My DS is similar to OPs. We have two state “flagships” where we live and he plans to attend one of them. He has no idea what he wants to do. What he wants to be his interests are at odds with what he actually enjoys and excels at, if that makes sense.

He has a peaks and valleys profile and can’t see where he fits in right now. Loves literature and philosophy and also has dyslexia. Excels at geometry and physics but struggles in algebra and basic math skills. It’ll be interesting.

I’m scheduling campus tours for the schools he interested in plus one or two others. I’m hoping to get him more invested in the process.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unfortunately a lot of state schools want applications in by October. And for McPS, you won’t have even first semester grades in by the regular application deadlines that are around the new year. That’s also the year you need to find teachers to recommend you — the senior year teachers won’t have time to get to know you and write a letter. So junior year is really the year unfortunately.

+1. This has been true for decades.

Anonymous wrote:People from my public school district who began at modest, third-tier local universities later won a Pulitzer Prize, completed degrees at Harvard, and had their work preserved in the Guggenheim Museum's collection and archives. After college, I briefly worked with someone who graduated from a third tier university who went on to win an Oscar (he changed careers).

The salutatorian of my class died from brain cancer when she was 32—just a few years after finishing her medical residency. The valedictorian of the class ahead of me just died of a stroke a few weeks ago...he was 53.

I have a hard time pushing my kids when this has been my lived experience. I’ve seen brilliance and achievement rewarded in unexpected ways, and I’ve also seen them snuffed out in an instant. And I’ve learned that even extraordinary, jaw-dropping levels of success don’t always begin with being an academic superstar in high school.

Agree wholeheartedly, and also very sorry about your talented friends who died. Life feels so random and unfair.

I don’t think what college you go to matters, at all. While But your work ethic, ingenuity, and self motivation are everything. I get why OP is disappointed in her son. Having no goals, motivation, or drive isn’t a good. But he has time to develop that- no matter where he ends up for college. I do think it is much harder for kids to be self motivated and ambitious now bc there lives are so easy.

PP- I’m glad you shared, that sounds incredibly stressful in its own way!

OP- this is a good post, I feel similarly with my oldest. For him, it’s immaturity (adhd), he’s just not there yet with dreaming about his future. My younger son in middle school is a complete opposite- already researching careers, their salaries, wants to understand finances and housing prices.

Anonymous wrote:You sounded like a nerd and your kid isn’t you. Chill.

The truth and nothing but the truth so help me ja

My kids a bum so no expectations

Anonymous wrote:People from my public school district who began at modest, third-tier local universities later won a Pulitzer Prize, completed degrees at Harvard, and had their work preserved in the Guggenheim Museum's collection and archives. After college, I briefly worked with someone who graduated from a third tier university who went on to win an Oscar (he changed careers).

The salutatorian of my class died from brain cancer when she was 32—just a few years after finishing her medical residency. The valedictorian of the class ahead of me just died of a stroke a few weeks ago...he was 53.

I have a hard time pushing my kids when this has been my lived experience. I’ve seen brilliance and achievement rewarded in unexpected ways, and I’ve also seen them snuffed out in an instant. And I’ve learned that even extraordinary, jaw-dropping levels of success don’t always begin with being an academic superstar in high school.

I could not agree more with this observation.

My first kid (dd) asked for a book about colleges in middle school, read up on them, had her whole plan and went through high school accordingly. Second kid (ds) appeared to mostly spend high school thinking about hanging out with friends, playing sports, and fantasy football. But you know what, he ended up at college too. And is doing great! If your kid isn’t flailing miserably, do your best to take a step back and let them make their own path. It can be hard when you have a basis of comparison that causes you to worry, but really trust your kid unless you think there’s a good reason not to

This is going to get slammed I am sure but my junior is so driven to attend a T10 that they are overextending themself in just about every area. They are hanging in there so far and I believe in them, but they are so determined to achieve and improve and win and be the best that it is somewhat concerning, and I worry about their resilience and disappointment in the face of the inevitable, which could include getting rejected from every school they want to go to (they are having trouble making a realistic list, and yes, we are trying). They do socialize and have lots of friends so it's not an isolation situation. It's just incredible pressure. To complicate things, they got a perfect SAT score and are constantly being told that they have it made and "can go anywhere." It's well intentioned, but is incredibly stressful and so much pressure to put on a kid because that's just not true and they feel under the microscope and afraid of not living up to expectations. They are now wishing they didn't share their score (but are grateful for the score). I understand this is all somewhat of a blessing, but it's also really hard to see your kid push their limits like this. I hope they are happy and healthy throughout the whole process.

People from my public school district who began at modest, third-tier local universities later won a Pulitzer Prize, completed degrees at Harvard, and had their work preserved in the Guggenheim Museum's collection and archives. After college, I briefly worked with someone who graduated from a third tier university who went on to win an Oscar (he changed careers).

The salutatorian of my class died from brain cancer when she was 32—just a few years after finishing her medical residency. The valedictorian of the class ahead of me just died of a stroke a few weeks ago...he was 53.

I have a hard time pushing my kids when this has been my lived experience. I’ve seen brilliance and achievement rewarded in unexpected ways, and I’ve also seen them snuffed out in an instant. And I’ve learned that even extraordinary, jaw-dropping levels of success don’t always begin with being an academic superstar in high school.

I have 16 yo twin boys who are juniors and neither one has been proactive about looking at colleges or studying for SATs. They both take a full course load of AP classes and are in clubs, etc. We’ve been on one college tour and neither had much to say about it. I’m hoping the motivation will start to kick in when they see their friends get more into it.

You sounded like a nerd and your kid isn’t you. Chill.

Anonymous wrote:Students mature at their own pace and need different things. Getting into a decent school -- but not T20 school -- is okay. Being a complete and whole person is important. And don't forget -- there's always graduate school if he finds his passion and becomes more focused on academic achievement.

I totally agree with this as a philosophy. But I don’t really know what’s constitutes a “decent” school. I just don’t really know how to measure the schools below the T100 or so. I mean, obviously avoid llle Trump university or whatever the equivalent is now. But I really don’t know where to draw the line or say “I’m not paying 50K a year for that” or whatever the line is. Some of the safety schools people recommend on these threads I have absolutely never heard of. Unfortunately, even state schools that were once easy admits llle Florida or Michigan state now range from impossible to really hard admits for a kid getting Bs and maybe a couple Cs.

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

Yeah, well, it’s not this way anymore. It’s a toxic cesspool now and if your son is a white male the deck is stacked against him. Be glad he’s not stressing out about gpas and test score and college rankings and feeling like he doesn’t stand a chance.