Anonymous wrote:I’m a 30 something and still have random strangers call me things like “doll, dear, sweetie” etc. I’m wondering if I should say something or let it go. I feel like I’m too old at this point to be called this.

If they’re not from the south I write them off as pretentious and move on.

But in general if a man or woman wants to underestimate me, their loss.

I make it a point to not be offended unless someone means to offend. Can't imagine how life must be otherwise. If you see everything as a slight, you will be miserable and those around you will be as well.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 57 and still get this, probably because I'm small. It beats "ma'am."

I've gotten to the point where ma'am doesn't bug me but I recall the first few times I got this, in my 30s, it felt like a slap in the face. Now I basically don't care.

Getting used to how differently you are treated as a middle aged or older woman in the world, as opposed to a young woman, is truly a rite of passage. It's wild to realize that the most respect/deference you will ever get in your life probably came when you were like 28, and that having decades of wisdom and experience on that younger version of yourself makes people respect you LESS. Truly wild.

Usually it's part of a regional dialect or generational (or both) and it doesn't bother me and can even be nice. I'm not getting indignant about a waitress calling me "hun" when she takes my order, I'm not a lunatic.

In very specific instances it's clearly meant to dress me down or diminish me, and I will pick up on that and be annoyed, but still "tolerate" it in the sense that I'm not going to throw a fit about being called sweetie. The most I might do is use the same or similar term towards them, with the same tone of voice. But even then -- why give them the satisfaction.

People who use these terms maliciously likely do far worse things so I'm more likely to focus on that.

I'm 57 and still get this, probably because I'm small. It beats "ma'am."

Anonymous wrote:I’m 46 and the only person who consistently does this to me is a wonderful server at the “original” Ledo in College Park. My work group comes in regularly, a group of 10 or so. Over the years, she’s taken to calling us all “baby,” “sweetie,” “honey” and she says it because of such long-time familiarity that I absolutely love it.

In fact, unless some leering gross guy is doing it in a deliberately condescending way, I rather like it.

This. Unless it’s a leering guy, I love it.

I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

I do not care what strangers do or think of me unless the are physically assaulting me, pretty much.

No, I hate it.

Might let it slide if they are over 90, but otherwise no.

I’m 46 and the only person who consistently does this to me is a wonderful server at the “original” Ledo in College Park. My work group comes in regularly, a group of 10 or so. Over the years, she’s taken to calling us all “baby,” “sweetie,” “honey” and she says it because of such long-time familiarity that I absolutely love it.

In fact, unless some leering gross guy is doing it in a deliberately condescending way, I rather like it.

It depends.

Dudes… usually don’t like it and when I’m with my friend who trains people in customer service she literally cringes. You can usually tell if it’s creepy or well intentioned.

If I’m in Baltimore I’m disappointed if I’m not called hun .

Anonymous wrote:Dear is fine.

No it is not.

Anonymous wrote:Gen X male here: I’ve discovered (through years of careful observation and evaluation) that I get appreciably better service in places like restaurants, stores, car rental and airline counters, and other such service-oriented places, if in my interactions with female staff, I call them “darlin’ “ or “ma’am”, and smile a lot. Appreciably better service. Not just a little better.

As a foreign born server, I treat you better with words. I'm also thinking that you are the weird American I don't see too often. I just try to match your behavior.
I try to match the behavior of most of my customers as many are from EU and I know them well.
I don't care what people call me. Things like that don't bother me. It says a lot more about them than about me.

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t phase me.

Faze. It doesn’t “faze” you.

I had a recruiter call me ‘dear’ multiple times on a recent call. It was so unprofessional.