I've only had this kind of thing happen once, and my response was "we don't rent it out," with the implication being you can't stay there for free or at all.

Anonymous wrote:If you say no, you should write an extra paragraph explaining what quirks or imminent failures in the house require that you or your husband be there while guests visit.

This is a good idea. It softens the no, but she'll get the message unless she's very dense.

She’s very wrong, just politely deflect.

People saying to let her use it don’t understand, it’s not just being offended it’s also the logistics. Every time you open a vacation house there are a bunch of chores and something always needs fixing/restocking/etc

This is an overstep. I’d politely decline.

Anonymous wrote:I would say no. Despite what the friend is going through, it's an obnoxious request to ask to use your home with another friend while you are away.

+1
Especially a stranger to you.
Worst worst case scenario (we on DCUM love our fabrications and novellas) is that it's some kind of drug addict and they are into drugs now together and invite unsavory dealers over as well. And they bring a dog. Drug dog. Or cocaine bear.

Anonymous wrote:We have a house in the countryside. We often ask our friend to come and visit. She is usually too busy. However she messaged recently and asked when we'd be going away next as she'd love to come and stay while we are gone, with another friend.

The curveball in all of this is that this friend has recently gone through a very hard time, so i want to be a good friend. But something about the request is making me feel a little used.

Am i being selfish? Or is the feeling justified? Would love povs.

"No plumbing at moment. Getting contractors to fix ithis and that."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

That's unnecessarily rude. Plenty of people with vacation homes are happy to have their friends use them.

Fine to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that doesn't work for us. Hope to see you soon! Happy holidays!"

NP here. No this isn’t rude at all. The rude person is someone asking to use your house for free when you’re not there. This isn’t the same as coming to visit you in the house while you are there. Not whatsoever.

I had a house on the water that we do not rent or lend out to anyone. A very good friend of mine told me she had told a contact of hers that she could stay there while she recovers from surgery. I don’t know this other woman at all, never met her. I told my friend I was sorry about her other friend but no, we don’t lend our house out to anyone and she would need to tell this woman it wasn’t available. Our friendship stayed intact and we are still great friends today. It was a weird thing to do but everything stayed fine.

So don’t let any concern about your friendship keep you from holding the boundary. No is no. Just say no.

If you say no, you should write an extra paragraph explaining what quirks or imminent failures in the house require that you or your husband be there while guests visit.

I would assume the OP has specific tasks she does BEFORE she exits her 2nd home (turning water off, adjusting furnace temperatures). I would not be comfortable leaving those tasks to an acquaintance and her friend.

We have a vacation home. I'm actually appalled at some friends but mostly acquaintances (my husband's barber) who want to stay for free - like a fall weekend.
Another friend's daughter was doing an internship where it is and she wanted her to stay there. The kicker is - we rent it out when we're not there. It's like asking us to give you 1k, with nothing in return.
I think the basic premise is -you have this home so you are rich, and I'd like to take advantage of this. It's really entitled and creepy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“That’s not going to work for us. Let’s catch up soon!”

Yep, this is exactly what I'd say. You're not being a bad friend to set boundaries.

This. Not ok to ask and weird. She’s using you.

Nope. Don’t understand how people can be so rude. The nerve of her to even ask. Just from that I can tell she’s a taker and not a real friend.

I would say no. Despite what the friend is going through, it's an obnoxious request to ask to use your home with another friend while you are away.

Say no, or as someone up thread suggests, just ignore it.

We have friends who wanted to visit us while we were living in Los Angeles, but when we were away, so they'd get free accommodation, nothing about it was connected with seeing US.

I find that really offensive. I said no and we have not stopped being friends.

Anonymous wrote:Karla, this isn’t a vacation home, I actually live here half the year. I don’t rent it out as my personal items are everywhere.

This, but lend, not rent.