Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:43
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
At my firm, spouses are invited by they don't all come. My spouse is a misanthrope and often skips. After many years, I think most people realize he is a misanthrope and don't care that he doesn't come. I have co-workers with great spouses and I would miss them if they didn't come, but I certainly wouldn't hold it against them. But he obviously wants you to go, so it sounds like it's important to him. So just go.
Also, note that many companies encourage spousal attendance at parties because it really cuts down on sexual harassment issues and potential inter-office liaisons. Something to think about for all those spouses that don't like to go to the holiday party.
Also, note that many companies encourage spousal attendance at parties because it really cuts down on sexual harassment issues and potential inter-office liaisons. Something to think about for all those spouses that don't like to go to the holiday party.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:42
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
I don't care if DH comes to ours and he doesn't. It's a huge party and it would never be noticed if spouses come or not and many don't.
However, DH likes me to come to his, I think mostly because he doesn't like socializing with his coworkers and I'm better at it so it makes the evening more pleasant. Also, it's not a huge party, most spouses attend, and leadership would notice if you didn't attend.
However, DH likes me to come to his, I think mostly because he doesn't like socializing with his coworkers and I'm better at it so it makes the evening more pleasant. Also, it's not a huge party, most spouses attend, and leadership would notice if you didn't attend.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:39
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My dh is introverted and I don't make him attend any non family parties. No one ever says anything to me.
what level are you?
Yes, in my company, no one cares if lower level employees’ spouses don’t come. But for leadership, people do ask and notice. I mean no big deal if you have something come up etc. but if someone never came, it would be noticed.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:34
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My brother years ago had an excel spreadsheet where every day if an employee did even one thing extra they get a check.
Meaning came in early, worked late, attended a work volunteer thing, spouse went to holiday party, helped out another person outside of job responsibility or even just see him busy and ask if he needed help, even if he said no.
He had a 100 percent bonus pool. One year he had an employee get zero bonus. Each little thing does not mean much but over year those little things add up. He also had a person get a 250 percent bonus. When you got zero he just reallocate the bonus to the others.
So dont sweat holiday party but dont be that guy or gal
OK I get the philosophy behind this, but your brother is OCD and intrusive.
Sounds extremely controlling. Was he like this with his spouse and kids?
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:32
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Anonymous wrote:I find it funny the spouse takes 1/2 the paycheck for the full year but in turn showing up for a 3 hour party once a year is too much work. What about the person who worked 2,000 hours to earn the check who also went to the 3 hour party alone?
If the employee doesn't care if their spouse attends, why should you?
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:31
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Anonymous wrote:My brother years ago had an excel spreadsheet where every day if an employee did even one thing extra they get a check.
Meaning came in early, worked late, attended a work volunteer thing, spouse went to holiday party, helped out another person outside of job responsibility or even just see him busy and ask if he needed help, even if he said no.
He had a 100 percent bonus pool. One year he had an employee get zero bonus. Each little thing does not mean much but over year those little things add up. He also had a person get a 250 percent bonus. When you got zero he just reallocate the bonus to the others.
So dont sweat holiday party but dont be that guy or gal
OK I get the philosophy behind this, but your brother is OCD and intrusive.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:30
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
At one of my husband's German workplaces, the Christmas Party was cozy and family-centered, and it was important for all to attend because we were friendly together, and a spouse's absence would have been noted (as in, are they getting divorced???). An employee dressed up as Santa and gave out gifts to all the children. Each child was specifically shopped for! It was the only great workplace party either of us have ever attended.
At a more run of the mill, anonymous party, attendance of the spouse might not be noticed.
At a more run of the mill, anonymous party, attendance of the spouse might not be noticed.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:30
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
My brother years ago had an excel spreadsheet where every day if an employee did even one thing extra they get a check.
Meaning came in early, worked late, attended a work volunteer thing, spouse went to holiday party, helped out another person outside of job responsibility or even just see him busy and ask if he needed help, even if he said no.
He had a 100 percent bonus pool. One year he had an employee get zero bonus. Each little thing does not mean much but over year those little things add up. He also had a person get a 250 percent bonus. When you got zero he just reallocate the bonus to the others.
So dont sweat holiday party but dont be that guy or gal
Meaning came in early, worked late, attended a work volunteer thing, spouse went to holiday party, helped out another person outside of job responsibility or even just see him busy and ask if he needed help, even if he said no.
He had a 100 percent bonus pool. One year he had an employee get zero bonus. Each little thing does not mean much but over year those little things add up. He also had a person get a 250 percent bonus. When you got zero he just reallocate the bonus to the others.
So dont sweat holiday party but dont be that guy or gal
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:25
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
We work at the same place so yes, we usually both go.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 15:25
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
I find it funny the spouse takes 1/2 the paycheck for the full year but in turn showing up for a 3 hour party once a year is too much work. What about the person who worked 2,000 hours to earn the check who also went to the 3 hour party alone?
Anonymous
12/10/2025 14:57
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
I go every few years to make an appearance since DH is general counsel. Otherwise, I stay home with DC and save the cost of a sitter.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 14:48
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Depends on the company. DH's current place, every spouse attends and the younger folks may bring a long term partner. But my parties, no spouse comes and it would be weird.
They are either invited or they aren't. It's not really a guessing game.
At my firm everyone gets a +1 you just have to provide their name in advance. Most everyone brings their spouse or partner. I let my introverted, socially anxious DH slide on a LOT of invitations but holiday party for 1.5 hrs is not one of them.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 14:08
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Anonymous wrote:Depends on the company. DH's current place, every spouse attends and the younger folks may bring a long term partner. But my parties, no spouse comes and it would be weird.
They are either invited or they aren't. It's not really a guessing game.
Anonymous
12/10/2025 13:30
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
If you don’t know, as many others have jumped in to point out, that the answer depends on the situation there are probably enough general nuances of life you’re missing that you should probably just trust him and go
Anonymous
12/10/2025 12:41
Subject: Does anyone care if spouse comes to holiday party?
Depends on the company. DH's current place, every spouse attends and the younger folks may bring a long term partner. But my parties, no spouse comes and it would be weird.