Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:30     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:As you said, this was directed at your husband and not you. The woman made a mistake. Haven’t you ever? You’re being a baby.


Are you also that impulsive that you say nasty things out loud? I certainly don't. MIL's comment was shocking. I wouldn't want to host her either.

Yes, she made a mistake. Now she gets to live with it. Consequences.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:28     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.

Then she should have spoken up the minute she was offended and felt “gobsmacked” and called off Christmas right then and there. Now it just feels petty.


I strongly disagree. A lot of people need time to process their feelings, and OP's timeline is perfectly normal. I would take that much time, and I would also second-guess myself, because I'm a people-pleaser who fears offending people. This is why I'm here to support OP, because I hope she stands up for herself.

Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:26     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.

Then she should have spoken up the minute she was offended and felt “gobsmacked” and called off Christmas right then and there. Now it just feels petty.


Oh stop. It’s not a movie. When your MIL says “I never feel welcome here” most people will get flustered and not say much. No one is like, “well! Then don’t come for Christmas!” That’s what normal people would consider escalating the situation for no reason.

OP, just send a text to them (or ask your DH to) that you’re having a quiet Christmas this year without guests. If they push back, just say hosting is getting to be too much. She knows exactly what she said. Don’t engage further on it after the text.

Love this verbiage.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:23     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:I think DH should tell them "since you've never felt welcome in our home despite everything Lisa and I do for you to prepare for your visits and to make them enjoyable we think it's best you stay elsewhere for the upcoming holidays."


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:22     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
As you said, this was directed at your husband and not you. The woman made a mistake. Haven’t you ever? You’re being a baby.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:18     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.

Then she should have spoken up the minute she was offended and felt “gobsmacked” and called off Christmas right then and there. Now it just feels petty.


Oh stop. It’s not a movie. When your MIL says “I never feel welcome here” most people will get flustered and not say much. No one is like, “well! Then don’t come for Christmas!” That’s what normal people would consider escalating the situation for no reason.

OP, just send a text to them (or ask your DH to) that you’re having a quiet Christmas this year without guests. If they push back, just say hosting is getting to be too much. She knows exactly what she said. Don’t engage further on it after the text.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:16     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Don’t host them. You’ve shared that you don’t want to with your husband.

Let your husband tell his parents. You say nothing OP they’re his parents.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:16     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:I think DH should tell them "since you've never felt welcome in our home despite everything Lisa and I do for you to prepare for your visits and to make them enjoyable we think it's best you stay elsewhere for the upcoming holidays."


I would not make it about their comment. That gives them fuel for a back and forth and seems like you are seeking attention/drama. Just have DH deliver the message that Christmas will be just your nuclear family due to work and other obligations and leave it at that. Maybe travel to see them after if you're feeling like you need to check the box.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:15     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:If your husband really wants them to come, I would pay for a hotel for them for a few nights vs. hosting them in your home and keep all the activities low key. Don’t spend all this effort on people who don’t appreciate it. If your husband doesn’t really want them to come, he should say that you and he both have decided on a low key Christmas this year/a weekend trip out of town or whatever and we’ll see you on the next major holiday.

How about they pay for their own hotel room and everyone meets for dinner and activities away from the location where they feel uncomfortable.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 13:14     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
If your husband really wants them to come, I would pay for a hotel for them for a few nights vs. hosting them in your home and keep all the activities low key. Don’t spend all this effort on people who don’t appreciate it. If your husband doesn’t really want them to come, he should say that you and he both have decided on a low key Christmas this year/a weekend trip out of town or whatever and we’ll see you on the next major holiday.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 12:59     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.


No this is crazy. That was absolutely the kind of decision that OP needed to talk through with her husband. It’s not hard to understand “after you made this comment we discussed and decided that we are not hosting for Christmas”. They are not toddlers!!!

Also they don’t need leverage! They say “not invited” that’s it.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 12:56     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.

Then she should have spoken up the minute she was offended and felt “gobsmacked” and called off Christmas right then and there. Now it just feels petty.


What the heck is this line of thinking? I am all for people taking a minute to think rather than feeling like they have to react off their first instinct or forever hold their peace. More people should try thinking a little more before they speak!

OP I think you are well within your rights to take a year off from hosting. Whether you want to be done forever or not would depend a lot on your previous relationship with them and if there’s a relationship there to be salvaged.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 12:48     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Absolutely discuss with DH about not having them this year. I think you’re well within your rights to take a break from them this year. I can almost guarantee that if you actually stand up for yourselves and show that backbone you will have fewer issues going forward. They are only like this because you let them get away with it.

Draw your boundary. Stand strong. Benefit for years.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 12:44     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
Anonymous wrote:I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.

Then she should have spoken up the minute she was offended and felt “gobsmacked” and called off Christmas right then and there. Now it just feels petty.
Anonymous
Post 12/01/2025 12:41     Subject: Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?
I support you a 100%! MIL needs to learn to filter her thoughts.

This is what I had to do with my own mother. She learned. A reconciliation is probably in your future, OP, and all will end well, but only if you stand your ground for this Christmas. Your MIL needs to feel consequences otherwise she cannot learn.

I entirely disagree with letting it go and re-evaluating later - that doesn't make any sense. Consequences need to happen right after the act, otherwise people have a hard time understanding why they happen. The more you wait, the less leverage you will have in the future.