I thought the wives of DCUM were all about dropping the rope and letting their husbands manage all the comms/logistics of the in laws.

Is your husband mute? I'm confused why he can't tell you her plans.

Does your family send your DH separate texts of their plans? Not sure why your DH can't communicate to you. SIL didn't marry you, maybe she prefers to communicate with him since she isn't married and doesn't get the dynamic yet. You sound controlling.

Anonymous wrote:In this day it’s not so hard to text both you and your husband with her plans.

Agree. But also, if I heard she was coming but I didn't know details, I would just text her and DH and say, what are your specific plans? Excited to have you! We have xyz at this time, fyi. It's annoying but less annoying than being surprised. Or would she ignore this text/call?

In this day it’s not so hard to text both you and your husband with her plans.

This OP is so bizarre. The SIL is literal siblings with your DH. Why would she need to double communicate her plans to both you and DH? Is this 1950 and wives need to run the home ship? Seems perfectly reasonable that SIL tells her brother her plans, and then brother/dh tells you. Isn’t this how all sibling relationships work? Ladies on here: if you have a sister and are coordinating meeting up next weekend, are you obligated to copy your sisters husband on all texts so he has full transparency? Or do you (rightly) just assume your sisters husband will tell him?

Also, talking about op behind her back? What are you talking about? And again, doesn’t everyone chat a little about their spouses to their close siblings? Not throw under the bus territory, but small gripes and the like? Isn’t that a normal sibling relationship??

This thread is absolutely nuts to think op is somehow entitled to a completely equal relationship with her SIL as her dh has with SIL. Bizarre.

If your DH does not TELL you what she has said to him about plans, that's a marriage problem.

Un insert yourself OP
Let it go. Say anything & you will make things worst.

Understandably she is more comfortable communicating and making plans with her brother. Just ask that he say, let me check in with wife and confirm. As long as he communicates with you, there is nothing wrong with this.

With the other plans you have going on, were there any cases where you were the only contact and you communicated with your husband about the events.

This is odd. How do you know that she is talking about you behind your back? Your husband tells you? If he tells you that then he can surely tell you what her plans are. She doesn’t owe you a conversation if it was had with your husband/her brother. You sound controlling.

Talking about you behind your back is terrible. Maybe plan on her not being there since you haven't heard anything from her, or start freezing her out of your plans. Not enough seating etc.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like SIL tells DH she’s coming but doesn’t give any details? And DH doesn’t push for details and doesn’t see the problem?

My guess is that when SIL does show up, if there’s a conflict, OP’s husband will choose SIL over the prior engagement. Ex. He will skip a party, so OP then has to go alone or also miss it.

People who visit and don’t provide more info are annoying and make it hard to plan and host. OP, in your shoes I’d just make sure the guest room is ready (if you have one) and then otherwise leave all SIL-related planning and work to your DH. Like PPs, siblings often only communicate with their siblings, not siblings-in-law, about visits. The problem is she doesn’t provide details and your DH doesn’t push for details, or he doesn’t convey them to you.

Make the guest room ready? WHY? That’s *DH’s responsibility.* Just stop. I can’t with the 1950s housewives on DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:You have a horrible husband.

He allows his sister to talk about you behind your back, unchecked.

He doesn’t communicate what he discusses with his sister, as far as making plans with you, in an open manner where you get a say before things are finalized.

All that being said, don’t be the “I have to know about plans NOW” type. So annoying. Make your own plans and if her visiting works into them, great, if not, oh well we’re already committed to this party on this night or whatever.

All of this.