As an adult….I regret the effort that I put in and stopped club at 15.

If I had put even 50 percent effort it would have been at least division 1 scholarship.

Opportunity wasted

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Anonymous wrote:To each their own so do you but my kid resembles much of the PP and has talked about quitting before but our rule is you can never quit in season for anything (sports, arts, clubs, jobs). Once you start, you must complete then reassess to see if you want to recommit yourself/take on that task. Quitting is contagious.

Quitting because hard, being pushed, not playing position want or as often as want, has to work or not one of the coaches favorites, etc. = no. Removing from an abusive situation= yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legimate question. What is being done to everyone kids that is so harsh? I've seen coaches yell at players quite a bit in game. I feel like what everyone is experiencing is so much worse. Are they personally attacking a player? Degrading them?

Humiliation style coaching, degrading individual players, pitting players against each other, getting in faces, threatening, etc. This is far beyond what's accepted as normal loud mouth on the sidelines/ mean coach.

You talking about coaches or parents?

To each their own so do you but my kid resembles much of the PP and has talked about quitting before but our rule is you can never quit in season for anything (sports, arts, clubs, jobs). Once you start, you must complete then reassess to see if you want to recommit yourself/take on that task. Quitting is contagious.

If your kid wants to quit, then he/she should quit. My daughter played for a club with crappy/manipulative coaches and I thought she'd play at the least through high school. But glad she did quit and found other sports in high school that she likes and excelled in. No regrets. If yours is athletic, then they'd find their sports in school.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with some of the parents that perhaps it’s not the coaches- it’s the upbringing.

My DC gets yelled at by a coach and automatically pays closer attention and then tries harder. Some teammates immediately get withdrawn and their parents get offended.

I have no issue with a coach yelling, nor does my kiddo. This is a very abusive environment.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know my message was lengthy, but they are quitting. I care more about their mental health than anything else. If they didn't want to quit, I'd be pulling them mid year no matter what.

My question is about whether or not someone's kiddo quit completely and then regretted it when they later wanted to make high school or college club level? [/quote]I know you said your kid didn't want to play rec but I will say my slightly younger kid stopped club mid season after injuries and rosters being way to large and the next year I forced a handful of rec games (no practices) with kids he knew the following season. It was a great down shift to see that soccer can be fun again. Rec was to address both worry of regret and being able to play at least school ball the following year just like you son's situation. It was the right choice for my kid (but he also bumped up his secondary sport.) My bigger point is there is huge value is seriously downshifting and just trying to 100% focus on fun and 0% on trying to get better. Maybe give it a break in the spring but find a loose rec team for the fall. Best of luck in whatever he picks. Soccer is unfortunately diamonds or dust now and nobody leaves the sport happy. In many ways the kids who see that the efforts to get better has almost no payoff the soonest are the ones who will have the fewest regrets in the end.[/quote]

Yes I'm wondering if the winter/ spring off will give some clarity for them. Glad it worked out for you guys

Agree with some of the parents that perhaps it’s not the coaches- it’s the upbringing.

My DC gets yelled at by a coach and automatically pays closer attention and then tries harder. Some teammates immediately get withdrawn and their parents get offended.

My kid quit. No regrets. Picked up a new sport they love. Made JV in the new sports as a freshmen.

So much more joy in their life.

[quote=Anonymous]I know my message was lengthy, but they are quitting. I care more about their mental health than anything else. If they didn't want to quit, I'd be pulling them mid year no matter what.

My question is about whether or not someone's kiddo quit completely and then regretted it when they later wanted to make high school or college club level? [/quote]I know you said your kid didn't want to play rec but I will say my slightly younger kid stopped club mid season after injuries and rosters being way to large and the next year I forced a handful of rec games (no practices) with kids he knew the following season. It was a great down shift to see that soccer can be fun again. Rec was to address both worry of regret and being able to play at least school ball the following year just like you son's situation. It was the right choice for my kid (but he also bumped up his secondary sport.) My bigger point is there is huge value is seriously downshifting and just trying to 100% focus on fun and 0% on trying to get better. Maybe give it a break in the spring but find a loose rec team for the fall. Best of luck in whatever he picks. Soccer is unfortunately diamonds or dust now and nobody leaves the sport happy. In many ways the kids who see that the efforts to get better has almost no payoff the soonest are the ones who will have the fewest regrets in the end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legimate question. What is being done to everyone kids that is so harsh? I've seen coaches yell at players quite a bit in game. I feel like what everyone is experiencing is so much worse. Are they personally attacking a player? Degrading them?

Thanks for asking this! My child is U9, and I'm curious about the answer here as well, so I know what to look for down the road. Regarding our current team and club, I can tell there is a mix of parents who like the coach and parents who don't - and playing time is certainly correlated with that divide

To get at the OP's question: I acknowledge that travel/club soccer is so different now than when I played in McLean back in the day (I'm 46, for reference, and played when they didn't pit kids against each other with different-level teams or practice as many days per week). But I quit soccer in 8th grade because I didn't love my team, and it was so time-consuming. After reading all the other comments, I almost feel bad that I am giving you a different perspective, but I definitely regret quitting when I did! I was really good and should have at least played through High School. I tried other activities and played HS basketball, but I wish I hadn't quit soccer! But to be clear again, I wasn't in a toxic training environment! I was mainly tired of the time commitment and my best friends didn't play soccer. It sounds like his reasons for quitting are far more legit than mine.

Yes that's the hard part. Everyone thinks their kid is so amazing, but mine could actually play in HS and possibly a smaller college level. They have the skills and self-motivation. I never played a team sport so I have no frame of reference. Trainer after trainer has agreed that they have it. It feels like dumping a future possibility over situations that just shouldn't be happening. Quitting feels like letting them win. But, I can not send them back to this team. I will support any decision my kiddo makes no matter what, but wouldn't go back to this team even if they wanted to. It just sucks all around.

Anonymous wrote:Legimate question. What is being done to everyone kids that is so harsh? I've seen coaches yell at players quite a bit in game. I feel like what everyone is experiencing is so much worse. Are they personally attacking a player? Degrading them?

Thanks for asking this! My child is U9, and I'm curious about the answer here as well, so I know what to look for down the road. Regarding our current team and club, I can tell there is a mix of parents who like the coach and parents who don't - and playing time is certainly correlated with that divide

To get at the OP's question: I acknowledge that travel/club soccer is so different now than when I played in McLean back in the day (I'm 46, for reference, and played when they didn't pit kids against each other with different-level teams or practice as many days per week). But I quit soccer in 8th grade because I didn't love my team, and it was so time-consuming. After reading all the other comments, I almost feel bad that I am giving you a different perspective, but I definitely regret quitting when I did! I was really good and should have at least played through High School. I tried other activities and played HS basketball, but I wish I hadn't quit soccer! But to be clear again, I wasn't in a toxic training environment! I was mainly tired of the time commitment and my best friends didn't play soccer. It sounds like his reasons for quitting are far more legit than mine.

Anonymous wrote:Legimate question. What is being done to everyone kids that is so harsh? I've seen coaches yell at players quite a bit in game. I feel like what everyone is experiencing is so much worse. Are they personally attacking a player? Degrading them?

Humiliation style coaching, degrading individual players, pitting players against each other, getting in faces, threatening, etc. This is far beyond what's accepted as normal loud mouth on the sidelines/ mean coach.

Legimate question. What is being done to everyone kids that is so harsh? I've seen coaches yell at players quite a bit in game. I feel like what everyone is experiencing is so much worse. Are they personally attacking a player? Degrading them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would name the toxic clubs and coaches so other people could avoid them!!!!

It's really not that easy - sometimes it's one small teammate dynamic in one particular age group. It's constantly in flux too so what might be a really bad situation this year, is totally different next year.

And for some the same coach is fantastic for portion of the team so then would just get bunch of debates on here if did

And that is the whole issue. Parents never complain because they are worried it'll be worse for their kid. A lot of clubs will bench a kid for parent complaining. The cycle continues. Then when a situation is so ridiculous you have to step in, then it looks like an isolated issue if no one else is complaining. The TD doesn't take it seriously because it looks like a you problem vs an actual mentally unstable coach with anger management issues. They get a this isn't the club culture we want to foster discussion, the coach ends up PO'd because it's obvious who complained, and then they are further targeted. The kid moves to another club so problem solved in TD eyes. This happens again and again at all of these clubs. None of them remember they are in the customer service business. The things they do to these kids will stay with them for the rest of their lives good or bad.