Since she hasn’t started her period yet, body composition may change a bit when she does? I would not bet on it, but it isn’t uncommon either. Is there any family history of weight problems? She may have a genetic tendency to be a bit heavier (which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be concerned) but you may need to accept that she might struggle more than others and be realistic.

As a mom of 3 teens what jumps out at me the most is the amount of free time and spending $ she has. None of my kids and their friends had as much of either one, at age 13. Can you get her involved in a sport (ideally) or activity? Are her friends not involved in organized activities either? At age 13, most of the kids were busy with sports and other things- and generally did not have time to go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts every day after school or spend a day hanging out at the mall or doing extended sleepovers every week.

Anonymous wrote:My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

While this can be true, often it truly is just too many calories going in. OP is saying that her daughter is frequently over indulging and eating large portions. That’s the reason she is overweight. But it’s really hard to regulate what someone else is eating and how much, especially once the teens years hit. Her daughter eating an apple or a heathy meal before she goes out with friends will not move the needle on how much junk she eats with her friends. It just won’t. She will still finish the entire milk shake and order of fries or whatever- until she figures out that she shouldn’t, even if she wants to.

OP I think it’s fine to talk about moderation and what that looks like. It seems like she struggles with what a reasonable portion is, especially with junk food. Some people are really good at self moderation, and some aren’t. For those that aren’t, it takes intentional thought and self control.

Unfortunately in our world now, where there is a seemingly endless supply of junk food. Any social gathering around teens is centered on junk food. Even sports have now turned to it. At my child’s sporting events, parents sent up a whole table with a cornucopia of junky snacks that the kids eat through all day. Some just have a couple things, but other kids are up at the snack table many many times. Out culture around junk food has become toxic

My teens eat about the same, one is skinny no matter what and the other puts on weight.
Parented the same way, fed the same way, etc. it’s hormones and metabolism and some people get the short end of the stick. All you can do is choose healthy foods at home, single serve desserts like Trader Joe’s hold the cones instead of gallons of ice cream you scoop into a bowl can help with portion control.

Anonymous wrote:Just stop

You did this.
You made her have a bad relationship with food.

She has to fix it now on her own.

Do not take away her allowance really bad parenting.

Stop talking about it. Stop making her crazy. Stop being a judgemental fool.

She is 13 she is not a baby when she looks in the mirror she knows if she is uncomfortable in her skin. When she is ready she will do something.

You failed.

I hate these posts.

Go away. Some kids are just wired to overeat, especially when presented with lots of junk food and large portions. They can’t help it and haven’t developed the self control to do so- many adults aren’t able to either. She may never. But at least there are meds now that help. OP has done nothing wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

She is 5’2” and weighs 140 lbs. She also has borderline high blood pressure which is being observed/monitored by our pediatrician, and she does think it may have something to do with being overweight and told us to do what we can to ensure she eats a healthy diet and is active. She has not gotten her period yet.

Had she had a growth spurt yet? Many girls eat a lot and gain weight when preparing for their period. Then they grow, slim out, and get their period. Their appetite decreases and this all resolves on its own. My neice was like that, and she's perfectly slim now as a college student. Other than encouraging your daughter to exercise more (since you haven't mentioned her exercise/sports), I would leave this alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Here is an example of her day yesterday: eggs and wheat toast for breakfast at home, turkey sandwich with pretzels and fruit at home for lunch. Then she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and had the following from 2pm on: fries and milkshake for a snack at the mall, popcorn and candy at the movies, chicken tenders and fries for dinner, and then they baked cupcakes and had those for dessert at her friend’s house. Again, this is not a one off, every weekend is starting to look like this and she and her friends also like to go to Dunkin or Starbucks after school some days as well.

OP, how do you know all of this? How do you have a detailed list of what she ate while not in your presence? That screams red flag to me that you are being over controlling about her food. I know it's a delicate balance but please, coming from someone who has had an eating disorder her entire adult life, tread carefully. Being diligent about documenting everything I ate as a teenager ruined me for life.

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was overweight at that age, you don’t need to say anything. Soon enough she will realize that no one wants to date her and connect the dots on why that is.

What you can do (and it sounds like you already are) is make sure she has healthy and tasty meals for every meals and access to nutritious snacks.

Ugh. This.

I’d point out to her that her friends are not eating all the junk they buy and she is, so maybe she wants to consider thinking of junk food as things to taste rather than things to eat. I’d also point out how addictive sugars are.

OP I just saw the stats you posted. My DD is 5.0 and 137lbs but the doctor isn’t worrried about her weight because she’s plays two sports and a lot of it is muscle.
Don’t look at just her weight, look at overall health.
Maybe for now sge can cut down to one junk meal on a weekend day and one junk treat. But see if she can self manage that.

Adding healthy whole high calorie foods is not going to make this kid lose substantial amounts of weight. Neither is a vigorous walk. Which is okay! But Mom needs to be honest with herself whether she’s bothered by the weight or by the health concerns.

Can try to add things rather than subtract. Like have her pack an apple to eat after school

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her height and weight OP? You talk about this affecting her health but let’s be honest, a few extra pounds is not affecting a 13 year old’s health even if she is in the overweight category but you can absolutely ruin her self esteem by going crazy about this. Has she had her period and if so when? Some girls chunk up a bit before a growth spurt.

She is 5’2” and weighs 140 lbs. She also has borderline high blood pressure which is being observed/monitored by our pediatrician, and she does think it may have something to do with being overweight and told us to do what we can to ensure she eats a healthy diet and is active. She has not gotten her period yet.

Of course high blood pressure has to do with the food. Cut out all processed food in home, for you too, the whole family. You're all in it together. Look up whole food diet.

Don't let her sleep over every weekend. It's too much and also it's bad for her health. Maybe once per month. How does she pay for Dunkin?
Does she workout? You should workout with her and model for her a healthy lifestyle. It should be done her whole life but hey. Walk together for at least 30min per day. Also make yummy healthy food that she likes. Make sure she drinks lots of water. Sometimes people eat extra bc they think they're hungry but really they're thirsty. Also track her period so you know when there's hormone cravings and have a healthy alternative. For example, if she likes sweets, have dried mango, dark chocolate, PBJ, something sweet that's not processed. Don't giver prtezels, cut the processed food. Fruits and vegetables at every meal. For example, you could add spinach's to her egg or give a side of fruit at breakfast. Have a big salad before eating regular lunch. Make warm food not cold food (sandwich) like rice and veggies with chicken or tofu or whatever, ramen with veggie and tofu, etc. Look up her dish's in Ayurveda to guide you.

As an overweight person she will not just realize she’s fat looking in a mirror and decide to lose weight. It’s a struggle, every extra lb put on is so hard to get off as we get older and heavier.
I don’t think youre doing anything wrong OP, I have a 13yo DD who is similar but has less free time/friend time than yours so it’s not quite as bad.
Keep doing what you’re doing by providing filling nutritious meals at home. Talk about it in terms of health not weight.
Mine has eaten crap all day ( I was at work) and asked for Nutella biscuits an hour ago. I suggested an apple with some Nutella instead and she took that option.