Simplified -
1) Gifts.
- Just a secret Santa with the extended family. Price limit.
- Money to kids
- DH and I buy our own gifts.
2) No cards.
- Send a return card to those who send us cards.
- Or not.
3) Take out food
4) No Christmas Lights. We have put lovely outdoor lights for year round happiness. Lights out at 11 pm.
5) No tree.
6) No jockeying to host. Adult kids ILs want them at their place or take them on a cruise. Go for it. No competition from our side.

I go to the office when my in-laws are here, including I'll go in on New Years Eve until 6, though I've booked myself a spa appointment that day. I leave early in the morning gs and come home late and let DH take time off to deal with themand the kids. It's not like he does anything for my parents so it's fair.

What I do/don’t do based on my personal priorities:

-No more outdoor lights or decorations (this is especially nice when it’s freezing after Christmas)
-No more Christmas Cards (I hand write a few non-photo cards to older relatives I am actually close to.)
-I have teens and I’ve also stopped any teacher gifts or teacher cookie baking. (Sorry teachers - my gift to you is respectful children who behave and do their work on time.)
-Buy no-guilt gift cards for adults who still want to exchange and my teen nieces and nephews who have everything
-streamlined indoor decorations, just the tree, the mantle, couple throw blankets and the half bathroom. That’s it.

I stopped mailing gifts and use electronic cards and online store wrapping. I pick one purveyor and everyone gets gifts from them. This year it is Olive and Cocoa.

Gift bags and tissues only. Traditional Christmas dinner postponed to the following night. No greeting cards except to helpers with a gift in person. Kids are old enough to decorate the tree and house.

Anonymous wrote:
We no longer host. Simple.
We do our own thing as a nuclear family for the holidays.

Less stress and mess.

This. It’s one million times better.

My friendly dog is never invited to in laws house. My SIL takes her dog though, it’s small and mine is large.
After about 4 hours though we have to leave to get back to our dog, so it’s a blessing really.

A few years we got takeout Peking Duck for Christmas Eve. Other times we went to XO Taste in Willston II. It was amazingly good with lots of Chinese families there. I still miss that place. Closed during covid I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't worry about anyone else's happiness anymore. I make the food I can exercute that most people can reasonably enjoy eating, and I don't worry if someone shows up and announces they don't eat xyz anymore. If people are late I don't push things back for them. If they don't love their gifts (after insisting to us that adults need to exchange gifts), oh well.

The family wouldn't get together if I didn't host everyone (including out of town overnight guests) so I let myself off the hook for a lot. I put my young kids first.

I'll take this a step further. If you are super fussy about food and need a completely different menu, I'm just not inviting you. I'm not set up to be a restaurant and can barely manage a large family meal. Maybe I'd feel nicer if it's a kid with food allergies, but no, in my family it's adults with eating disorders parading as "gluten free" or low carb or selectively vegetarian. I now invite like this: "We're having prime rib, twice baked potatoes, popovers and sauteed mushrooms- would you want to come over for Christmas? If not, no worries, we'll see you in the new year!"

We also only exchange presents with kids, not adults.

I am the person you are replying to, and agreed. Food allergies or a medically restricted diet would be cheerfully accommodated. Boomer almond moms who are now almond grandmas with an always-changing diet can sit at the counter with a bowl of hummus if they don't want pasta for dinner. I just make sure to get those people snacks like fruit and string cheese and I don't worry about what kind of crazy thing they suddenly aren't eating this year.

Anonymous wrote:I don't worry about anyone else's happiness anymore. I make the food I can exercute that most people can reasonably enjoy eating, and I don't worry if someone shows up and announces they don't eat xyz anymore. If people are late I don't push things back for them. If they don't love their gifts (after insisting to us that adults need to exchange gifts), oh well.

The family wouldn't get together if I didn't host everyone (including out of town overnight guests) so I let myself off the hook for a lot. I put my young kids first.

I'll take this a step further. If you are super fussy about food and need a completely different menu, I'm just not inviting you. I'm not set up to be a restaurant and can barely manage a large family meal. Maybe I'd feel nicer if it's a kid with food allergies, but no, in my family it's adults with eating disorders parading as "gluten free" or low carb or selectively vegetarian. I now invite like this: "We're having prime rib, twice baked potatoes, popovers and sauteed mushrooms- would you want to come over for Christmas? If not, no worries, we'll see you in the new year!"

We also only exchange presents with kids, not adults.

I don’t lie. I create the holiday that works best for me and my family.

I made a nice lasagna that I froze for Christmas dinner over the weekend.

This year I let go of my mental checklist of movies to watch, people to buy for, holiday must dos that exhaust me and tried to just enjoy each day as it came.

White lie- Told my low contact in-laws who always fight, threaten divorce or have some last minute emergency requiring a hospital visit at every holiday that we are out of town for Dec. 24/25 and are dropping off their gifts tonight.

Let my retired parents who live in the western US buy whatever they wanted for DD instead of trying to micromanage.

I don't worry about anyone else's happiness anymore. I make the food I can exercute that most people can reasonably enjoy eating, and I don't worry if someone shows up and announces they don't eat xyz anymore. If people are late I don't push things back for them. If they don't love their gifts (after insisting to us that adults need to exchange gifts), oh well.

The family wouldn't get together if I didn't host everyone (including out of town overnight guests) so I let myself off the hook for a lot. I put my young kids first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only do what I care about. I made a laborious dinner from my homeland yesterday because I wanted it. I bought gifts for my office and kids because I wanted to. Instead of feeling weighed down, I feel full of agency.

Same. I do exactly what I want to do and skip parts I don't. Like this year we didn't do a polar express, Gaylord ice or a nutcracker play. We did them in the past and I just didn't want it. House is decorated, but I just didn't put up excess things I wasn't in love with. I'm chilling out with the kids and we do one thing a day max. I took off a lot of days too.

I personally hate cooking so I'm struggling with that. I just can't get a menu pulled together for Xmas Eve yet and I'm having 9 people over.

Order take out from a nice place.
Done and dusted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your little nips, tucks and shortcuts—white lies and lies of omission—that get you through hosting family, or visiting family?

1) Garage drinks: I have a bottle of Baileys and a bottle of sangria that I keep in the garage. Here and there, I’m filling up my “water cup” with this or that.

2) I have so many small errands to run! Just kidding, I’m fully prepared, but I’ll drive around and look at lights by myself or listen to an audiobook in my car for awhile.

3) The day after Christmas, I’m “visiting a friend from out of town who is staying in Columbia.” Just kidding, I’m going to a spa in Columbia for a three-hour treatment.

I don’t see the need to lie and 2 and 3. The first is the behavior of an alcoholic.

FFS. I'm not the OP, but it's Bailey's, not pure grain alcohol. I don't even think you can get drunk on it unless you're 16 and weigh 90 lbs