Anonymous
12/21/2025 12:29
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is at a private school. I would say yes it's promising.
Colleges have to yield protect. When they pull kids from the deferral to admit, they will call the private high school counselors first, and they will get a clear idea whether the deferee will attend if admitted.
I know cases this has been done before RD results come out. Good luck.
We are at a feeder private, this is a rare result. More commonly a deferral for a legacy is a soft rejection.
OP here. I hope that is wrong, but if true, I would suspect the college counselor would not be so bullish about her chances. I looked at the history on our Scoir, and there have never been more than 3 admits in the early round. So I am hopeful that this is just managing numbers (which is what counselor indicated). Typically it is half and half EA and half RD. Of course I won't share any of this with DD...she's moved on to her far reach applications!
Anonymous
12/21/2025 12:20
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is at a private school. I would say yes it's promising.
Colleges have to yield protect. When they pull kids from the deferral to admit, they will call the private high school counselors first, and they will get a clear idea whether the deferee will attend if admitted.
I know cases this has been done before RD results come out. Good luck.
We are at a feeder private, this is a rare result. More commonly a deferral for a legacy is a soft rejection.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 12:19
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Further demonstrates the dynamic here is being driven by you in an unhealthy way.
She was not admitted, she may never be. It’s always a mistake to encourage your kids to fall in love with a school. Have her write her loci and move on. If she gets in, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Sorry, but you are overreacting here and sound slightly unhinged about something that doesn't impact you. Why would you be so angry at a perfect stranger? Weird.
+1
There are real weirdos on here. NP.
Yea, like parents who refuse to accept that their kid might not be admitted to their dream school after a deferral, setting up very unpleasant next four months for the entire family.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 12:16
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Sounds like OP is at a private school. I would say yes it's promising.
Colleges have to yield protect. When they pull kids from the deferral to admit, they will call the private high school counselors first, and they will get a clear idea whether the deferee will attend if admitted.
I know cases this has been done before RD results come out. Good luck.
Colleges have to yield protect. When they pull kids from the deferral to admit, they will call the private high school counselors first, and they will get a clear idea whether the deferee will attend if admitted.
I know cases this has been done before RD results come out. Good luck.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 12:14
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Further demonstrates the dynamic here is being driven by you in an unhealthy way.
She was not admitted, she may never be. It’s always a mistake to encourage your kids to fall in love with a school. Have her write her loci and move on. If she gets in, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Sorry, but you are overreacting here and sound slightly unhinged about something that doesn't impact you. Why would you be so angry at a perfect stranger? Weird.
+1
There are real weirdos on here. NP.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:52
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Further demonstrates the dynamic here is being driven by you in an unhealthy way.
She was not admitted, she may never be. It’s always a mistake to encourage your kids to fall in love with a school. Have her write her loci and move on. If she gets in, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Sorry, but you are overreacting here and sound slightly unhinged about something that doesn't impact you. Why would you be so angry at a perfect stranger? Weird.
Op, you need to get a grip. I am not the one who’s unhinged here. You seem unwilling to acknowledge and prepare your kid for the fact that she may not be admitted to this school.
I am not the OP, but whatever. You are the one who needs to get a grip. This is so typical DCUM.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:49
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Further demonstrates the dynamic here is being driven by you in an unhealthy way.
She was not admitted, she may never be. It’s always a mistake to encourage your kids to fall in love with a school. Have her write her loci and move on. If she gets in, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Sorry, but you are overreacting here and sound slightly unhinged about something that doesn't impact you. Why would you be so angry at a perfect stranger? Weird.
Op, you need to get a grip. I am not the one who’s unhinged here. You seem unwilling to acknowledge and prepare your kid for the fact that she may not be admitted to this school.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:49
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
“she has been in contact with the admissions counselor strongly supporting her”
Sorry for your kid but HS counselors should not be contacting admissions. I know this goes on but wow, talk about privilege. Counselors as t my kids school barely have time to get the recommendations in.
Sorry for your kid but HS counselors should not be contacting admissions. I know this goes on but wow, talk about privilege. Counselors as t my kids school barely have time to get the recommendations in.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:46
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Further demonstrates the dynamic here is being driven by you in an unhealthy way.
She was not admitted, she may never be. It’s always a mistake to encourage your kids to fall in love with a school. Have her write her loci and move on. If she gets in, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Sorry, but you are overreacting here and sound slightly unhinged about something that doesn't impact you. Why would you be so angry at a perfect stranger? Weird.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:46
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Class of '25 here. We went from deferral to rejection on DD's top choice last year. (It was not her "dream school" because we tempered expectations throughout the process.) The deferral, at a school that does not defer the majority of early applicants, indicated to us that she had a strong application. She got into another great school in RD where she is LOVING it. I hate to be cliche, but things will work out as they're supposed to. Be sure your kids school list is well balanced, and if there were any schools where she was on the fence, consider applying.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:41
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Further demonstrates the dynamic here is being driven by you in an unhealthy way.
She was not admitted, she may never be. It’s always a mistake to encourage your kids to fall in love with a school. Have her write her loci and move on. If she gets in, it will be a pleasant surprise.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 11:33
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Why is this so unusual? Her brother graduated years ago. Trust me, she is in love with this school. She has some other great options she loves, but just not as much. She is old enough to make her own choices/decisions.
Anonymous
12/21/2025 10:40
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Her dream school just happens to be the same school her sibling attends? Op, you have likely consciously or unconsciously pushed this school over others where she would be just as happy. Build up her other acceptances, it may actually be preferable for her to make her own path,
Anonymous
12/21/2025 10:35
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
Anonymous wrote:Those sound like good odds. 1 of 4 = 25% = better than typical for sure. Given that your DD’s stats are better than theirs, she probably has even better odds. Maybe even 33% or 50%.
But even that still means 50 -75% chance of not getting in. And to be clear, this is no guarantee they will take someone from your high school. Past performance does not guarantee future results ….
This is how DH and I are maintaining perspective. Our DC seems to be in a similar spot as yours, according to the data from our high school and it’s history with her ED school.
But though better than average, those odds are still not good. Certainly not enough to count on.
And of course there is ENDLESS uncertainty and unpredictability in this process.
Your (or our) DD’s ED school may already have admitted enough or too many “students like her” in the ED round (whatever that means - pick among the many demographics or ways to describe her) or may have fewer spots for “students like her” this year because they’ve chosen to prioritize something else (again, whatever “students like her” means to the school.)
Or their priorities could have shifted a bit. The school could be seeking fewer kids in her major this year and more in a different major … or they may need to cut some girls at the last minute in order to balance the class the way they want … or they could decide they want more private or public school kids from your area than usual this year and it could cut against her instead of for her this time … or they could decide to accept more international students in order to hit that target, knowing there’s a risk that more than usual could decline or drop out due to the yet-to-be-determined Trump chaos of the day … and on and on.
THIS is how DH and I are managing expectations. There is only so much in our control. After that, it is a lottery … as we’ve always recognized (but need to remind ourselves of regularly.)
As for DD, we’re not trying to manage her expectations - or her as a person - at all at this point.
She’s a smart, mature kid who knows the statistics and understands what they mean. (Better odds than average/ typical still aren’t actually good in this case.)
She also knows that so very much of this is beyond her/our control. A bunch of AOs in a room or on a Zoom will decide on her application for a second time in Feb/March based on criteria we will never know.
This is life. And DD will think and feel how she thinks and feels.
No doubt her emotions, outlook, and attention to this issue will fluctuate all over the place in the next three months. That’s normal, and she’ll learn that she can cope with high stakes (to her) uncertainty and in the end make the very best of whatever the outcome turns out to be.
In the meantime, we’re loving and empathetic listeners. It’s not our job to tell her (an almost 18 year old) how to think or feel. We absolutely empathize (we’re riding this roller coaster, too) but we are keeping our thoughts to ourselves and allowing her to engage this as she chooses. We’re 100% certain she’ll be ok, no matter the outcome.
GL. I know it’s hard. It really is!! 💗
Great advice!
Anonymous
12/21/2025 10:32
Subject: Deferral -- managing expectations
What does it mean the school is shifting ED slots to RD?
The ED results are out now. You can see for yourself if the number of admitted ED students is fewer than previous years. I doubt it the school will “shift” without public disclosure. For example, Cornell announced it way earlier like a year ahead. This is something you can verify on your own.
The ED results are out now. You can see for yourself if the number of admitted ED students is fewer than previous years. I doubt it the school will “shift” without public disclosure. For example, Cornell announced it way earlier like a year ahead. This is something you can verify on your own.