Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a preventative post not a judgey post. Meaning two parties have agreed to allow the responses to this post to guide decisions.

What????

Exactly. Basing your decision on the nutcases in DCUM is crazy.

10. Beyond rude

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of relevant factors to be considered (relationship, cause of delay, the guest’s behavior, etc.) that aren’t discussed here. A distant cousin coming in late because they had a hair appointment and expecting to order a meal when they get there is significantly different from a grandchild coming as soon as they get off work (when the organizers knew there was a conflict and scheduled it anyway) to give Granny a hug and maybe have a piece of cake.

This. Also excusable would be something like the elderly person's child, spouse, lover, close relative coming in from far away and then staying the week. The surprise is them being there at all, no repairs if they miss the official thing.

If it's a large party with a private space in the restaurant I think ok to write the planner to say "we couldn't get there till x time but we'd love to give good greetings and drop off a card/gift/etc. Will you be lingering for coffee if we stopped by after the lunch? Or is it better to mail it?" That makes it clear you don't expect to be fed but you do want to honor the main person.

Anonymous wrote:This is a preventative post not a judgey post. Meaning two parties have agreed to allow the responses to this post to guide decisions.

What????

If I were hosting the party, the guest had a valid excuse for being late and we found a way for them to not ruin the surprise, I would be fine with it. Life happens.

I think there are a lot of relevant factors to be considered (relationship, cause of delay, the guest’s behavior, etc.) that aren’t discussed here. A distant cousin coming in late because they had a hair appointment and expecting to order a meal when they get there is significantly different from a grandchild coming as soon as they get off work (when the organizers knew there was a conflict and scheduled it anyway) to give Granny a hug and maybe have a piece of cake.

Showing up 30 min late to dinner is a 10. Showing up 30 minutes late to a surprise party is also a 10.

I would just start the party without them. Clearly you know they are habitually late. It's only a problem because you expected them to be on time, even though you KNEW they would not. So really, you are the one creating the drama.

What are the reasons for being so late, and why did they show up anyway?

Extremely rude! It sounds like someone is *planning* to be late on purpose. 10.

Are you an Arab? Then it would be early. If you are not, then what is the reason to be late?

Given their age and a surprise not at all.

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s an elderly family member. As long as you don’t come at the same time and ruin the surprise you are good. Im guessing they are supposed to arrive at 1pm and you won’t be able to arrive until closer to 1:30. You could have somebody order for you if it’s a more formal lunch or just be ready to order when you arrive. By the time everybody hugs and sits down and open their menu you will be there.

This.

I think its a non issue, unless the lateness was intentional and they were one of only say, 3 guests hosting the surprise

otherwise, this is a nonsense to get over quickly.

It’s fine. It’s an elderly family member. As long as you don’t come at the same time and ruin the surprise you are good. Im guessing they are supposed to arrive at 1pm and you won’t be able to arrive until closer to 1:30. You could have somebody order for you if it’s a more formal lunch or just be ready to order when you arrive. By the time everybody hugs and sits down and open their menu you will be there.