Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 14:35     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Maybe the guest thought the pumpkins were party favors.

A very considerate guest who brings pumpkins for you and provides party favors! Sounds like they even RSVP'd prior to arriving. Wow. The perfect guests!
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 14:26     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:While I agree that there is nothing wrong with what the child did, I do think nonAmericans of various backgrounds find the American habit of bringing things and then taking them back disconcerting. The whole concept of potluck dinners where you take a dish and then often take back what is uneaten is a strange one for a lot of nonAmericans. That said, I think the visiting child was being generous and OP should take it that way even if it is not the way it would be done in her home country.


You know, there's a lot of things in Europe that I found really strange too...like going over to my friend's house to sleep...and her mother asking me if I brought my sheets. But why the hell would I complain in someone else's country?

But I thought that was why OP came to DCUM -- to find out if this was normal behavior in this country. People should give her a break. I believe she was asking whether this was something that should bother her.


I don't think she needed our permission to be bothered -- she clearly was worked up into a snit:

The guests waved me away, saying the pumpkins were a gift. Next day, after the sleepover, I saw the guest leaving with 2 of the pumpkins....

Now I'm not US born, but I always thought a gift was a gift, and not a loaner....


Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:49     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
It's kind of cute that the child picked up a pumpkin for your child and brought it when s/he came to sleepover. I have an image in my mind of a kid standing on the front porch with his overnight bag, surrounded by four little pumpkins, ringing the doorbell. It's a cute story. No need to read into it or dramatize.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:46     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
I'm only laying this out there....perhaps they were on their way when they stopped for pumpkins, with 2 pumpkins for each child. Your child has 2 and the other child has 2.

This post is an insult to my intelligence.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:29     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:While I agree that there is nothing wrong with what the child did, I do think nonAmericans of various backgrounds find the American habit of bringing things and then taking them back disconcerting. The whole concept of potluck dinners where you take a dish and then often take back what is uneaten is a strange one for a lot of nonAmericans. That said, I think the visiting child was being generous and OP should take it that way even if it is not the way it would be done in her home country.


You know, there's a lot of things in Europe that I found really strange too...like going over to my friend's house to sleep...and her mother asking me if I brought my sheets. But why the hell would I complain in someone else's country?

But I thought that was why OP came to DCUM -- to find out if this was normal behavior in this country. People should give her a break. I believe she was asking whether this was something that should bother her.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:26     Subject: Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I vote this as the funniest thread in awhile! Move over dirty dice!


I hadn't heard of the Dirty Dice thread before I read this. Thank you PP. Thank you!


You're welcome!
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:24     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:While I agree that there is nothing wrong with what the child did, I do think nonAmericans of various backgrounds find the American habit of bringing things and then taking them back disconcerting. The whole concept of potluck dinners where you take a dish and then often take back what is uneaten is a strange one for a lot of nonAmericans. That said, I think the visiting child was being generous and OP should take it that way even if it is not the way it would be done in her home country.


You know, there's a lot of things in Europe that I found really strange too...like going over to my friend's house to sleep...and her mother asking me if I brought my sheets. But why the hell would I complain in someone else's country?
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:10     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
While I agree that there is nothing wrong with what the child did, I do think nonAmericans of various backgrounds find the American habit of bringing things and then taking them back disconcerting. The whole concept of potluck dinners where you take a dish and then often take back what is uneaten is a strange one for a lot of nonAmericans. That said, I think the visiting child was being generous and OP should take it that way even if it is not the way it would be done in her home country.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 13:08     Subject: Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but you're the one being rude here.

They picked up pumpkins for their child, and were considerate enough to bring you TWO for your DCs.

You have nothing to be upset about here. If you don't want the pumpkins, then just politely decline them. If you want 4 (and not just 2), just go buy more.


Agreed. OP, you're being a brat.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 12:55     Subject: Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Sorry, OP, but you're the one being rude here.

They picked up pumpkins for their child, and were considerate enough to bring you TWO for your DCs.

You have nothing to be upset about here. If you don't want the pumpkins, then just politely decline them. If you want 4 (and not just 2), just go buy more.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 11:18     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Friday my kids had a sleepover guest. The guest arrived with 4 pumpkins, and said they'd been at the store, talked to DC on the phone, and DC had indicated a desire for a pumpkin.(I haven't picked one up yet). I was wondering WTH, cos no-one consulted any adults, but I offered to pay for the pumpkins anyway, since DC had made that request unknown to me. The guests waved me away, saying the pumpkins were a gift. Next day, after the sleepover, I saw the guest leaving with 2 of the pumpkins....

Now I'm not US born, but I always thought a gift was a gift, and not a loaner....


I don't see the problem. They picked up four pumpkins, 2 for your kid and 2 for their kid. They left the pumpkins in case the kids wanted to play with them, decide who gets which ones, or carve them. Their kid brought his two pumpkins homw. They did not bring a pumpkin for every member of your family. I'm american and I don't see a problem bringing something to a host child but not every other kid in the house. If you have a religious object to pumpkins around halloween or an allergy to pumpkins, you could have said no thank you.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 11:12     Subject: Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:I vote this as the funniest thread in awhile! Move over dirty dice!


I hadn't heard of the Dirty Dice thread before I read this. Thank you PP. Thank you!
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 09:51     Subject: Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
How many kids does this family have? If they have two kids, then by taking home two pumpkins they will have enough pumpkins for their own kids. This seems reasonable to me.

I'm also guessing they left all four pumpkins overnight with you because they thought it could provide an activity for the kids: pumpkin carving. Maybe you weren't up for the pumpkin carving, and that's fine. As a mom, I would actually see this as a gift of a nice, non-TV activity that didn't require me organizing something else creative. So it would be unfair to impugn motives like "laziness" or "changing their minds about how many pumpkins to give you" given the wide range of possible motives.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 08:16     Subject: Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Now I'm not US born, but I always thought a gift was a gift, and not a loaner....


Seems like you misunderstood which of the 4 pumpkins were gifts and which were not. No biggie.

Yeah, it sounds to me like they bought 2 for themselves and 2 for you and since they were dropping the kid off after pumpkin buying, left all of them overnight -- probably because their kid would have wanted to keep his pumpkins overnight too. Not a big deal but maybe they should have been clearer about that.
Anonymous
Post 10/12/2010 08:07     Subject: Re:Maybe it's a cultural disconnect
Anonymous wrote:OP, first of all, this involves a CHILD. Not an adult guest to your home. And not someone upon whom you can put the entire weight of the conduct of the American population.

Your child was apparently brash enough to hint or ask this guest to purchase and bring him a gift. (Rude in my book, but whatever). And this young guest complied. You apparently feel that this guest should not only have purchased and brought your child a gift, but brought one for every child in the household. In your words -- WTF?

Do you honestly feel that guests to your house have an obligation to bring gifts for every member of the household? This young child showed extraordinary consideration to bring your child what he wanted, a pumpkin. And instead of sitting your child down to write him a thank you note, you are complaining that he didn't bring every single one of your children a pumpkin??? That he had the gall to want one of the pumpkins he purchased for himself? OMG -- what an UGLY American?

Yes, there is certainly a cultural disconnect here -- between you and your greedy children and this considerate young guest who must have been mystified.


My thoughts exactly! Actually, the OP should also be giving a big thank you to the guests parents as well. We seem to feel so entitled in this country...it's quite sad.