was too soon.

Examples, seeing him this Xmas, he has a hard time being in a store and asking a clerk for things. He wants me to do it. At holiday family dinner with extended family we don’t see often, he makes excuses to be late and then has trouble talking to people. We played board games after dinner and he had a hard time reading his questions aloud.

I suspect the lack of girlfriend is bc it’s hard for me to put himself out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just recommend discussing this with primary care physician.

He’s an adult. I can’t make him talk to his doctor

DP you are still his parent. Mine is 19 and I intervene. He doesn’t know what he needs as he’s anxious.

What doctor would you be able to speak to for an adult? HIPAA?

Can you identify what the actual problems are? He's doing well in school and has some friends. So he's not as sociable as you think he should be? He doesn't have a girlfriend? That's not really a reason for him to be on meds. What are the specific behaviors you're worried about.

Is he autistic? My autistic almost-adult is incredibly uncomfortable around people. So uncomfortable that he makes those around him uncomfortable. He’s never learned any social skills and doesn’t understand how to read people.

Socializing is a muscle that needs to be built over time. Maybe a therapist helps him but only if he wants to get better. If he has friends and he is more relaxed around them then what you are describing is situational. I’m sure it’s totally awkward and uncomfortable to see your child so uncomfortable. Mine was kinda cringe at 18,19 too - eye aversion, twitching leg, short answers, giving every indication that they wanted to be anywhere but there. Between college and just life - summer internships, rounds of interviews, discussions with professors, bosses, all of it - mine is much better as a young adult. So some of it is just letting them grow and mature into adulthood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just recommend discussing this with primary care physician.

He’s an adult. I can’t make him talk to his doctor

DP you are still his parent. Mine is 19 and I intervene. He doesn’t know what he needs as he’s anxious.

Anonymous wrote:Did he see a therapist when he was on the SSRI? You may want to mention that often people may need additional therapy after a period of time. Also, medicine alone isn’t a fix - it needs to be combined with therapy. My ds hates hearing that from his psychiatrist bc therapy is hard. But you can’t make your dc do anything - he will work on this when it’s a problem for him.

Yes he saw a therapist for a long while. Personally I don’t think generalized or social anxiety is helped much by therapy. Tons of money was spent for little to no improvement until he went on an SSRI

Did he see a therapist when he was on the SSRI? You may want to mention that often people may need additional therapy after a period of time. Also, medicine alone isn’t a fix - it needs to be combined with therapy. My ds hates hearing that from his psychiatrist bc therapy is hard. But you can’t make your dc do anything - he will work on this when it’s a problem for him.