The comment about having an inner bully resonated with me, because I have one, too. It's hard to rewire your brain to defeat the inner bully, but you can do it. I agree that you should try telehealth therapy.

No one is a loser! I hate that word, because it puts people into an immutable box that they can't get out of.

I don't know you, but, so far, I see an honest, sensitive person who is not a "loser" but is having a crisis of confidence.

If you had a friend, or even an acquaintance, who was exactly like you, would you call them a loser? Please be at least as kind to yourself as you would be to others.

The more you have in life, the more you have to lose in the end when your time comes to go.

I think sometimes it's a comfort to have less to say good-bye to. I don't believe there's anything on the other side, you can comfort yourself with all the nice things people will say after you're gone, but you're still gone and won't ever know anything about it. And in 100 years you'll never be a 2nd thought to anyone.

On the other hand, there are people who think they are the most "winningest" humans of all time, and in 100 yrs they'll still be among the most hated in history.

It hurts to feel like a "loser" in life because you're still caring about people who make you feel like that. Or who use you as a foil to make them feel better about themselves.

It helps when you can let go of those kinds of people.

That just makes you average. Maybe you grew up with parents telling you that you’re special and destined to do great things and achieve a lot, and you don’t feel like you’re measuring up either to what you were made to believe or to some construct in your own mind that you invented for yourself. Most of us are living such lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Other people may have experienced it, but it doesn't fix it. Once you've had a childhood where you are unloved by your parents, that's just baked in for the rest of your life. You can't undo it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

Maybe he had some mental disorders like Asperger’s/ autism and really could not connect with people or do things.

Look it up, there are support groups and it’s eye opening to realize that may have been what you were going through: an AS/NT parent child relationship, where few of your needs were being met

Anonymous wrote:You have an inner bully and you’re way too hard on yourself. You are not a loser. Sending positive vibes your way.

+1

If you wouldn’t talk to a friend like that, don’t talk to yourself like that.

Anonymous wrote:You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

I really, really don't. They barely think of me. My dad, in particular, has absolutely no attachment to me whatsoever.

You mean the world to your mom and dad. Don't break their hearts.

Anonymous wrote:I try to distract myself from that fact but it's the truth. I'm a loser. People don't really think much of me, and for good reason. I'm not interesting or charismatic, I don't do anything of consequence, I have not accomplished anything of note in my life. Loser, loser, loser.

Loser.

Stop being so negative.

Volunteer at a dog shelter if you want to feel loved & valued while making a real contribution to society & to one of God's most perfect creations. You will be respected, rewarded, and loved immediately. And deservedly so.

We all care about you & many living creatures need you.

I'm the same as you in life but I don't consider myself a loser. Lighten up on yourself a bit . Not everyone has to make some larger than life impact on humanity. It's not realistic.

Your father is/was a complete jerk, OP.

You’re not a loser. Are you self-supporting? Are you polite to sales clerks and cashiers? Do you pay your fair share of taxes? Do you throw your garbage where it belongs? Do you have a personal sense of right and wrong that you try to follow? Can you appreciate a beautiful sky or a catchy tune? Do you occasionally laugh or smile?

You have touched people’s lives in positive ways that you will never know. That time you held the elevator for someone or let someone get into the lane in front of you or whatever? You may have saved them just enough time that they made a traffic light that, if they’d missed it, would have led to them getting into a car crash. Or when you were polite to a clerk, that may have soothed them in a way you didn’t realize.

If you want to make a change in your life, sure, go ahead. Pick something. Volunteer or learn to cook a type of food or go for more walks. But stop bullying yourself and calling yourself a loser. That’s not accurate and it’s not helpful.

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone in your loserdom.

1. Sometimes, my family forgets to invite me to family events. Occasionally one person will ask "Are you going to David's birthday party?" and I have to respond that no, I wasn't invited. Other times I will be at one thing and they'll be talking about something else and I'll realize they all got together and did that without me.

2. Nobody has ever said they were proud of me. To be fair, there's nothing to be proud of. I'm an assistant at a company and do a decent enough job that I get yearly raises, but I will never get promoted and can't advance. I never have anything to brag about.

3. I am both fat and ugly. Obviously if I could lose weight I would, but I'd still be stuck with the ugly part. My hair always looks awful. Now I'm in perimenopause (I think) and can't work myself up to calling a dr to get an appointment to ask if HRT is right for me bc doctors always dismiss fat ugly people and I don't have it in me to deal with that again.

4. I hate where I live, can't make it better and can't afford to move.

You have a rather defeatist attitude, no offense but no one is so fat and ugly that they own family forgets about them.

I’ll give you the fat and ugly doctors angle, I’ve never been ugly but I’m old now, not too wrinkly yet, but I definitely went through a period where I got a bit fat which made me less attractive.

I noticed doctors didn’t fawn all over me the way they did when I was younger and attractive, no one did really, so I leaned into throwing my weight around and not shrinking in my skin. That worked well for me.

When I got tired of being fat I did the telehealth semi-glutide thing, lost the weight and felt better…

Try the telehealth thing, specifically for glps, they deal with fat people all day, and dont care, in fact the fatter you are the more money they make. So drop the weight, but as for ugly there is nothing to be done.

The bright side is perimenopause means you are well on your way to being invisible anyway, so soon your looks won’t matter at all. Ugly, or not ugly, it won’t matter either way you will be just another invisible middle aged woman.

Drop the weight though because being fat isn’t good for you!

In the moments when we are alone, when we get old, when we die, nothing of what we "accomplished" really matters.

OP - I'm sure there a things you enjoy. Things that make you happy. People you like to spend time with. Enjoy all those things.

Anonymous wrote:I have a child who was never, even 10% anything. So, you’re not a loser, far from if

But whatever I was, it wasn't enough for my parents to care about me.