Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 21:08     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Anonymous wrote:OP here, if a friend were communicating with me about a visit, I would include some amount of enthusiasm. “Excited to see you!” Or something along those lines.

Guess I’m asking too much.


If you don’t want to go, just say so.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 20:54     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Are they normally terse texters?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 20:13     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
If only you were a MIL, you could claim you felt unwelcome!

Seriously though rent a really nice house in your hometown so if the visit is a dud you have a nice place to go back and hang out with your nuclear family.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 20:05     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Not everyone is over the top effusive, OP. Is this out of character for your families? In our families, they don't say in words that they're overjoyed at seeing us. We know it from body language, tone of voice, agitated questions about which milk to buy, which foods the kids like again, lengthy descriptions of our bed and room arrangements, etc... They never say "WE'RE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING!!! ZIP A DEE DOO DAH! WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY!"

Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:58     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
You seem like you're angling for a disagreement, or set out to spin your visit with his side of the family in a bad light. Don't do that if you actually want the visit to go well (and if you don't, then spare everyone the drama and don't go). Give people some grace.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:41     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So I’d expect excitement, yes. But also- did you ask if it was okay to come stay with them over the holidays? I would be a little surprised if a family member with young kids (I’m thinking my brother- married with little kids, about 5-6hr drive, hasn’t ever stayed in our home for Christmas since his kids were first born 5 years ago) called to be like “I’ll be there on the 24th does that work?” I don’t know how I’d feel. A little conflicted even if I ended up being excited to see them in the end. I don’t like being volun-told to host a full family for multiple days.


They want you to come but it will be more work for them, don't you see that?


I’m the PP and yes that explains it nicely. I love my brother , love seeing him and his kids, but if he just told me he was coming to stay for a few days I’d be excited but also a little stressed. I like to do the inviting to my own house, you know?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:25     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Are you actually intending to stay in their houses, or are you taking care of housing yourselves in hotels and visiting each side of the family for three days apiece?

These are very different situations that would, and should, get totally different responses.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:24     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
You should be glad that are not fighting about dates. Are you looking for an excuse to not go this year or in future ones?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:20     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
That's pretty last minute, imho.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:18     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Anonymous wrote:So I’d expect excitement, yes. But also- did you ask if it was okay to come stay with them over the holidays? I would be a little surprised if a family member with young kids (I’m thinking my brother- married with little kids, about 5-6hr drive, hasn’t ever stayed in our home for Christmas since his kids were first born 5 years ago) called to be like “I’ll be there on the 24th does that work?” I don’t know how I’d feel. A little conflicted even if I ended up being excited to see them in the end. I don’t like being volun-told to host a full family for multiple days.


They want you to come but it will be more work for them, don't you see that?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:16     Subject: Re:Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
I would only be upset if these responses were way out of normal for how they communicate. There is nothing wrong with them at face value.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:15     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
OP, pick up the phone and talk to your folks about the trip. You’ll probably get more enthusiasm that way.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:14     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
So I’d expect excitement, yes. But also- did you ask if it was okay to come stay with them over the holidays? I would be a little surprised if a family member with young kids (I’m thinking my brother- married with little kids, about 5-6hr drive, hasn’t ever stayed in our home for Christmas since his kids were first born 5 years ago) called to be like “I’ll be there on the 24th does that work?” I don’t know how I’d feel. A little conflicted even if I ended up being excited to see them in the end. I don’t like being volun-told to host a full family for multiple days.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:14     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
Is it possible both sets have gotten used to you not visiting? Were you invited or did you just say you are coming?
If there's a chance you might be burdening them with the operational details of staying with them, could you stay somewhere else like a hotel or bnb to make it easier? How old are they?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2025 19:05     Subject: Holiday visits - anyone else experience this with older parents?
I'm with OP... I would expect a little excitement about the visit. I can understand if the grandparents are upset they moved far away but would think they'd be happy.