Anonymous wrote:By 26, they should have a FT job with benefits (health insurance specifically)

This^.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they've severe health issues, its rare for a young American to be living at home after 20 if they have had enough social, professional, logistical and financial skills to live independently.

This is not remotely true.

It is. Only people living at home after 20 are ones who can't physically, logistically, mentally or financially make it work. That doesn't mean they are doomed to failure but not able to launch like average young adult.

The only 20 year olds I know that fully live on their own are in some far flung midwest or southern town, getting married and starting their own family in a low cost of living area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

I feel the same. I expect my kids to have internships in undergraduate and a job lined up at college graduation, and independent housing lined up shortly after. I've sacrificed a lot for their education, and they need to do something with it. Also, I recently learned that the trust fund that my parents set up for my kids requires them to finish college, and they get a match on earned income up to a certain amount, which I think is great. Failure to launch is not an option.

Not all of us have trust funds to fall back on.

The trust fund was news to me - my parents told me they were giving everything to charity until last year, and when they mentioned they wanted to do something for my kids, I had to say that I've been maxing out their 529 plans since birth, so we don't need help there anymore. So, the trust funds are set up to reward the kids for getting through college and working. My kids are neurotypical, so they have no excuse. If they want to be bums, they get nothing. And they don't get to live it at home after their mid-20s. Happy to have them over for Sunday dinners, etc. But we won't enable failure to launch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

I feel the same. I expect my kids to have internships in undergraduate and a job lined up at college graduation, and independent housing lined up shortly after. I've sacrificed a lot for their education, and they need to do something with it. Also, I recently learned that the trust fund that my parents set up for my kids requires them to finish college, and they get a match on earned income up to a certain amount, which I think is great. Failure to launch is not an option.

Not all of us have trust funds to fall back on.

That's right. So they need to be pushed even harder.

Or the ability to stay at home (childhood bedrooms can turn adult), save money and go from there. I'd rather my 23 year old stay with us and save $1800/month on rent. Create a nest egg for a few years before doing a hard launch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless they've severe health issues, its rare for a young American to be living at home after 20 if they have had enough social, professional, logistical and financial skills to live independently.

This is not remotely true.

It is. Only people living at home after 20 are ones who can't physically, logistically, mentally or financially make it work. That doesn't mean they are doomed to failure but not able to launch like average young adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

I feel the same. I expect my kids to have internships in undergraduate and a job lined up at college graduation, and independent housing lined up shortly after. I've sacrificed a lot for their education, and they need to do something with it. Also, I recently learned that the trust fund that my parents set up for my kids requires them to finish college, and they get a match on earned income up to a certain amount, which I think is great. Failure to launch is not an option.

Not all of us have trust funds to fall back on.

That's right. So they need to be pushed even harder.

Imho its unhealthy for young adults over 20 to be living in their childhood bedrooms.

Anonymous wrote:Unless they've severe health issues, its rare for a young American to be living at home after 20 if they have had enough social, professional, logistical and financial skills to live independently.

This is not remotely true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

I feel the same. I expect my kids to have internships in undergraduate and a job lined up at college graduation, and independent housing lined up shortly after. I've sacrificed a lot for their education, and they need to do something with it. Also, I recently learned that the trust fund that my parents set up for my kids requires them to finish college, and they get a match on earned income up to a certain amount, which I think is great. Failure to launch is not an option.

Not all of us have trust funds to fall back on.

Unless they've severe health issues, its rare for a young American to be living at home after 20 if they have had enough social, professional, logistical and financial skills to live independently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Figuring things out: 19- 24.

Failure to launch: 25-30.

I disagree with this.

After investing half a million dollars in each of my kids' educations, they damn well better have it figured out by 24.

I feel the same. I expect my kids to have internships in undergraduate and a job lined up at college graduation, and independent housing lined up shortly after. I've sacrificed a lot for their education, and they need to do something with it. Also, I recently learned that the trust fund that my parents set up for my kids requires them to finish college, and they get a match on earned income up to a certain amount, which I think is great. Failure to launch is not an option.

Anonymous wrote:Define failure to launch specifically. Like has job but has to live at home? Or never finished college? At what age is an adult child still ‘figuring things out’ and at what age does it become ‘failure to launch’?

If by 25, they don't have a degree, a job, a partner and paying their own rent, they are failing to launch and by 30 if things don't improve, they've failed. That being said, some people are late bloomers so never say never but its not easy to turn life around after 30.

By 26, they should have a FT job with benefits (health insurance specifically) unless they are working on PHD...

I can handle that they choose to live at home until 29, but should be on their own by 30th birthday unless there is health issue then I would help them move into a studio apartment. They should be able to paid for basic needs (food) even working as a lawn service guru or at any fast food restaurants.

Anonymous wrote:My kids can stay with me till age 35 for free. After that they have to pay for their share of household expenses (maybe not rent).

Other than that my expectations from my kids are - they will be healthy (eat healthy foods and exercise), will grow skills (certifications), have a social circle (friends, ability to plan,SO), save money for retirement and investment etc.

Sharing a home with parents and still being "independent" is not failure to launch. However, a regular 35 yr. grown adult living with their parents "rent free" it's kind of crazy.


PS: I left my home at 28.

I think it depends on the kid. My kid is on the spectrum and I could definitely envision them feeling more confident professionally if they didn’t have to also manage some of the other things that come with launching. If they moved back home and were doing the best they could with their specific strengths, I’d feel great about that, even if they lived with us forever.