Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say this with kindness: You sound very anxious. Just as anxious as she does.

As the mother of an anxious person, I'm going to advise you to educate yourself on best practices with anxiety, and to then apply those practices with your DD... and yourself. CBT is amazing.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Anxiety

In a nutshell, your willingness to listen to her wring her hands about this every day feeds her anxiety, as do your attempts to solve this problem for her. Today when she calls to worry about this, you should say, "well, I know you'll figure it out. So what are you doing this afternoon?" And talk about other things, preferably things she's *doing.* If she can't focus on other things, tell her what *you* are doing. Just generally and gently be unwilling to perseverate with her on this. It seems ccounterintuitive, but it really does help tamp down anxiety to think less about the things that are bothering you.

Me again: Tell her that when she is home for winter break, you will schedule time to discuss this and help her make a plan. No discussing until then. And when you help her with planning, it should be things like: when do you have to declare a major? Okay, that's the deadline. Until then, out different classes, make appointment at the career center, maybe see if there's a way to do some informational interviews, etc. Make a plan, actionable items, and set some interim deadlines for evaluating, seeing where she is, etc. Then when she starts agonizing, just say to her," are you following your plan?" If yes, she's doing what she can. Ask, "according to the plan, when are we supposed to meet to discuss things? OK, so not time yet. You're still gathering your evidence/info. Let's wait to discuss then. So, what else is going on?" And change the subject.

(My mid-20s DS with anxiety imagines a metal trash can in his head and he likes to direct his unhelpful thoughts there and mentally bang the lid closed, lol. So sometimes if he is agonizing about something he can't really do anything about at the moment, I say, "that sounds like a thought for your trash can," and change the subject. It really helps.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say this with kindness: You sound very anxious. Just as anxious as she does.

As the mother of an anxious person, I'm going to advise you to educate yourself on best practices with anxiety, and to then apply those practices with your DD... and yourself. CBT is amazing.

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Anxiety

In a nutshell, your willingness to listen to her wring her hands about this every day feeds her anxiety, as do your attempts to solve this problem for her. Today when she calls to worry about this, you should say, "well, I know you'll figure it out. So what are you doing this afternoon?" And talk about other things, preferably things she's *doing.* If she can't focus on other things, tell her what *you* are doing. Just generally and gently be unwilling to perseverate with her on this. It seems ccounterintuitive, but it really does help tamp down anxiety to think less about the things that are bothering you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listening to an advisor who just spits out “accounting” without understanding what your kids enjoys and what their strengths are is ludicrous. I would tell her not to listen to this person at all and tell her to just take classes she likes. IR with a language is perfectly fine as a major.

She is not fine with her major though. We did try to tell her this, but kids these days have it very tough in terms of employment prospects and she could not shake her worries about future employment, hence her constant panic and reevaluating. I’m sure she told the advisor about all this and wanting good career prospects.

I totally get it, but you may be at the point where she needs someone to talk to about her anxiety more than she needs some advisor. She can just google careers that make the most money and are the least likely to be replaced by AI. That is the level of advice that this person is giving her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Listening to an advisor who just spits out “accounting” without understanding what your kids enjoys and what their strengths are is ludicrous. I would tell her not to listen to this person at all and tell her to just take classes she likes. IR with a language is perfectly fine as a major.

She is not fine with her major though. We did try to tell her this, but kids these days have it very tough in terms of employment prospects and she could not shake her worries about future employment, hence her constant panic and reevaluating. I’m sure she told the advisor about all this and wanting good career prospects.

Anonymous wrote:Listening to an advisor who just spits out “accounting” without understanding what your kids enjoys and what their strengths are is ludicrous. I would tell her not to listen to this person at all and tell her to just take classes she likes. IR with a language is perfectly fine as a major.

Anonymous wrote:OP, send her to her college’s placement office to discuss. A good one will put her through a lot of aptitude tests to ferret out her interests. They also most likely will be the ones to help her find her first internship- which she should be working on now. That experience - the internship- might well make the decision for her. Internships can be difficult to get so Yager her to start in this now with career services.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.

Since you can't help much, encourage her meet with her Advisor and use the University resources. A lot of kids change majors by their second year.

My kid started with Finance (because that's what everyone was doing) but found it too heavy on math/accounting so he switching to International Affairs or Economics... still deciding.

Anonymous wrote:My freshman dd is constantly unsure what she wants to do. She has many interests but none are really passions. She initially liked environmental sciences and languages but there are few jobs and that scares her. She is going to switch her major from international relations to finance because she thinks prospects are better after meeting with her adviser, but she could really go any way with some encouragement on our part, and it's encouragement she wishes she had as she always is asking what we think. Both dh and I are very reluctant to intervene much because we feel it's her decision. How did you handle this if your child was directionless at that age? I am just scared she will not find her way.