Anonymous wrote:I think it helps to give “categories” or “themes” for grandparent gifts.

For example, having tons of Lego sets bothered me less than tons of random toys even if it’s all plastic. So, that’s my advice, think of the things that your kids like most and redirect the grandparents to that one category. Pokemon figures are another theme that lasted for a long time. This works because like legos, the figures are expensive and mentally don’t feel like clutter.

I'm a grandparent. The parents know what they are planning to give children from themselves and what gets labeled Santa. Parents chose what we bought and everything was a theme or category. We had our time as parents of young children and that torch is passed so the parents take the lead on the holiday. That works best since it follows what the children want and there are so many other people who give randomly chosen gifts.

Big $ gifts for GC from us are the 529s.

For people who get massive piles of random stuff how large were the unwrapped piles? 2 feet by 2 feet high for each kid?

Anonymous wrote:My parents do this too. Complain about cheap stuff from China but then only buy massive amounts of it. I’ve done a few things that help:

-pointing out that sometimes the brand name is better and the cheap stuff frustrates kids or isn’t compatible with the brand name stuff.
-requesting specific items: “this magnet tile set because it has all the trucks he wants and connects to duplo blocks” rather than “magnet tiles”
-asking for bigger ticket items so they spend more on one good gift than a ton on cheap gifts
-remembering gifting is as much for them as the kids so keeping it in perspective that letting them give my kids tons of stuff makes them happy as well as my kids

Our situation has evolved to something like described above. I also stopped being all modest like "oh we don't need much, let's keep it simple" or dropping passive hints. Instead, I chose a very direct route. I sent a wish list to all the generous and offending family members, and they decided among themselves what they were attracted to. Some items had specific product links or suggested stores. Some were more like category that I left open for them to get creative or decide. Some had a line or two of story about why my kids would love that. Majority of gifts this year came from the list, and while I wish we had gift receipts for the few amazon crap we got (off-list...), it was all around a better experience.

To be honest, I spent more time than I expected curating the wish list to what I know my kids will enjoy or have been asking for, what won't drive my DH and I crazy, and include a little something that'd be attractive to each personality and interests in our group of enthusiastic givers.

A lot of times the gift-giving is *more* for the gift-giver. And the internet makes it SOOOOO easy for people to do it—they'll look at just one thing, and then be bombarded for weeks on weeks about the "must-have" kids' gifts. But as much as it makes them happy, I don't think we are obligated to live with the deluge and privately stress out over the waste. Everyone's family situation is different of course, but the way I see it, if it makes you happy to spend cash on us, let me be your guide as my gift to you. That extra curated wishlist labor was fun for me, even. No regrets.

Oh actually a regret is maybe not making a wishlist for myself. LOL. After all the fret over kids and a lonnnng ass year, this mom would have certainly smiled at a fit-for-me gift ... not whatever latest social media craze. A mission for another day.

Anonymous wrote:Hear me out. It may be a millennial parenting trope by now to complain about grandparents over gifting but I REALLY don’t remember this to be a thing when I was growing up at least.

We are so fortunate to have two sets of grandparents who adore our children. We are even lucky that they somewhat adhere to our wishes for gifts for our toddlers - experience gifts, etc. But even with our pleading to keep just to that, or to provide minimal other items so the kids can unwrap something, they inevitably can’t help themselves from buying loads of cheap plastic crap as gifts. I can’t handle the volume and I resent it, because now it’s on me to find room for it and eventually donate it. I’m also annoyed that my MIL gets more presents than we or Santa does for our kids and uncomfortable with how much they are spending. Our kids want for nothing, our planet doesn’t need more crap in a landfill and Bezos doesn’t need more money!

Rant over.

How old are you? My oldest kid is approaching 40, and I had this same problem when my kids were little. The grandparents just couldn’t resist all that cheap plastic stuff for the kids to unwrap. That stuff does tend to break easily, which disappoints the kids, but it allows you to get rid of it.

I eventually realized that our parents were just so excited about our kids and loved them so much that this was just how they showed their love.

I balance this by not getting my kids any Christmas gifts at all, and just fund their 529. Other people buy so many gifts, they don’t need any more from us, nor will they appreciate the overload.

We also make sure the kids write thank you notes for each person who gifted them something.

But we do not complain and ask grandparents to get less. It makes them happy, makes the kids happy, it’s not a big deal to return or donate as needed.

My mom gives me $1000 for family of 5. I usually spend 250$ per child and 250$ on a couples gift. Now the DC are teens they know realize Santa is real- just not who they thought it was.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See if you can start to convince them to buy tickets for events like cirque du soliel, a family membership to the aquarium, a ballet class.

Start planting the ideas earlier next year “oh Larla loved our trip to the aquarium, did you know it’s super expensive nowadays? I wish we could go more often. I should look into the membership.”

The grandparents aren’t buying gifts for the children; the gifts are for the grandparents.

Agree- I put presents on my kids list for grandparents that I new he would want to play with that day and the next few times they spend with him. The boring/ more educational ones were from me. They all had fun playing with cars and kinetic sand for an hour on Christmas. I feel like asking for experience gifts are fine, but really its just offsetting my costs for thing I get to do with him. If anything, I would ask them to pay for an activity we can all do together.

So like a Gen Xer to miss the point that the millennial OP was being self deprecating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a millennial parenting new found issue.

+1

+2 Sooo true that the millennials think their generation was the first to experience everything! 😂 -Gen Xer

Welp my mom recently died and she was the over gifter. Loads of gifts for the kids. Way too many. The kids are still young and she's gone and Grandpa got them 1 small thing each this year. They definitely noticed things are different this year. This is a temporary problem. Toddlers are much easier to shop for and wait a few years and your circumstances can change too.

I think it helps to give “categories” or “themes” for grandparent gifts.

For example, having tons of Lego sets bothered me less than tons of random toys even if it’s all plastic. So, that’s my advice, think of the things that your kids like most and redirect the grandparents to that one category. Pokemon figures are another theme that lasted for a long time. This works because like legos, the figures are expensive and mentally don’t feel like clutter.

Anonymous wrote:All your generation does is complain and blame others.

😂

Anonymous wrote:See if you can start to convince them to buy tickets for events like cirque du soliel, a family membership to the aquarium, a ballet class.

Start planting the ideas earlier next year “oh Larla loved our trip to the aquarium, did you know it’s super expensive nowadays? I wish we could go more often. I should look into the membership.”

The grandparents aren’t buying gifts for the children; the gifts are for the grandparents.

Have you specifically directed them to an easily accessible wish list? I told everyone I was looking for wooden toys without batteries, or organic clothing of specific sizes. Luckily my family tends to favor those anyway, and it limits the choices.

All your generation does is complain and blame others.

My in laws only buy crap, and I’m talking they only shop at the dollar store but spend hundreds of dollars. I’d love something I could actually use in addition to the hundreds of plastic china figurines, so look on the bright side.