Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 16:04     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a great guy for 3 months. He’s exactly what I want in every way except we just can’t seem to get aligned sexually.

Part of the issue is I’m older and very experienced, while he’s younger and from what I gather quite inexperienced. I don’t know if he’s uncomfortable with what I want or just shy, but it all feels very vanilla for me. Not that he’s not trying, but even just a bit of dirty talk once in awhile seems like a challenge for him.

Anyone been through this? I adore the guy and want to make it work. I’ve been thinking of signing up for some online classes, although I don’t know if that will just freak him out more.


Call me.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 16:01     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:Older woman and younger man can work just fine. Let’s debunk that myth. (Now if the younger man wants or will want kids and the woman doesn’t/already has/can’t then you may have an issue.

No, they can’t. You can be bang buddies but you’re not going to make a long term relationship. Biology is real.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 15:08     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.


What a weird response. There is nothing wrong with dirty talk.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 15:03     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Older woman and younger man can work just fine. Let’s debunk that myth. (Now if the younger man wants or will want kids and the woman doesn’t/already has/can’t then you may have an issue.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 14:47     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.


Lol, so he was raised to be a nice guy and now you want him to playact?

He probably feels ridiculous.

You might be able to coax it out of him if you are encouraging about it over a longer period of time. He may get used to saying whatever you want to hear.


Few examples please

Wait, wait, wait.

What do you guys say in bed? Are you silent during the act? Do you only say things like "that feels good"?

That's ridiculous. My husband was raised to be a nice guy, is a nice guy, but the things he says in bed are amazing. It's dirty, but all incredibly complimentary to me and my body and to what I do to him. I can't imagine having sex without all of that verbalization from him. It adds to the experience so much.


Few examples please
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 14:47     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.


Lol, so he was raised to be a nice guy and now you want him to playact?

He probably feels ridiculous.

You might be able to coax it out of him if you are encouraging about it over a longer period of time. He may get used to saying whatever you want to hear.


Few examples please

Wait, wait, wait.

What do you guys say in bed? Are you silent during the act? Do you only say things like "that feels good"?

That's ridiculous. My husband was raised to be a nice guy, is a nice guy, but the things he says in bed are amazing. It's dirty, but all incredibly complimentary to me and my body and to what I do to him. I can't imagine having sex without all of that verbalization from him. It adds to the experience so much.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 14:34     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him what he thinks about dirty talk? My husband is into dirty talk. Honestly, it is a huge turn off for me. The moment is literally ruined when he does this and I can’t get myself to orgasm because of it. After years of dealing with this, I finally told him. It caused a huge argument because he is VERY into it and I am not. A hard compromise on it because even when I agreed to do it every now and then it turned him off because he knew I now wasn’t into it. Our sex is now awkward as hell and a lot easier if I just get drunk. Good luck OP

You married someone who you are turned off from?


NP
Seems so .. Ick!
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 14:28     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him what he thinks about dirty talk? My husband is into dirty talk. Honestly, it is a huge turn off for me. The moment is literally ruined when he does this and I can’t get myself to orgasm because of it. After years of dealing with this, I finally told him. It caused a huge argument because he is VERY into it and I am not. A hard compromise on it because even when I agreed to do it every now and then it turned him off because he knew I now wasn’t into it. Our sex is now awkward as hell and a lot easier if I just get drunk. Good luck OP

You married someone who you are turned off from?
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 14:21     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:OP I think I have to disagree with almost everyone who’s commented so far. If you’re with a guy who you love in every way, except for hoping that he was a little more adventurous in bed, that sounds like something you could work on. Or at the very least that you shouldn’t toss him to the curb just because it’s not exactly what you want right now. Long-term relationships are about commitment and compromise and growing, not about being right or wrong. My spouse and I have been together nearly 30 years and while we were always attracted to each other and enjoyed sex m, it’s definitely been a journey together as we each have learned to be patient with the other when it comes to sex, not always expect to get what you want whenever you want it, but also to be willing to ask for what we need and to be open to trying things that might’ve seemed too risque or not risque enough. Sexual compatibility is lind of a misnomer- it is not an honor off switch or a black or white question. Everyone’s on a continuum and as long as you don’t feel like it’s abusive or that the person isn’t capable of ever meeting your needs, I would stick with it for now. Be willing to share your feelings about sex with your partner without expecting him to change overnight, and just give it some time. It’s a little too easy for anonymous people on this board to just blithely tell you to blow up your relationship. But if you have an opportunity to have a life partner, and you think this guy might have potential, I don’t see why you can’t give it a little more of a chance.


This, OP. Besides, depending on your age, you may only care about this for a year or two, and then you’ll be grateful for a less physical partnership.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 14:13     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
OP I think I have to disagree with almost everyone who’s commented so far. If you’re with a guy who you love in every way, except for hoping that he was a little more adventurous in bed, that sounds like something you could work on. Or at the very least that you shouldn’t toss him to the curb just because it’s not exactly what you want right now. Long-term relationships are about commitment and compromise and growing, not about being right or wrong. My spouse and I have been together nearly 30 years and while we were always attracted to each other and enjoyed sex m, it’s definitely been a journey together as we each have learned to be patient with the other when it comes to sex, not always expect to get what you want whenever you want it, but also to be willing to ask for what we need and to be open to trying things that might’ve seemed too risque or not risque enough. Sexual compatibility is lind of a misnomer- it is not an honor off switch or a black or white question. Everyone’s on a continuum and as long as you don’t feel like it’s abusive or that the person isn’t capable of ever meeting your needs, I would stick with it for now. Be willing to share your feelings about sex with your partner without expecting him to change overnight, and just give it some time. It’s a little too easy for anonymous people on this board to just blithely tell you to blow up your relationship. But if you have an opportunity to have a life partner, and you think this guy might have potential, I don’t see why you can’t give it a little more of a chance.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 13:56     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Did you ask him what he thinks about dirty talk? My husband is into dirty talk. Honestly, it is a huge turn off for me. The moment is literally ruined when he does this and I can’t get myself to orgasm because of it. After years of dealing with this, I finally told him. It caused a huge argument because he is VERY into it and I am not. A hard compromise on it because even when I agreed to do it every now and then it turned him off because he knew I now wasn’t into it. Our sex is now awkward as hell and a lot easier if I just get drunk. Good luck OP
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 13:54     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.


Lol, so he was raised to be a nice guy and now you want him to playact?

He probably feels ridiculous.

You might be able to coax it out of him if you are encouraging about it over a longer period of time. He may get used to saying whatever you want to hear.


Wait, wait, wait.

What do you guys say in bed? Are you silent during the act? Do you only say things like "that feels good"?

That's ridiculous. My husband was raised to be a nice guy, is a nice guy, but the things he says in bed are amazing. It's dirty, but all incredibly complimentary to me and my body and to what I do to him. I can't imagine having sex without all of that verbalization from him. It adds to the experience so much.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 13:43     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.


Lol, so he was raised to be a nice guy and now you want him to playact?

He probably feels ridiculous.

You might be able to coax it out of him if you are encouraging about it over a longer period of time. He may get used to saying whatever you want to hear.


Lol.

Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 13:15     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
How much younger is he?

If he is an involved and engaged sexual partner then you find where you have common ground.

If you did a survey, I would guess that there are few men or women who would say their partner meets all of their sexual needs, and is willing to try and do anything they want in bed.

Compatibility is more about a shared attitude towards sex rather than shared views on specific sexual acts.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2025 13:12     Subject: BF and I can’t get aligned sexually.
Anonymous wrote:Dirty talk? Grow up.


Good dirty talk is something a lot of people like in the moment.

But that requires knowing your partner. Which takes time.

In this situation, I'd wonder where this guy is at. A good man aims to please. But some men get stuck - whether it's inexperience or getting lost in thoughts about prior partners and not measuring up. And they go into a bad headspace. Or they were raised in a way that suggests there's something shameful about sex.

Don't have a great solution. But good partners live in the moment - not yesterday, not tomorrow. Maybe encourage some meditation and yoga to get him centered and be present.