Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is new - could be related to perimenopause. Brain fog is real. Read Mary Clark Havers' The New Menopause (covers peri too), research brain fog in peri too (lots of info out there). You educated yourself, you educate your husband, you two together develop strategies to prevent it.

Op here. He’s one of those people who is high skeptical of pmd, he’ll never believe in any brain fog related to menopause.

He doesn’t believe in “excuses.” He’s like, just develop strategies for being better.

To add to this, he’s one of those people who prides himself on never getting sick or if he is sick, works from home instead of taking the day off.

He’s that kind of person. Highly perfectionistic. He’s climbed the ranks of his company and is now the boss. Guess who ordered everyone back to the office. That’s who I’m dealing with.

Continually making stupid mistakes like this is repulsive to him.

Oh, you're married to the guy everyone hates. I always wondered what kind of person married them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

We don’t have a shared calendar because he normally doesn’t do any kid stuff. His job is too busy. That’s what makes this even more embarrassing. He did it today as a favor to me because I’m so sick and I still screwed or up.

Are you serious OP? You sound like a whiny brat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

We don’t have a shared calendar because he normally doesn’t do any kid stuff. His job is too busy. That’s what makes this even more embarrassing. He did it today as a favor to me because I’m so sick and I still screwed or up.

Girl, staaaaahp. Whether he does the work or not, get a shared calendar. If nothing else, it'll help him see and appreciate the work that goes into keeping his home and raising his kids (if, in fact, that all falls on you). He doesn't have to do it to know it's getting done.

Solve. The. Problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

We don’t have a shared calendar because he normally doesn’t do any kid stuff. His job is too busy. That’s what makes this even more embarrassing. He did it today as a favor to me because I’m so sick and I still screwed or up.

You still need a shared calendar. He should at the very least be aware of all of the kids' activities. Taking your kids to the doctor is not "a favor".

How old are the kids? Do you work outside of the home?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

This, and with a side of "but my spouse is so unreasonably meticulous" so people might lash out at him instead of addressing her bs.

100% agree that OP can articulate the problem, which makes it her responsibility to keep going and propose solutions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

We don’t have a shared calendar because he normally doesn’t do any kid stuff. His job is too busy. That’s what makes this even more embarrassing. He did it today as a favor to me because I’m so sick and I still screwed or up.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

If you self-identify as "a total f*ck up", well, that's what you're going to be. If you're sorry, change your behavior, because that's what people who are actually sorry do. But you're not taking the advice already given about how to suck less. You want us to tell you how to smooth your BS over with your spouse. Given your description of your spouse, that's not likely.

So you can either accept that you're "scatter brained" and do something about it, or continue to piss off your meticulous spouse (who has a right to be upset you wasted his time/effort, though not a right to be a jerk about it; he could also schedule appointments, confirm them, etc.)

That "it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this" sounds like a giveadamn problem, i.e. you can do better when you actively focus on doing better but then you regress when your effort slacks. Don't slack, or you'll end up here. Take the suggestions (shared calendar, calling to confirm, checking the date on your phone, etc.) and do something different. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You'll have to do something different to get different results.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

Boom! One more time for the people in the back!

Same applies for incompetent husbands with every excuse in the book. Proactivity and accepting responsibility go a long way.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

You stop with the whiny pity party. I can't stand when people make mistakes and hide under this "wahhh I'm such a mess. How can I be better. I'm going to be so self deprecating so people are nice and make me feel better about myself". Grow up. You know you have this issue.

1. Make a shared calendar. That way DH knows exactly what date things fall on
2. Everything goes on the calendar. Even weekly practices/activities
3. If an office doesn't do a follow up reminder, you follow up with them.
4. If there is something you truly struggle with, DH takes over and you take something off his plate

Apologize, don't make excuses. And tell him your game plan going forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is new - could be related to perimenopause. Brain fog is real. Read Mary Clark Havers' The New Menopause (covers peri too), research brain fog in peri too (lots of info out there). You educated yourself, you educate your husband, you two together develop strategies to prevent it.

Op here. He’s one of those people who is high skeptical of pmd, he’ll never believe in any brain fog related to menopause.

He doesn’t believe in “excuses.” He’s like, just develop strategies for being better.

Lol, so your strategy is "he makes and keeps the appts".

Or realistically, you talk live and double-check the night before any appointment. Offices bombard you with confirmations these days....you should have some.

This sounds really weird. I have done this before (thought it was a different day) but there are so many check points like seeing the date when I email the school I have never actually gotten to the dr office on the wrong day!

We recently got a Skylight and we all love it. If you put the appointment on the right day it is on your husband to remember to take them. I don’t know how you have it recorded now but I would generally think that he would have seen “the 9th” and been equally on the hook for knowing what day it is.

Aso, I have a perfectionist husband who sometimes “teases” me about doing things imperfectly or making small mistakes and I have tried to point out he can afford to spend unlimited time on his handful of tasks that he does perfectly because I do everything else. I don’t know whether he actually agrees (I don’t think he does entirely) but it usually makes him stop “teasing” me which is actually a bunch of small digs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch roles. He makes appts, you take them. Or you develop systems. You call a few days ahead of an appt to confirm it. If you make in person, they write it on a card.

I did and I do!

Idk how this is possible but I thought today was December 9.

(To be fair though I have a really bad head cold right now that is making me woozy). Our kids had it before me and each has to take 2 or days off from school.

This doesn't even make sense to me. So you knew the appt was the 9th. Don't you two have a shared calendar? Also why would your DH take the 8th off if you KNEW the appt was on the 9th?

Because I home sick today. I do these appointments normally.

We don’t share a calendar.

You need to start sharing a calendar. You also need to stop with the excuses for everything, I would be annoyed if I was your spouses. Tell DH you're sorry and then make an action plan to prevent this from happening for a 3rd time. Number 1, a shared calendar. DH and I live by ours. It has everything in there and as a result, our lives run pretty seamlessly.

Op here. I guess I should phrase the question as: what to do if you are a total f*ck up because that is the truth.

I’ve been making these kinds of mistakes for a long time. I’ll buckle down and it gets better for long stretches then it slides back into this.

I don’t think I am a total idiot but I can be scatter brained.

Does anyone relate? What do you say to your husband?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch roles. He makes appts, you take them. Or you develop systems. You call a few days ahead of an appt to confirm it. If you make in person, they write it on a card.

I did and I do!

Idk how this is possible but I thought today was December 9.

(To be fair though I have a really bad head cold right now that is making me woozy). Our kids had it before me and each has to take 2 or days off from school.

Be honest; are you an excuse maker?

I mean, yeah probably.

But I do feel mortified and ashamed that I am always the one messing up like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Switch roles. He makes appts, you take them. Or you develop systems. You call a few days ahead of an appt to confirm it. If you make in person, they write it on a card.

I did and I do!

Idk how this is possible but I thought today was December 9.

(To be fair though I have a really bad head cold right now that is making me woozy). Our kids had it before me and each has to take 2 or days off from school.

Be honest; are you an excuse maker?

Oh you can tell she totally is while acting like her husband being annoyed that he took time off work and she told him the wrong date is somehow in the wrong. People like OP drive me nuts.