I fully support people have boundaries and even no contact with toxic people. But, I also feel like there are people that are frustrating and annoying in our families that we cut off too quickly and it doesn’t do anyone any good given the epidemic of loneliness we have in this country.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe in spending time with people I wouldn’t choose to spend time with - family or not. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they are a decent or a good person. And even if they are a “decent” person, if I just don’t like them, why would I force myself to spend time with them when there are many other people I could be spending time with? This transcends politics.

This attitude is a big problem these days. Because they are family, that’s why. Across cultures, across centuries, this has meant something. It doesn’t suddenly not mean anything because you don’t like it. Life isn’t always fun and about your own personal preferences.
I mean, do you feel the same about your own kids? Surely they aren’t always likable or easy?

Nope. Your harmful, retro attitude is wrong. There are lines that once crossed mean it is better to have a person out of your life. Period. Why should anyone be forced to spend time with an abuser or a malignant narcissist or insert-reprehensible-person-here just because they are family? We have moved on from tolerating bad behavior or keeping quiet around a-holes.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest article written by a boomer that studies gerontology. It’s very much from the boomer perspective as this is the generation most likely to become estranged due to their behaviors. Sure it would be nice for these people if they never faced consequences for their behavior and got to enjoy mistreating everyone around them under the umbrella ‘ your family, you have to put up with it’! However, it’s healthier for others to build connections with others who are respectful, enjoyable company and not entitled.

Exactly this. My mother in law is a malignant narcissist and her daughters and my fil are her enforcers. My dh escaped a very abusive controlling family. He was the only child to move out of their home before their 30s. They were at best constantly inappropriate and more commonly rude and hateful. Every member of the family excluding dh hates women. Both dh and I stood up to their rudeness and set boundaries and they would repeat again and again that as family they could do and say whatever they wanted. They found out.

I can see them spouting this garbage.

Sorry, no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe in spending time with people I wouldn’t choose to spend time with - family or not. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they are a decent or a good person. And even if they are a “decent” person, if I just don’t like them, why would I force myself to spend time with them when there are many other people I could be spending time with? This transcends politics.

This attitude is a big problem these days. Because they are family, that’s why. Across cultures, across centuries, this has meant something. It doesn’t suddenly not mean anything because you don’t like it. Life isn’t always fun and about your own personal preferences.
I mean, do you feel the same about your own kids? Surely they aren’t always likable or easy?

This post is so dumb it's impossible to respond. You are clueless.

Anonymous wrote:This is a guest article written by a boomer that studies gerontology. It’s very much from the boomer perspective as this is the generation most likely to become estranged due to their behaviors. Sure it would be nice for these people if they never faced consequences for their behavior and got to enjoy mistreating everyone around them under the umbrella ‘ your family, you have to put up with it’! However, it’s healthier for others to build connections with others who are respectful, enjoyable company and not entitled.

Ha.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe in spending time with people I wouldn’t choose to spend time with - family or not. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they are a decent or a good person. And even if they are a “decent” person, if I just don’t like them, why would I force myself to spend time with them when there are many other people I could be spending time with? This transcends politics.

This attitude is a big problem these days. Because they are family, that’s why. Across cultures, across centuries, this has meant something. It doesn’t suddenly not mean anything because you don’t like it. Life isn’t always fun and about your own personal preferences.
I mean, do you feel the same about your own kids? Surely they aren’t always likable or easy?

We don’t need our familial tribe to protect us from the neighboring warring tribe. The world looks completely different than it did centuries ago. Why would you look to anything like that as the model.

Anonymous wrote:That’s a dumb thought exercise. Living like you’ve only got a year left to live isn’t sustainable for 20, 30, 40 years. You can do it for one year because it’s only one year, and if you were actually dying, people would treat you better.

I have a good friend who is dealing with a very bad cancer prognosis right now.

She is on vacation on a tropical island with only her spouse and kids this Thanksgiving, instead of spending it with extended family, because she realized if she doesn't have a lot of time left, she wants to spend it having fun with people who don't require epic levels of patience and forbearance just to get through a meal.

Also, does it never occur to people who write crap like this that there are awful people in the world, and they have family members who suffer through them at family events? Some people are impossible.

This is a guest article written by a boomer that studies gerontology. It’s very much from the boomer perspective as this is the generation most likely to become estranged due to their behaviors. Sure it would be nice for these people if they never faced consequences for their behavior and got to enjoy mistreating everyone around them under the umbrella ‘ your family, you have to put up with it’! However, it’s healthier for others to build connections with others who are respectful, enjoyable company and not entitled.

Anonymous wrote:This article is a bunch of nonsense.

However well intentioned you are, you shouldn’t spend Thanksgiving trying to convince your parents that it’s time for them to sell the house and move into assisted living. Let them make their own mistakes, even if you might have to deal with the consequences. Your parents are adults. Give them the dignity of their own experience.

While Thanksgiving Day isn't the time for this conversation, it is fine to encourage parents to downsize and move to a safer living space. Especially if me dealing with the consequences = putting my job in jeopardy to take time off to care for them after they fall on the stairs.

Would you want to spend your last Thanksgiving resenting your father’s politics?

Well if I only have a year to live because my father's politics limited my access to health care or the amount of spending/research into the condition that is taking me out, then yeah, I'm going to spend it resenting him and the rest of his ilk.

This. Thanksgiving isn’t the time for the discussion but the next ten years of one’s life shouldn’t be devoted to elderly parents’ unreasonable demand to stay in a house that is too big and expensive for them.

Day functional should be disfunctional.

NY Times hasn't been hitting it out of the park recently..
Apparently they don't have to deal with day functional family members who love insulting the rest of us; u surprisingly the same family members are MAGA in my case.

That’s a dumb thought exercise. Living like you’ve only got a year left to live isn’t sustainable for 20, 30, 40 years. You can do it for one year because it’s only one year, and if you were actually dying, people would treat you better.

Ugh. I saw it yesterday, chose not to click on it, because my family is incredibly dysfunctional... but was hoping it might have been tongue-in-cheek or something.

And no. It's just a moron writer who has never had a viper's nest for a family. Lucky them. They shouldn't tell the rest of us what to do.

My mental health is worth more than whatever this BS article wants me to do