Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meant I would not engage. I just didn't communicate much. I stopped responding much. I did my own things and didn't talk about them much with my spouse.

So instead of communicating with your SPOUSE and saying “what you are doing is hurting my feelings” or figuring out a better way to communicate, you abandoned your spouse and family life?

Is this how you usually deal with things not going your way with them?

No, my spouse knew I was upset about all the dismissiveness. I talked about it with my spouse and then during marriage counselling with different marriage counselors. I'm the one who asked for marriage counseling. Unfortunately spouse did not change. I don't think I am an irresponsible person or a narcissist. I do admit I "stonewalled" after my spouse was very contemptuous for years.

Some of you sound like the kinds of people who treat your spouses very dismissively and disrespectfully but still think you are good spouses because you don't hit anyone and don't cheat. If you are that kind of person, you could be in for a divorce sometime in the future. People like that are not good spouses. You don't have to take my word for it. Read Gottman. Couples are more likely to break up for stuff like that than for cheating or abuse. Surprising I know, but I experienced it.

Anonymous wrote:The only people I ever met who got mad at being “blown off” were pretty narcissistic and immature. Your wife is not blowing you off by attending to the kids. Be a grown up and just finish what you had to say when her attention returns.

That’s kind of my thought too. This sounds like a narcissistic person who is having their defenses challenged and not really making it at work in some way, so they are really shoring them up at home.

I mean, this is how conversations tend to flow. You talk about a subject and that makes someone think of a funny story and you go off on different tangents and never really return unless someone says, “what were we talking about?” It’s not a personal attack.

He is easily distracted. Assert yourself accordingly

Are these casual chit chat conversations or are you trying to have a discussion about something? If you have young kids at home then right time, and right place matters. If someone is trying to get things done and the kids are needing things and you want undivided attention to have a discussion…it just isn’t the right time. Or are you very chatty and they just walked in the door from work and need time to decompress and you are in their ear…? Again wrong time.

The context these issues are happening in matters.

Anonymous wrote:I meant I would not engage. I just didn't communicate much. I stopped responding much. I did my own things and didn't talk about them much with my spouse.

So instead of communicating with your SPOUSE and saying “what you are doing is hurting my feelings” or figuring out a better way to communicate, you abandoned your spouse and family life?

Is this how you usually deal with things not going your way with them?

Anonymous wrote:The only people I ever met who got mad at being “blown off” were pretty narcissistic and immature. Your wife is not blowing you off by attending to the kids. Be a grown up and just finish what you had to say when her attention returns.

+100

Anonymous wrote:The only people I ever met who got mad at being “blown off” were pretty narcissistic and immature. Your wife is not blowing you off by attending to the kids. Be a grown up and just finish what you had to say when her attention returns.

Wife?