Not OP: My problem is that no one discusses gift giving and then shows up with gifts. My sil has brought small gifts to Xmas Eve but if we don't discuss before I don't bring anything, so there I was with nothing last night while she and mil lined the living room with little bags.

I started a new job in May. At my old job we did Secret Santa which was really fun. Everyone got one person to buy for and the max was $20. We exchanged gifts at our holiday party. It was always a lot of laughs. My boss and admin at my new job (we are a small team) both gave me something. I felt so awkward bc I had nothing for them but neither did I want or expect anything from them.

I don't appreciate the "assumption" that gifts will be given. We live in a modest home, I don't need more crap and I'm Catholic and agree deeply with the late Pope Francis' encyclical, Laudato Si. That said, I recognize that if this is such an issue for me I should bring it up but it's so awkward because tbh, gift giving is all about the giver and not the receiver.

Limit gifts. Do 4 things or whatever. Start young. We do 3 presents or so each max. We also take a winter vacation and then a ski on in Feb and kids know we do that instead of a lot of gifts. Gifts are useful things like PJs and books and like one toy. Grandparents do one gift per kid as they respect our style. Once kids are 5+ they are totally capable of recognizing quality/alternatives like vacations over quantity.

You’re using minimalist as an identity. So of course it’s going to feel like an attack. But that doesn’t mean your kids and DH are minimalists. A couple of books is nice, imo. Save them of a library sale would love to have them. Gift them to a little free library as a joyous thing you can do because of your privilege.

Nobody has to be a grump about anything, including making some donations. Just decide in the future how you want to feel when things are outside your control.

Anonymous wrote:get over yourself. do you take airplane flights? drive when you technically could make the bus and train work? these toys, even if directly sent to landfill, do not matter.

if it makes your minimalist aesthetic look bad, make them keep in their bedroom.

I don't understand this part?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you buying all of this stuff? And you expect to get rid of most of it in 6 months? You’re part of the problem.

I bought a few items for each child that I knew they wanted. DH “surprised” me with a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of books for me that he knows I don’t have time to read. I now mostly listen to audiobooks when I’m doing laundry, dishes, etc. Then my mom asked the children what they wanted and she sent a bunch of presents.

Ask him for an afternoon of kid coverage and go to the public library or a coffeehouse and sit and read your gift book.

I think you all will understand what just happened here.

My MIL knows I like simplicity. We joke about it sometimes - like the fact that I have all “boring” white platters while she has ones with designs for each holiday. It’s a space thing and just personal preference. She has a butler’s pantry and can fit all the things, but I have a galley kitchen.

She showed up with a Ninja Creami for us. If you haven’t seen one, it’s a bit larger than a blender and it makes ice cream/sorbet.

My kitchen is tiny. Where the does she think this thing is going?

This too shall pass OP. The little kid years are so fleeting. Shoes/clothes and electronics don’t take up nearly as much room under the tree and get a lot more use over time.

Donate books to your library's sale
Don't buy your kids anything; let your husband a mother handle it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you buying all of this stuff? And you expect to get rid of most of it in 6 months? You’re part of the problem.

I bought a few items for each child that I knew they wanted. DH “surprised” me with a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of books for me that he knows I don’t have time to read. I now mostly listen to audiobooks when I’m doing laundry, dishes, etc. Then my mom asked the children what they wanted and she sent a bunch of presents.

That doesn't sound like the tons of gifts that you initially posted.

Agreed. How many, OP? Perhaps you need to explore your anxiety around stuff.

get over yourself. do you take airplane flights? drive when you technically could make the bus and train work? these toys, even if directly sent to landfill, do not matter.

if it makes your minimalist aesthetic look bad, make them keep in their bedroom.

I hear OP. I have one kid who is VERY into gifts probably in part because he’s younger but my older child just doesn’t want much. They can never think of anything to ask for so we all guess and some gifts will go completely unused. But I can’t bring myself to buy dramatically less gifts for one child no matter what.

Little kids don’t really care what they get. They’re mostly happy to have something to unwrap. A significant portion of the gifts under our tree are things we would buy for the kids anyway, like a bike helmet, pajamas, snow boots, etc.

I give toys, that are in good shape and no longer used, to anyone who wants it for free on my HOA page. Nothing goes straight to the dump. You sound like a Debbie Downer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you buying all of this stuff? And you expect to get rid of most of it in 6 months? You’re part of the problem.

I bought a few items for each child that I knew they wanted. DH “surprised” me with a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of books for me that he knows I don’t have time to read. I now mostly listen to audiobooks when I’m doing laundry, dishes, etc. Then my mom asked the children what they wanted and she sent a bunch of presents.

That doesn't sound like the tons of gifts that you initially posted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you buying all of this stuff? And you expect to get rid of most of it in 6 months? You’re part of the problem.

I bought a few items for each child that I knew they wanted. DH “surprised” me with a bunch of stuff, including a bunch of books for me that he knows I don’t have time to read. I now mostly listen to audiobooks when I’m doing laundry, dishes, etc. Then my mom asked the children what they wanted and she sent a bunch of presents.

Luckily you can save the books and slowly read them. That's nice that your DH got them for you.