Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely hard to vet a guy as a father when he's in his mid-20s. So it's a risk marrying someone then and delaying kids "while they mature." This is a recipe for spending 5-8 years with a man you are waiting to grow the heck up, and freaking out as you near 35 and still haven't had kids yet.

I've known women who did this and were divorced by 30 and in the exact same boat.

Another thing I've seen: men who marry in their 20s, don't grow up, wives divorce them in their mid-30s, then they freak out and realize they might end up along if they dont' shape up, wind up married with a kid within a couple years. And the kicker is that most of these men appear to be pretty doting husbands and fathers, because they know what went wrong with their first marriage and are working hard to avoid it so they don't wind up alone.

So the woman who married them early wound up teaching them major lessons about maturity, but then some other woman reaps the benefits. Sigh.

I disagree with this, because you always have the most valuable data point at any age: what is his father like?

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say all good men are taken by their 30s, but if they're single in their 40s and 50s there's usually a good reason for that.

My experience is that widowed men tend to find new partners rather quickly.

My observation has also been that lately men of my demographic are so problematic that I've just decided to remain single for the rest of my life. Being single is only bad if you don't want to be, and at this point it's just too much work to get used to trying to incorporate someone back into my life again. I can't picture it anymore.

Anonymous wrote:The trouble is "good" isn't good enough.

Men can be "good" and be lazy, unambitious or boring. This describes a lot of men and tonnes of women end up shackled to them.

Men can be sh*tty and sexy. The sheen quickly wears off these guys.

Men can be "sh*tty" and lazy, unambitious or boring. This is the biggest population. They are nobodies though occasionally they can nab a woman with low self-esteem.

Men can be good and sexy, but that is extremely rare, no matter the age. Obviously those guys get swept up fast and have a lot of options.

Anonymous wrote:It seems like once you enter mid to late thirties it’s slim pickings. All the responsible good quality men are already married, snagged by smart women in their twenties!

Anonymous wrote:Not all, but most. There are some that will get out of starter marriages but if they had kids in in those marriages then you're signing up for the blended family show (before you come for me I grew up in one).

I finished med school at 30 and did not want to get married before then. I can confidently say that once I was in the working world and a busy attending, I was astonished at how fast the quality of men dropped. I remember going out on an online date at 32 (ugh, I was so young) and having the guy tell me, on the date, that he had five children with his STBXW and also that he had been "robbed online" before our date and could I pay for dinner.

I'm sure there are hopeful stories out there but I talk with my DD about the timing of education/career goals/marriage, and if she wants to accomplish certain things about the importance of how she dates in her 20's. I don't want her married young. But the cute bartender with 8 tats and no goals isn't going to be the guy (unless he's tending bar at night and going to grad school during the day). It's harsh, and I know it sounds anti-feminist. But women have about ten years starting at age 20 to make decisions that will set the course of their lives re: finances, marriage, career, and children. Some strategy is required, unromantic as it may sound.

Anonymous wrote:Extremely hard to vet a guy as a father when he's in his mid-20s. So it's a risk marrying someone then and delaying kids "while they mature." This is a recipe for spending 5-8 years with a man you are waiting to grow the heck up, and freaking out as you near 35 and still haven't had kids yet.

I've known women who did this and were divorced by 30 and in the exact same boat.

Another thing I've seen: men who marry in their 20s, don't grow up, wives divorce them in their mid-30s, then they freak out and realize they might end up along if they dont' shape up, wind up married with a kid within a couple years. And the kicker is that most of these men appear to be pretty doting husbands and fathers, because they know what went wrong with their first marriage and are working hard to avoid it so they don't wind up alone.

So the woman who married them early wound up teaching them major lessons about maturity, but then some other woman reaps the benefits. Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:It happens with women, too!