Did he know you’d be upset and withheld the info to shape your decisions? Or does he think it’s nbd and didn’t want you to worry about it for nothing? Would you have refrained from trying to conceive if you had known?

I’d be upset about the lying by omission or the withholding of information he knew you would want to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he Black? It is common knowledge that Black people must be screened for sickle cell due to it being more common in that demographic. Other racial/ethnic groups have other conditions that must be screened for. When I was pregnant, I had to fill out a form at the OBGYN that asked about both of our ethnic backgrounds so that they would know what they needed to test for.

WTF. Most Black people are not screened for sickle cell.

It's literally part of the newborn screen.

Man, eugenics is frightening.

It’s really not a big deal. If there weren’t genetic testing he would have never known. Most likely he doesn’t know anyone in his family with the disease.

Our family from Latin America had no idea some of us carried the trait until one of my cousins kid’s was found to carry the trait for newborn testing. He appears white as he has very light skin with green eyes.

So most of us got tested and my mother and two of her siblings out of 4 kids were positive. They never knew and it has never affected them in any way. It just isn’t seen as a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:If he is black, this would have been discussed at some point with your health care team.

If he isn't black, but is from a middle east, mediterranean, south asian background, then he likely had family with the disease to have been tested himself.

OP here - He has African ancestry (15% according to his 23andMe). The remaining percentage is European.

His parents found out that he has the gene after routine newborn screening in the hospital when he was born.

Anonymous wrote:DH decided to wait to tell me that he is a carrier of the Sickle Cell gene until AFTER we found out that I'm pregnant (when he has apparently been aware of this since childhood). I am devastated and have been floored since he told me. There is a possibility that the gene could be passed onto our child. Our child won't have full-blown Sickle Cell as both parents have to carry the gene for that to happen, but the point is that I do not want my child to inherit an abnormal gene. I have been doing research and found a case of a child that passed away from complications due to simply having 1 Sickle Cell gene. (https://www.ktnv.com/13-investigates/she-lost-her-baby-then-her-freedom-las-vegas-mother-wrongfully-accused-in-shaken-baby-syndrome-case)

In addition, I'm angry that he withheld this information from me when we were trying to conceive. I feel duped. I'm not sure where to go from here.

Your kids could have a whole bunch of genes you are unaware of. Or could have a mutation you are unaware of or become aware of later.

Probably just something he never thought to share. Just do genetic testing on yourself.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people have that gene. I would only be mildly upset about this. It's forgivable.

I'd choose to have my own kids knowing this. Strangers' DNA can also be problematic.

Would you rather that your kid have ten half-siblings they can find as grownups through Ancestry.com?

Forgive and move on.

I am this PP and I just remembered that long after I had my first son, maybe my second son, my husband remembered to tell me that an ancestor male in his family was born with his heart totally reversed/mirror imaged but it all connected so he lived. This came up during a discussing that a related cousin lost his first male child at birth due to a reversed heart that was too defective to survive birth (pre-ultrasound times). I was a little miffed about finding out about this after the fact. But it wouldn't have changed my decision. We had some kind of DNA test done for the first baby but not amnio. And nuchal fold screening for the second. The doctor said don't get tests unless you know actions you would take with adverse information. I thought that was wise.

One sickle cell gene to me is just info to be known. I sure wouldn't do IVF and embryo picking over it.

If he felt comfortable enough to hide this from you, then what else will he feel comfortable enough to hide? There is a genetic disorder that runs in my family, and I made sure to let my husband know before we started seriously dating.

One copy of the sickle cell gene is vanishingly unlikely to cause problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don’t want children with your husband?
Please, get an abortion and divorce him. He deserves a wife that’s wants his children.

Embryos can be tested. With IVF pre implantation testing is possible.
His wife deserves a husband who is honest.

Her husband deserves a wife who isn't a hysterical shrew.

Anonymous wrote:So you don’t want children with your husband?
Please, get an abortion and divorce him. He deserves a wife that’s wants his children.

Embryos can be tested. With IVF pre implantation testing is possible.
His wife deserves a husband who is honest.

So you don’t want children with your husband?
Please, get an abortion and divorce him. He deserves a wife that’s wants his children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he Black? It is common knowledge that Black people must be screened for sickle cell due to it being more common in that demographic. Other racial/ethnic groups have other conditions that must be screened for. When I was pregnant, I had to fill out a form at the OBGYN that asked about both of our ethnic backgrounds so that they would know what they needed to test for.

WTF. Most Black people are not screened for sickle cell.

All newborns are screened for sickle cell in the United States. They collect a tiny blood sample (prick the baby’s heel).
I remember this, my kids are white and born 15-20 years ago. This began in limited states starting in the 1960s. By 199, almost all states screened. All states were required to by 2006.

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what to make of this. It's standard to offer genetic testing for recessive genes as part of preconception counseling. My thought is that, if this were something you were really concerned about, you would have gotten the genetic testing. It's concerning that your husband didn't tell you beforehand. But many people are carriers for genes without knowing it, and so if it were really a problem for you, I would have thought you would have opted for the screening.

Isn't it also the case that sickle cell gene confers some benefits, like resistance to malaria?

If they don't live in or travel to malaria infested areas, then that benefit would not be particularly useful. Sickle cell trait poses more of a risk than a protection to people who live outside of malaria infested areas. This is why the gene was only selected for in people that come from regions where malaria is prevalent.

Did you get tested before you got pregnant?