Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:54
Subject: How involved were you
I wanted to see everything. DD refused to show me anything. I'll live.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:46
Subject: How involved were you
Anonymous wrote:With my oldest ASD/ADHD kid, I was heavily involved in selecting his list of colleges, because he had no clue, and editing his essays, which all needed a lot of work (he had great ideas, though). There was no strategizing in high school, because his chosen course was already set (all humanities APs), and he had no bandwidth for ECs. I begged him to get a small part-time job, which he did.
In college, since he's doing International Affairs, I advised him to select a Bachelor of Science instead of Arts, and add some data science courses to his major. Might come in handy. But I have not given him any other help. He chooses his own courses, and they all sound interesting to me, but what do I know, I'm a scientist.
My second kid is in high school now. There hasn't been any strategizing for courses, since she's just doing it all (all the hardest APs in every core subject). There's no strategizing for ECs, because she's been on her path since elementary, and no one wants to change anything. She refuses to join clubs or do anything she doesn't want to do, so even if we had a different opinion, it wouldn't change a thing. I think she will welcome our help to build her list of colleges, since she too has no clue, but come essay-writing time, we won't be allowed to opine! She thinks she's a great writer, you see
Forgot outcomes: oldest is at GWU, got in with merit aid. Youngest is aiming for higher.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:44
Subject: How involved were you
With my oldest ASD/ADHD kid, I was heavily involved in selecting his list of colleges, because he had no clue, and editing his essays, which all needed a lot of work (he had great ideas, though). There was no strategizing in high school, because his chosen course was already set (all humanities APs), and he had no bandwidth for ECs. I begged him to get a small part-time job, which he did.
In college, since he's doing International Affairs, I advised him to select a Bachelor of Science instead of Arts, and add some data science courses to his major. Might come in handy. But I have not given him any other help. He chooses his own courses, and they all sound interesting to me, but what do I know, I'm a scientist.
My second kid is in high school now. There hasn't been any strategizing for courses, since she's just doing it all (all the hardest APs in every core subject). There's no strategizing for ECs, because she's been on her path since elementary, and no one wants to change anything. She refuses to join clubs or do anything she doesn't want to do, so even if we had a different opinion, it wouldn't change a thing. I think she will welcome our help to build her list of colleges, since she too has no clue, but come essay-writing time, we won't be allowed to opine! She thinks she's a great writer, you see
In college, since he's doing International Affairs, I advised him to select a Bachelor of Science instead of Arts, and add some data science courses to his major. Might come in handy. But I have not given him any other help. He chooses his own courses, and they all sound interesting to me, but what do I know, I'm a scientist.
My second kid is in high school now. There hasn't been any strategizing for courses, since she's just doing it all (all the hardest APs in every core subject). There's no strategizing for ECs, because she's been on her path since elementary, and no one wants to change anything. She refuses to join clubs or do anything she doesn't want to do, so even if we had a different opinion, it wouldn't change a thing. I think she will welcome our help to build her list of colleges, since she too has no clue, but come essay-writing time, we won't be allowed to opine! She thinks she's a great writer, you see
Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:31
Subject: How involved were you
Anonymous wrote:In helping your kid with this process? What’s the average level of involvement among parents on this board?
- picking ECs, competitions, projects, summer activities? No
- choosing schools? yes helped curate list. DC added additional schools.
- application story or strategy? yes
- essays? yes, helped with idea, helped with outline, edited with dc
- reviewing the final common app? yes dc printed pdf of each application to review before submitting
What were/are the outcomes? T20 university
Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:04
Subject: How involved were you
Very involved
- Insisted on significant volunteer activity in summer for all of high school
-Insisted he picked an ec in high school for all years
- Set out schedule to start essays in summer. Suggested topics. Helped with editing (as did school counselor)
-Set high expectations for APs and A's which were met
-SAT tutors
Kid appreciated all the help
- Insisted on significant volunteer activity in summer for all of high school
-Insisted he picked an ec in high school for all years
- Set out schedule to start essays in summer. Suggested topics. Helped with editing (as did school counselor)
-Set high expectations for APs and A's which were met
-SAT tutors
Kid appreciated all the help
Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:03
Subject: How involved were you
If not going ED, discourage the student from having "a dream school" or a number one choice until all acceptances are in.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 19:00
Subject: How involved were you
18:54 poster again. The best thing you can do is: be honest about what you can afford/what you are going to be willing to pay. Communicate that to your student. Know that there will be a type of school you will prefer based on your own experience, your own biases. Watch for that. There's a lot of information gathering a parent can do discreetly to be more knowledgable about various school. Do it discreetly as to not stress out your student. Look up The Common Data Set on as many colleges as possible. THE most important document, imo.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:54
Subject: How involved were you
- picking ECs, competitions, projects, summer activities? -- only in insisting they continue piano for a couple months longer and do one last piano competition. Making sure it was in 9th grade. It resulted in a National Award
- choosing schools -- we insisted on some Rolling Safeties, some EA and one instate financial safety. No school above X dollar figure. Apply widely. We encouraged 10
- application story or strategy -- nothing's a Safety until you get in.
- essays -- tried to pressure that they use, imo, the better of two essays. They didn't always listen.
- reviewing the final common app? -- just for typos or errors
What were/are the outcomes? They had wonderful choices. No surprises of not getting in where we thought. Glad they had some rejections for some high reaches. Never understand parents who shield their children from rejection. The happy surprise was merit aid.
- choosing schools -- we insisted on some Rolling Safeties, some EA and one instate financial safety. No school above X dollar figure. Apply widely. We encouraged 10
- application story or strategy -- nothing's a Safety until you get in.
- essays -- tried to pressure that they use, imo, the better of two essays. They didn't always listen.
- reviewing the final common app? -- just for typos or errors
What were/are the outcomes? They had wonderful choices. No surprises of not getting in where we thought. Glad they had some rejections for some high reaches. Never understand parents who shield their children from rejection. The happy surprise was merit aid.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:51
Subject: How involved were you
I shared a “Notes” document on my phone with my kid, and we wrote down essay ideas. Sometimes a previous life event, anecdote would come up in conversation, and we just kept a running record. When it was time to write the essay, she had a bunch of ideas to choose from. Did this for about a year.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:46
Subject: How involved were you
Anonymous wrote:Cue the chorus of "I never even READ my kid's essays!" "I didn't even know DD had gotten into Harvard until I got the tuition bill!"
99% of people on this forum have a heavy hand. They're lying if they say otherwise.
Do you know everyone on this board?
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:45
Subject: How involved were you
Anonymous wrote:In helping your kid with this process? What’s the average level of involvement among parents on this board?
- picking ECs, competitions, projects, summer activities?
- choosing schools?
- application story or strategy?
- essays?
- reviewing the final common app?
What were/are the outcomes?
None of this. At all. Their ECs were their natural interests from elementary. Some kids like art, music, sports. Try one at a time and see what they like, for fun not for college, then continue one or two that bring them joy for as long as they want. We banned ECs to no more than one after school activity per WEEK before age 10.
It was clear early we had an academic outlier and became more evident with every passing year, based on teacher conferences.
We drove or flew to tour as many top schools as possible knowing they needed academic peer fit as a priority.
Touring is key to developing a good list and helps the student understand the school culture.
The only review was a quick proofread of the common app right before paying each fee and submission. Student is an excellent writer, no help wanted or needed from us.
Multiple T10/ivy admissions unhooked.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:43
Subject: Re:How involved were you
Most of my parent friends do all of this (although less on ECs) and hire a college counselor or both. We aren't hiring CC so
I guess in our world that'll be considered more light touch.
I guess in our world that'll be considered more light touch.
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:30
Subject: How involved were you
Everything on that list. Did it all snd more.
Especially the narrative - but crafted it after the fact or into junior year.
- t10 & Ivy
Especially the narrative - but crafted it after the fact or into junior year.
- t10 & Ivy
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:27
Subject: How involved were you
I edited one essay, and I helped with the filming of one video (fully at the kid’s direction)
Anonymous
12/09/2025 18:09
Subject: How involved were you
All of it. DC could not see past the upcoming weekend never mind building a resume of ECs. We also lived abroad and the in-country process for university only focused on grades so that’s all DCs peers cared about. But DC was heading back to the US and I knew the application had to be FULL. So I bridged the gap, managed the whole process, and DC thanks me now bc they realize now what was at stake.